A Life Story
by fanficfemme
Summary: After Nero.Heavy on the drama/angst/miscommunication/misunderstanding/ loss/mistakes. Abrams' S/U with serious issues. M Rated, so keep in mind. Fluffy only when necessary...soaps meet ST Reboot...
1. Chapter 1 Aftermath

In the aftermath of the tragedy that befell Vulcan and its people, the Enterprise and its current crew of now experienced cadets and young officers were silent as each one regarded the incredulity of the past days' events. On its return course following the destruction of the Narada, the ship was eerily silent. All of its members were exhausted and weary but steadily pushing onward desperate to return to Starfleet Academy.

Nyota impatiently waited for Spock to come to her quarters so that they could spend what little time they had left together before reaching Earth. She paced slowly in her room as she thought of how to handle this delicate situation with Spock and the loss of his mother and home. She wondered if she had done the right thing earlier in the turbo lift. But then she recalled how he had held her tightly and breathed into her shoulder as she grieved for him when she knew that he could not.

She loved him deeply- that was clear and he knew this. She never hid her feelings from him and she never asked for any more than he could or was willing to offer. It _was_ the right thing to do and she would not push him emotionally tonight when he came to her. _If_ he came to her.

Two hours had passed and he still had not come to her. Nyota undressed and prepared herself for bed. She made sure that she wore something modest and appropriate in the event that he came to her later on in the night. Their relationship had not progressed to _that_ level yet. Their intimacy was close, like that of true and dear friends, but not of lovers. They had not even talked about it. She had surmised that perhaps he was bashful about the topic or (probably more likely) that he did not want to stress the boundaries of academy regulations where their relationship was concerned. But that did not keep her from wondering, and...dreaming.

Later as the Enterprise docked into the space station, Nyota couldn't help but wonder how her Vulcan was fairing. She had not seen him since their heartfelt goodbyes in the transporter room. She wondered if he was embarrassed about his actions then. Spock had not come to see her last night and she knew now that she wouldn't be alone with him until they have been on Earth for some time. The media and Federation suits will be all over them as soon as they reach the Academy and once the reporting and briefings began, there would be no time left for much else.

In passing, they would greet each other, however, she with a smile and he with a nod. Time seemed to whirl as there was so much to do in preparing to leave the ship and return to San Francisco.

Three days had passed when she answered the chime to her door and found a tired Spock standing before her. She gave him a brilliant smile and gestured for him to come inside. Her quarters were bare. All her belongings were packed up and ready for transport.

When she noticed his eyes roaming around her room she explained, "I know that I'm a little early for packing up, but I just couldn't stay in here after Gaila..."

"I understand. Have you secured a different room in the dormitory, then?" he asked.

"No, actually, I decided to stay off campus in an apartment complex nearby. It's a little expensive, but it isn't for long and I needed a change of scenery." Nyota replied casually.

He knew that she would have a difficult time with her friends being gone and the academy being so changed after Nero. He was pleased that she sought a solution for herself so quickly.

Nyota sat down on the edge of one of the two beds as she motioned for him to join her. Careful not to disturb the boxes on the opposite bed, Spock lowered himself on what he presumed was her roommate's bunk.

"Nyota, I apologize for not contacting you sooner. I have been in meetings and talks with the Vulcan elders regarding relocation of the survivors and establishment of the a new colony. They are quite lengthy as there is much to do."

"I understand, Spock. There is no need to apologize. There are many things more important than chatting with me right now. How is your father?"

"He thrives. Sarek is, of course, among those who are in charge of the new colonization efforts. It is with him who I am spending most of my time with. We are in discussion over certain topics that we have yet to agree upon."

Spock sounded a little dismayed at his revelation and Nyota noticed that he looked away from her then.

"I hope all will work out. It is a very difficult time for you both. What will be your roll in the colonization efforts?"

"That is yet to be determined and among those topics which we are in dispute." He sighed ever so slightly then and looked directly at her. "I must inform you that I will be gone for the remainder of the academic year. I will not be able to watch you graduate although I very much desire to do so."

Surprised at his news, Nyota's face fell. Graduation from Starfleet Academy was one of the most important events in her life and she was looking forward to sharing it with him.

"I see. Will you be returning soon afterward?"

"Not to the Academy, but I will be onboard the Enterprise to report for my first day of duty as Science Officer. I am scheduled to leave San Francisco this evening at 1900 hours."

"Spock, that's in three hours! You mean to tell me that I won't see you again until the Enterprise?" Nyota knew she was sounding desperate. She hated it when she did this. She corrected herself soon enough, though, and continued coolly. "I assume you will be traveling with your father and the elders, then?"

He nodded.

"During those eight months, will you be able to contact me?" she asked him quietly.

"I will always endeavor to maintain contact with you, Nyota. I do not know how frequently I will be able to do so, but you will always know where I am." he reassured her.

"Then I'm glad. I will miss you, but I'm proud and happy to know that you are away doing this for Vulcan and your people." Her smile returned again and she could tell that he felt relieved now.

Nyota lowered her head and started to look down at her hands. Silently, he moved from the bed opposite her and sat beside her on her bed. Turning, he gently tilted her chin up toward him and she looked into his eyes.

"You will always know where I am." he said again quietly, "Please do not fret."

She nodded slowly. He leaned in toward her and kissed her gently on the lips. It was the slow and tender kind of kiss that made Nyota surge inside. She had always found these types of chaste touches the most desirable as they held the certain promise of much more to come. The question now, of course, was when? Perhaps tonight before he leaves...perhaps now. She very much wanted to be with him finally in the way that would officially make them lovers in every sense of the word. She wanted it so much. But she was not sure about him. She didn't want to push him into anything especially during this time of despair.

_Really, what are you thinking? Sex? Right now? The man is grieving for crying out loud...have some class. _

"I regret that I cannot stay long. I will contact you again before boarding my ship. I look to the day when we are reunited, Nyota."

Nyota melted as he spoke softly to her- his voice lulling her into a trance and she could not resist it. She reached up to touch his cheek, tracing her fingers softly alongside his face and jaw. She kissed him this time as he held her in a warm embrace. And so it went on like this. For the next hour they spoke softly to each other as Nyota lay in Spock's arms.

He told her of the tasks that await him on the new planet and the worries that he had about some of the things that the elders expected from their colonization. She wished that they could stay like this all night. His chest was so warm against her cheek and the touch of his fingers running through her long tresses made her body hum.

Soon it was time for them to part. He gave her a long and languid kiss and touched his forehead to hers. "I will be with you again soon. Farewell, Nyota."


	2. Chapter 2 After Graduation

**After Graduation**

On board the Enterprise, Nyota could hardly sit still. She was just as excited now as she was upon hearing her orders to be assigned to the Enterprise shortly after the battle with Nero. Today, she found herself nervously checking over the smallest things. She fussed numerous times over her appearance, glancing often in every window at her reflection. She made sure that her uniform was impeccable and that her skin and makeup were picture perfect. She smoothed her hands over her skirt and straightened her posture. He would be here on the bridge soon.

How should she play this? She knew that being Vulcan, Spock would no doubt appreciate her controlled demeanor, especially on the bridge. She had wanted to meet with him earlier, but learned that he would not be finished with his briefing with the captain and docking crew until right before their departure. She was needed on the bridge to ensure that all was in working order in her department.

The perfume- she had forgotten to don the fragrant oils that she had painstakingly researched and picked out for this very moment. Damn. Perhaps she could just quickly run to her quarters and ...

She turned in her chair and stopped abruptly. Stepping off of the turbo lift onto the bridge was the Captain and her Vulcan. In his uniform blue, he was breathtakingly dashing to her. Time seemed to stand still momentarily as their eyes met and he approached his station. She turned around to face her console again.

'_Way to look like some lovesick schoolgirl,' _she thought to herself.

Spock sat down in his chair and turned his head slightly toward Uhura. "Good morning, Lieutenant."

"Good morning, Commander. I trust that the briefing went well this morning." Uhura said confidently.

"Yes, Lieutenant. Nothing noteworthy. I anticipate our departure to progress without incident." he returned.

Uhura nodded and smiled. God how she missed him! His voice echoed in her ears and she began to count the hours down until she could finally be alone with him.

Their departure progressed without incident as predicted- as did the rest of their shift.

When the end of her shift came, Uhura stood with her earpiece in her hand, practically shoving it into Lt. Breech's palm as he prepared to take his seat. She quickly updated him on the shift events and nodded a 'good luck' to him as she headed toward the turbo lift. She had expected Spock to be on her heels, but noticed that he remained behind talking with Captain Kirk and Sulu about what- she didn't know.

She was surprised to find that she was a little bit annoyed at this. The day was boring and painfully uneventful. Why was he stalling when he knows she waits for him? She slowed her stride toward the lift in the hopes that he would notice her leaving and catch up to her. As she entered the lift, however, she could see that he hadn't moved from his conversation with the two men and wasn't even looking in her direction.

'_Had he not noticed her at all?_' she wondered.

They had made small talk throughout the day- although it was purely professional and related to the mission or ship, but he hadn't seemed annoyed or unhappy in any way. Finally, she had waited long enough. She reached out and pressed the button on the console of the lift and continued to stare at the three men as the doors slid closed in front of her.

Nyota slid into her new bed and reached for her PADD on the nightstand nearby. She had the most wonderful shower and now she felt fresh and relaxed. Earlier, she stood in the shower thinking of Spock and anticipating his arrival. _He has to come tonight. I know that he wants to see me as much as I want to see him._

The anticipation was so strong and she had to remind herself that there were other reasons to be happy today as well. This was her first official day working on the Enterprise as a Starfleet officer! This is what she worked so very hard for. Why then, could she not stop thinking about Spock? She really needed to get a handle on herself and quickly.

The chime to her quarters rang. She leapt out of bed and tied a long night robe tightly around her body. She greeted Spock with a smile.

"Greetings, Nyota. I trust that I am not interrupting your evening?"

Nyota chuckled softly before uttering, "Not at all Spock. Please come in."

Spock barely stepped into her room before turning around and being grabbed around the neck by Nyota. She had practically threw herself onto him, hugging him without restraint. He placed his hands on her back as he hugged her in return. When they parted, she spoke first.

"I'm sorry, Spock. I ...it's just..I ..I've missed you so much while you were on New Vulcan. I am so happy that you are finally here with me."

"There is no need for apologies, Nyota. I am pleased by the gesture. I have missed you as well."

He reached his hand out to stroke her hair, his hand slowly moving to the back of her head and resting on the nape of her neck. He pulled her to him then and kissed her softly, chaste- just like the way he knows she likes it.

"Forgive my tardiness. I was detained by the Captain."

He kissed her again- a touch harder this time. She loved the taste of him. His mouth was perfect for kissing and he never forced it on her. She breathed him in deeply and let out a soft moan.

"I was worried that you wouldn't come." she admitted.

"I am here now." he whispered in her ear. Nyota felt her knees give slightly as her skin pricked with goose bumps from the heat of his words against her. She pulled away from him and looked him up and down. She knew that he had been up for a long period of time.

Knowing Spock, he probably didn't even rest the day before and she couldn't help but think that he looked tired now. She pulled him toward her bed and sat down.

"Come sit with me. I know that you're tired and I want you to rest now."

Spock looked as if he was about to protest, but instead gave in to the comfort of Nyota's dimly lit room and the quiet that surrounded them. He had been looking forward to being with her all day and could think of nothing better to do now than to lose himself in her arms.

The evening was sweet. They were not intimate, but they did not talk much either. They laid together content in each other's company. Nyota felt that the evening was perfect.

Spock, on the other hand, had different thoughts…

After seeing Nyota leave the bridge earlier that evening, Spock moved to dismiss himself from the Captain's company. Kirk had insisted, however, that he listen to Sulu and his suggestions regarding the docking procedures that were currently in place for the Enterprise. Included with his suggestions were protests regarding the modifications that were made on the ship after their encounter with Nero along with his suggested adjustments to the computer mainframe.

Spock, while always concerned with the running of the ship, was uninterested in this at the moment as he knew that there would be more than adequate time in the future to discuss such matters. He had one thing on his mind and she was leaving in what looked like a huff. He maintained their discussion longer than he'd intended and was more than pleased when Janice Rand, Kirk's yeoman, interrupted them to make an inquiry regarding her schedule for the next morning. He had used the diversion as a means to excuse himself for the evening.

He did not pause by his own quarters, but instead took the longer way to her room. He had memorized the ship's schematics long ago as the ship was being constructed and had even worked on the protocols regarding the ship's computer mainframe while he taught at the academy. He wanted - needed to clear his mind and prepare himself for the evening that lay before him with Nyota. When she appeared behind the sliding doors, he felt his heart soar and drop all at once...


	3. Chapter 3 Make Me

His relationship with her started quite innocently. Boundaries between teacher and student were clearly defined and remained that way for many months. The semesters passed quickly, however, and each passing term brought with it the promise of renewed delight and anticipation in knowing that she would be in his classes. He was fully aware of his growing fondness for the cadet, and aggressively controlled his thoughts and actions when around her. Fate conspired against him, however, when a colleague - a fellow professor, more than insisted that Nyota help him run the Kobayashi Maru test trials and assigned her to Spock for that purpose. The trials for the complex simulations took a great deal of time and work. They worked long hours into the nights (often just the two of them) and every weekend until the test was ready for administration.

It was during these long periods alone with her that he felt his resolve shake. Too many times his mind would wander with thoughts of her hair, her skin, her legs... Driven to distraction, he sought meditation and rigorous exercise as a means to reclaim his focus. When he found that he was unable to do so, he felt that drastic measures were in order. He began to ignore her when she was around him. The compliments on her work and observations became non-existent and the sharing of meals during breaks came to a screeching halt. He had even taken to correcting her every mistake and assumption, often stating regulations verbatim. All of these changes in his behavior toward the cadet seemed to be working as her warmth and inviting demeanor began to slowly shift into...dislike? ..hate?...Anger.

Spock was closing the computer lab late one evening during the summer semester. The academy during this time was a ghost town as many of the cadets had taken leave to visit family and return home for the break. All departments ran with a skeleton staff and shortened hours. His was the only exception. The computer lab was used by all the students at the academy and not just his own. Many times, cadets used the lab to accelerate their studies before the fall semester or needed to catch up on work missed or failed classes. Spock felt that these students needed extra time for their studies which, therefore, warranted the lab's extended hours of operation.

As he approached the last room in the lab, he noticed that the doors had been secured already. His inspection revealed that they had been locked from the inside. After unlocking the door and turning on all of the lights, he noticed a red uniform jacket resting on the back of one of the chairs in front of a computer console. The console was flashing a string of data that clearly indicated that it was malfunctioning. As he neared the work area, he saw a pair of smooth brown legs ending in a petite pair of bare feet poking out from underneath the desk beneath the broken computer. Beside the legs lay a small device used for playing music with a white cord trailing from it to the other end of the legs' owner- a body half hidden under the unit. This person was obviously a female and by the looks of it, was unable to hear a thing due to the thudding of loud music coming from her earbuds. Spock decided to wait patiently for whatever song the cadet was listening to, to end before making his presence known. He noticed that she tapped her foot in tune with the music and when she sang out loud to the lyrics, he knew exactly who it was lying on the floor.

Spock took several steps back as she began to shift around. He could smell the heat from the machine and deduced that it might be on the verge of overheating. Finally, he could wait no longer, so he bent down and spoke loudly to her. "Cadet. The lab is closed. It is time to leave."

Immediately, the tapping of the foot stopped. The naked legs shuffled quickly and scrambled forward, out from underneath the unit. She wriggled her body from side to side snaking the rest of the way out of the tight space until she was free. She sprang up and found herself standing in front of the commander. He stood in front of her with his hands clasped behind his back. The sight of her caused him to completely lose his focus.

The first thing that he noticed were the beads of perspiration on her face and neck. His eyes traveled lower still, admiring the sheen that covered the exposed tops of her breasts. Lower still were the small droplets of sweat that peppered her firm, flat abdomen. His eyes lingered. After a long moment, he snapped back into himself and regained his composure. She was not wearing her uniform jacket and stood there in only her brassiere and skirt. Her hair had been assembled in a messy bun that was threatening to fall from the top of her head and she was wiping her brow with her wrist. She was absolutely magnificent and he realized that he was caught completely off guard. He quickly did a mental check of his physical anatomy making sure that her appearance had not caused a physical reaction within him. He was safe there, but not for long, he knew.

Nyota didn't realize at first that she was half-dressed. She had discarded her boots and then her jacket when she first attempted to fix the machine, but found it unbearably warm underneath the nearly enclosed casing that held the machine's circuitry. The high powered light canister that she used to see underneath it didn't improve conditions one bit and caused her to sweat considerably as she worked to repair the unit. Surprised, she spoke first. "Professor! I ...was just attempting to repair this con..."

"Why are you in here, Cadet?" he interrupted. "The lab is closed and you are not authorized to make modifications or repairs to laboratory equipment. That job belongs to highly qualified technicians." He fought to keep his eyes on her face as he scolded her.

"Sir, " she began, "I did not mean any harm. This is a problem that I have experienced numerous times with this equipment and I know how..."

He continued to berate her. "There are specific rules and guidelines that have been outlined for all cadets who wish to utilize this laboratory. At the beginning of the academic year, all students are given a written copy of these in the Starfleet Academy Departmental Operations Student Handbook and all students are required to agree to them in writing. Not only that, but you are in your third year at this institution and have thus received three of these handbooks to date. I assure you, Cadet, that all of the rules contained therein are exactly the same from year to year."

Irritation was beginning to settle within Nyota. She tried to explain herself to Spock, but he kept cutting her off. She tried to tell him that she had repaired this particular unit numerous times before and that the fix was simple. When he asked why she didn't just use another unit, and leave a notice that this one needed attention, she tried to tell him, respectfully, that she had always used this console and had even programmed it when the systems failed two years ago due to a lightning storm when Professor Morgan was in charge of running the lab. He wasn't giving her enough time to speak, however. Finally, her anger got the best of her.

"I am aware of _every..._ _single..._ Starfleet Academy regulation, Professor, in addition to the regulations that govern this building and all of the equipment inside it. You have done a fantastic job in making sure that I am aware of the rules..._all_ of the rules..._.all_ of the time...thank you..._so_ much. I am not an imbecile and I would appreciate the opportunity to defend myself here." she barked.

He continued to look at her face. "I did not imply that you were an imbecile, Cadet. I am merely reminding you of your responsibilities. Furthermore..." He looked her over, his stare moving downward first and then, after taking in her beautiful long legs, moved back up to settle on her chin. "You are out of uniform."

Nyota's gaze never left Spock's eyes. She thought that, in them, she saw a flicker of something as he took in the sight of her half-dressed in front of him. His voice, too, sounded...forced. She jutted her chin out slightly. "My apologies, Sir, but I believe you can deduce why I am out of uniform." she said defiantly.

"Enlighten me, Cadet." he said sternly.

"Very well, then. Underneath this behemoth of a machine, lies a core modulator that is about as old as _**Methuselah. **_After prolonged use, without the appropriate cooling mechanism in place- which, by the way, has not been since the discovery of warp technology..."

"I am aware of the basic operation of a computer, Cadet. I am referring to the reasoning behind your poor judgment in meandering about half-nude in public." His eyes never left her chin.

"Half nude? No boots, no top. What I am wearing covers what any swim suit would. I hardly consider this being half nude. And I was not meandering. You clearly saw that the door was locked and the lights were dimmed very low. No one else would have even known or assumed that this room in the lab was occupied!" Her voice was louder now- her irritation clear.

"Be that as it may, Cadet, your actions are unbecoming of a respectable Starfleet..."

It was Nyota's turn to cut him off this time. She forgot herself and spoke out of line. "Don't tell me that my standing like this in front of you offends you so. It's not like I'm naked, is it Professor?"

She had a teasing tone to her voice and wished like hell that she could have retracted that last statement. It was too late now.

Spock raised an eyebrow, stunned at her words. The rest of his face remained impassive. A long silence settled between them.

She was the first to break it. "If there is nothing else, Sir, I'd like to finish assembly of this unit. I'm practically finished. All I need to do is put it all back together again."

"You may assemble your uniform, Cadet. Thereafter, you may promptly leave."

She couldn't understand why he was being such an asshole. He had been treating her this way for weeks, now and she had responded by keeping her distance from him. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but knew that he was terribly private about his life and did not want to intrude. She accepted his behavior thinking that perhaps, he would return to his old self again soon. Now, she didn't feel like crying, which sort of surprised her. She wasn't even all that angry anymore. Seeing his obvious admiration of her form earlier helped to cool her temper a bit and now she just felt... defiant.

"If it's okay with you, Sir, perhaps I could just continue what I was doing and lock up for you when I leave?" She tried very hard to sound nice and respectful.

"You may dress and be dismissed, Cadet" he said.

"But Sir..." she began.

"Get dressed" he ordered.

Spock turned his back toward her so that she could collect her things and get dressed.

As he did so, Nyota spoke. "No... Not yet"

Spock turned back to face her once again. "Get dressed" he said louder.

"When I am finished." she replied. She had had enough of his bad attitude toward her.

"If you persist in disobeying my direct order to you, Cadet, I will have no other recourse than to begin disciplinary procedures which will include a charge of indecent exposure on campus grounds. Now, get dressed."

_To hell with it_, she thought. _I've gone this far...may as well insert the rest of the foot in it._...

"Make me." Nyota said. Inside she winced at her sudden choice of words.

Spock regarded her coolly, although inside, he was flustered at what she had said. _Make me...make me?_ He was still and quiet as he thought of his next move. Nyota stood expectantly in front of him with her hands clasped behind her back. She eyed him determinedly. She moved her arms from behind her back and opened them wide as if in mock crucifixion.

"Make...me.." she said again slowly, her voice sounding every bit like the confident woman she _now_ felt.

Spock's eyes were intense and dark as they looked directly into hers. He had been standing like this in front of her since she voiced her challenge. Without a change in his demeanor or facial expression, he replied, "As you wish."

She watched him as he retrieved her jacket and boots from nearby. He moved with such grace and she imagined him in so many ways doing so many things with that very graceful body of his. Her mind was a sea of sinful thoughts as she waited for him to approach her. Her body was wet with sweat that had been accumulating all throughout their confrontation. She made no move to wipe any of it away. _How had all this turned lustful? _She was embarrassed at the way her mind would turn to this end every time they were together, regardless of what they were doing. She willed herself to stop. Stop it right now, but she couldn't help but fantasize right in front of him as she stared at his perfectly formed hands and long, sexy fingers.

Spock moved slowly. He could sense the change in her. He could tell by the slight flush of her skin, the increase in her perspiration, and the quickened pace of her breathing that she did, indeed, want him. Her pheromones permeated his senses as they emanated from all around her. He grit his teeth. He can't be near her now. He knows his boundaries and limitations and this is where he will fail. He summoned everything that he could possibly muster to help gain his control. If he did not tread carefully here, it was game over. He would indeed, do something- many things that he would later regret...things that would get him (and her) kicked out of Starfleet for certain. He had to take control of this situation and soon. He turned his back toward her as he reached for her jacket. He paused to collect himself again. He could not resist, however, the images of him shredding her clothes from her body as he desperately worked to enter it. He glimpsed images of taking her hard on this desk, on the floor, against every wall in this room...

He grit his teeth again and turned to face Nyota. She looked at him- a silent challenge in her eyes. She knew what she was doing and she was winning. Spock steeled himself as he neared her. He took her jacket and threaded her lovely arms through each hole. He felt her desire now, through his touch on her skin. He worked to shield himself from her as he knew it wouldn't be wise for her to glimpse into his mind. Her jacket was on now. This was almost over. He worked diligently as he attempted to zip her jacket up. He was able to engage the zipper and close it half way, but then stalled when it came to her breast area. It would appear that she would have to do some adjusting to get everything to zip up completely.

He glanced up from her chest and looked at her, his eyes pleading. _Isn't this interesting, _she thought. She was having fun, now and made no move to help him. She cocked her head to the side- a gesture she learned from him. Finally, he spoke.

"Cadet, you will...uh...have to..." he gestured to her shirt, making an upward motion with his hands. "...do the rest."

Nyota did not reply and stood staring. After a long pause, she said quietly, "Of course, Professor."

She lowered her arms and slowly- very slowly grabbed one of her breasts tucking it into the jacket. Her eyes held his stare all the while. When she was tucked all the way in, she held her arms out to her sides again. _This was fun. _Spock quickly seized the zipper and closed the garment completely. He turned to leave when she stopped him in his tracks with one outstretched leg. She was holding on to the chair behind her, slightly leaning back against it. In this position, her chest jutted out toward him and her skirt lifted higher up her thighs.

He didn't need this. Not right now. He was desperate to be in his quarters meditating this evening away. The urge to flee was great. She was clearly the victor here.

Like an obedient child, Spock bent down to retrieve her boots. He rose to his full height with the boots in one hand and taking a few steps closer to her, allowed them to fall heavily to the floor in front of her. _She can put her own boots on_. He continued to look her in the eyes. With fluid grace, she slid each leg into her boots.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Frozen to his spot, Spock did nothing but watch.

Nyota turned slightly to the side and placed her foot on a chair. Bending down ever so slowly, she grabbed the zipper of her boot. Her long smooth leg demanded his attention. Her shapely thigh was exposed and his body twitched slightly as he anticipated the revelation of more. Now his breathing quickened and he fought mentally to control himself. He really didn't need this.

When Nyota was completely in uniform, she moved toward him and stood only inches away from him. Hands clasped behind her back, she looked straight ahead at the far back wall behind her instructor and waited.

"You are dismissed, Cadet. Good night."

Nyota took several lazy steps toward the exit but whirled around suddenly, walking back toward her instructor. Spock was rooted to his spot in front of the broken machine and said nothing when she walked past him stopping abruptly in front of him. She exaggerated her movements now for her captive audience. She stood, unmoving for a moment. With the grace and flexibility of a true ballerina, she bent all the way over at the waist- her legs straight and her perfectly shaped backside reaching up toward the heavens. She stretched her body, holding it a bit longer for his viewing pleasure, until her fingers found the metallic body of the light cannister far beneath the desk. She stood upright again and turned to face Spock. His face was set in stone, eyes unblinking.

Nyota smiled sweetly and held up the cannister, "Maintenance will be wanting this back."

Spock was momentarily speechless fighting to mentally shaking off the scene he had just witnessed. At a loss for words, he nodded his head curtly.

"You have a good night, Commander." And with that, she strode out of the lab like a model walking the catwalk.


	4. Chapter 4 Enough

As she slept in his arms, his mind whirled with a thousand thoughts. Spock was never this unfocused and it irritated him. His logic was seemingly faulty tonight. Spock knew that he shouldn't be there with her. It was better to sever this romantic tie between them early and his actions tonight made that task even more difficult. Coming here had, indeed, been a mistake and his announcement followed by the apology that he had planned to give her, was now completely ruined. This evening, he acted on his feelings. He was so pleased to see her on the bridge and fought to keep from staring at her throughout their shift. Abandoning her tonight would have set the stage for what he needed to say.

Gently, he laid her head on her pillow and tucked her into her bed. He sat and looked on while she slumbered, memorizing again the lines of her beautiful face. He knew that this would be his last sweet memory of her- the last time he would look upon her while she still felt love for him. A pang of despair threatened to consume him just then, but he managed to choke it off in time for him to turn from her and exit her quarters. The next time, their meeting would end very differently. He practically ran down the corridor until he reached the stark emptiness of his room. Meditation was definitely in order.

The next day's shift was a whirl of non-stop activity. There were many reports to confirm in preparation for their current destination as well as personnel to redirect. Kirk and Spock were mostly off the bridge seeing to the numerous departments on the ship. Sulu proved to be a most entertaining leader, however, and the bridge crew fell into fun banter with bouts of harmless ribbing. The day's events left Uhura in a wonderful mood as she entered the lift. She was humming happily to herself as she rode all the way to her deck. She would see her Vulcan tonight and she planned to do more than just cuddle. She had seen Spock very briefly at the start of their shift and she missed him throughout the day. She had a wonderful evening planned for them, however, and she moved quickly to prepare herself for it.

Spock arrived early that evening. She was not completely ready for him when her door chime alerted her. Surprised, she scrambled to get herself together and looked in the mirror before answering him.

"Good evening, Nyota." he began.

"I didn't expect to see you so soon." she admitted.

He entered her quarters and stopped just short of the sitting area. "I regret that I cannot stay long. There are unfinished matters that I must attend to."

Nyota couldn't hide the disappointment in her face. "I see. Can they not wait until tomorrow's shift?"

"I have committed myself to the tasks at hand and am expected to deliver my reports to the captain first thing in the morning." he stated matter-of-factly.

She noted that he didn't seem to be broken up about it. And why would he promise to do such a thing when he knew that this was the only time they would have for each other? Nyota knew that she was being sensitive now. He was a Vulcan Starfleet officer. Of course, work was his top priority and she knew better than to interfere with this.

Trying to hide her dissatisfaction, she nodded her head. Spock paused a moment before continuing with what he had really came to see her about. He mentally strengthened his resolve one last time before he spoke.

"Nyota...there is a matter that I must discuss with you." He paused again before continuing, "You are aware of the Federation's ongoing efforts to aid New Vulcan in the re-establishment of its culture and society."

It was more of a question than a statement. Nyota nodded, her brow furrowed in concern.

"...I am... required to...further... assist in those efforts." His speech was stilted now.

Nyota started to feel an ache forming in her chest. _Not again. Please...not again. _She closed her eyes, readying herself for what was to come.

"I regret that I will be leaving Starfleet for an indeterminate amount of time until..."

"Again, Spock? I thought that was what you were doing eight months ago. I don't understand. You are only two days into your assignment on the Enterprise." She was starting to whine now but didn't care. This was not fair, nor was it logical- at least to her it wasn't.

Spock's eyes were pleading. "Nyota, please understand. I am under obligation to assist with the colony. Eight months is not sufficient enough time to make the necessary adjustments to establish a colony of this size. To ensure the survival of the colony, great developments in not only..."

"You mentioned the Federation," she interrupted abruptly. "Is this a reassignment from Starfleet? Is that what you mean by obligation?"

"No, Nyota. While the Federation is leading in the colonization efforts, my obligation to the cause is by choice. Please understand that I do not wish to be parted from you again, however, I cannot ignore my responsibilities to my people during this time of need."

She could not help but feel angry. She didn't want to lose him again but she knew that his sense of duty and responsibility was great. She was being unfair..and greedy. She searched her mind for something- anything that would steady her emotions. After a long period of time, she sighed and nodded her head in agreement, ashamed at her selfishness and the way she snapped at him earlier.

"Okay." she whispered, her voice cracking slightly. "Okay. If that's what is needed...I guess I...okay."

She opened her eyes to look at him. She thought he looked somber- sad at the way his words made her feel. She didn't want to be the cause of this distress for him, so she simply asked, "How long?"

Spock pulled her gently toward him and touched his forehead to hers. "I do not know." he whispered. When he heard her sharp intake of breath, he reassured her soothingly. "I will not have to leave for another ninety-two days, three hours and 13 minutes. I would very much like to spend this time with you, Nyota."

She nodded her head yes. "Just not tonight." she couldn't help it and immediately regretted the statement after it came out. "I'm sorry, Spock. I don't know how to feel about this. I know that you are right, but I ...I just ...I just got you back. I have missed you terribly."

He kissed her then, deciding that this was enough anguish for the both of them tonight.


	5. Chapter 5 Meditations

After Spock left her for the night, Nyota let out a breath that she didn't realize she was holding in. It wasn't really a breath more than it was a sob. She sat down at the edge of her bed and allowed her tears to fall. Damn. This really wasn't fair. After a few moments, she gathered herself together and wiped the tears on her cheeks with her hands. "No!" she yelled out to her empty room. She allowed her anger to surface now. She recalled Spock's words during the times that he had contacted her from New Vulcan.

_..."I believe that the elders have all matters well underhand."_

_..." I appear to be underfoot here as Sarek has already anticipated many of the possible problems that the colony may experience."_

_..."I think of you often."_

_..."I am pleased that I am able to speak with you today."_

_..."I think often of the day when we are reunited"_

_.."I...miss you too, Nyota."_

"Bullshit, Spock!" she yelled out again. Nyota began to prepare herself for bed. She replayed the statements over again in her mind. She replayed the evening and struggled to come up with anything that she could have said to change his mind-again. Different emotions played inside her heart. She was angry at him. She loved him. She didn't need him. She needed him.

Doubts circulated within. She wondered how he truly regarded her. She wondered if he had grown tired of her. She debated whether he was attracted to her. No, she knew that he _did_ find her attractive- at least, at one time he did. She recalled the times alone with the Vulcan when he would stare at her body. She remembered how she fought to keep from smiling to herself as he licked his lips when she would animatedly cross her long legs; and how, even though he was her superior, he more than insisted that she walk ahead in front of him when they were moving from place to place together. And, of course, there was that evening at the computer lab long ago. She had definitely sensed something raw and hidden from him then.

Oh yes, he was in to her, alright. Nyota had to make sure that nothing had changed there. She stayed up a while longer as she lay in her bed thinking of the ways that she would make him hers. She could do it, but she knew she'd better do it well and she'd better do it fast. _At least in the next ninety-one days, twenty-...oh whatever the hell_.

Before long, she fell into deep sleep, satisfied with herself.

The next day's shift went on as one would expect on the third day of what was supposed to be the maiden voyage of Starfleet's most elite flagship. Uhura spent her shift largely ignoring Spock. He didn't seem to notice, however. Of course, this annoyed Uhura and only served to fuel her determination of making the Commander want her...the way she wanted him. Her station was running quite smoothly and she didn't require any interaction with the Science Officer. Other than the greetings that were exchanged prior to shift start, they said next to nothing to one another for its duration.

He wondered if she was angry with him and kept his distance. _Perhaps it was for the better. _Spock worked through his mess break**. **He did not want to risk a scene in the mess hall if she was feeling volatile as a result of the previous evening. He had pondered this possibility when he left her quarters last night, but thought it unlikely as she seemed to take the news of his leaving well. Perhaps she was merely acting. She could have easily changed her feelings about him after having sufficient time to think. If this were the case, Spock deduced that it was for the best as his departure would then be easier for the both of them. This last thought brought him a sense of false peace and he concentrated his energies on analyzing the data streams on his console.

Later, in his quarters, Spock prepared his mats and his body for meditation. He had cleansed himself of the external world and was ready to sit down at his place in the center of his living area. As he worked to center his mind in preparation for its journey, he couldn't help but replay the events of the day. He started to experience a feeling of regret -regret at having to leave the Enterprise and do what his father wished for him to do on New Vulcan. He felt guilt starting to break through his regret. He knew that he had behaved in a way that would indicate to Nyota that she was an important part of his life. He knew that he had expressed his deep fondness for her on numerous occasions, sometimes without even purposely doing so. When he was with her, it seemed that his mind and body worked against his logic. Too many times, he found himself indulging in his emotions. Feelings of desire and lust underlying a much stronger feeling of ...something more... lay buried deep inside. He wished that he could return to a time before her when his goals were set and clear and his direction unfailing. He could only hope that time away from her before his departure will be sufficient to purge these feelings that caused such a disturbance to his psyche. He realized, however, that wishing and hope were human emotions devoid of logic and purpose. He set about to do what he had prepared himself to and lit the candle that would center him once again.

As he began to delve into a trance, the chime to his quarters rang. He realized that he had neglected to set the computer to a privacy sequence that allowed him to have this time uninterrupted. Reluctantly, he called out, "Come."

His side was facing the entrance and from the corner of his eye, he saw Nyota standing just in front of his door. He turned to face her and rose to his full height.

"I'm sorry to bother you..." Her eyes fell to the small platform on the floor and the ritual candle that lay atop it. "Oh...It's a bad time. I'll come back later." She moved toward the exit when Spock caught up to her.

"I was preparing to meditate. Perhaps we can schedule a visit for tomorrow at a more convenient hour?"

Nyota just stood there in silence. _Schedule a visit? A more convenient hour? Tomorrow? What the hell? Did he really just dismiss me?_

She couldn't understand why she was having such difficulty accepting that he didn't want to see her. What had she expected? She did ignore him today. What else was he going to do but dismiss her? It was clear to her by the way he was dressed in his pajamas that he hadn't planned on seeing her this evening. She was annoyed with him and the tone in her response indicated so.

"I tell you what, Spock. Why don't _you_ just come see _me _when you're ready?" She put emphasis on the words 'you' and 'me'. She turned away from him.

Spock grabbed her gently by the forearm stopping her in mid-turn. His voice was soft. "Nyota. You are angry with me."

"I'm disappointed, Spock that's all. I thought that you would want..." she trailed off. "...Is everything okay?"

Spock assumed his typical stance and with arms behind his back, lowered his head averting his eyes from her. "I thought that you did not wish to spend time with me. Your actions on the bridge indicated that you were displeased."

Softening slightly, she stepped closer to him and laid her hand on his chest. "I am displeased, Spock. I am greatly displeased at the news that you delivered to me last night. I came here to tell you that I want nothing more than to spend the remainder of your time here with you. I will see you tomorrow, Spock."

And with that, she left.

Despite his earlier thoughts about distancing himself from her, Spock felt oddly relieved and ...happy. He found it curious that he was able to meditate easily and that sleep came quickly.


	6. Chapter 6 Competition

Nyota stood in front of her full length cheval. She had gotten permission from the Maintenance Department to have the antique full-length mirror beamed aboard the ship as long as it met the weight and dimensional requirements. It was from the late Victorian century and stood out like a sore thumb in her sleek modern sleeping nook. She loved the look of it, however. It was ornately lovely and reminded her of her femininity each time she stepped in front of it. Tonight, she was admiring the dress that she had bought at Deep Space Station K7 earlier that day. She was thrilled that their arrival to the station coincided with a day off. After working for nearly three weeks straight, she was ready for a break. She would have three uninterrupted days to spend with Spock. She looked at her body in the mirror and smiled.

It had been three weeks already and she was no closer to seducing him than she was when she was a student at the Academy. When they were able to see one another after their shifts, they carried on like a pair of virgin teenagers. He would hold her hand frequently or run his fingers through her hair as she laid her head on his lap while they talked. Their kisses were always initiated by him and always when they parted at the end of the evening. And they _always _parted. They never spent the night together. She was being patient with him as she did not want to put him off. She knew that a display of sexual aggression from her would only scare him away or dissuade him. Then there were those nights when they didn't see each other at all due to his insistence on completing projects assigned to him by the captain.

She wasn't ready to give up, however. This was the first block of days off for the bridge crew on the alpha shift. It was also a great opportunity for her to use her feminine wiles in a way that she hadn't been able to before. Spock would have no excuse to run from her.

When Spock arrived at her quarters, his eyebrows rose in admiration of her. She wore a fitted dress with a hem that ended just above the knee. It was of a fine material with a slit in the side that stopped mid-thigh. The bright white color of the delicate fabric was a beautiful stark contrast to her perfect brown skin. Her long hair was down and worn in a soft style that feathered gently in the front framing her face. She wore little makeup as she was exotically beautiful without it. Her smile was radiant and his jaw nearly dropped. Nearly.

His response to her, instead, was an impassive nod.

**"**Well.." said Nyota. She held her hands out to her sides as she turned around in a circle for his inspection. "What do you think?"

Spock seemed to be in a momentary trance as he stared at her. He looked her body over very slowly from head to toe. Nyota couldn't ignore the hunger in his stare. _This is a start, _she thought to herself.

When he spoke, the roughness of his voice surprised him. "You are...a ..pleasurable sight."

Nyota sighed. Why doesn't he just get over himself and all this damn logic and jump her bones? She was gorgeous tonight and she knew it. Pretty soon, the men folk aboard DS Station K7will know it, too. She grabbed her clutch and followed him out the door.

As she had predicted, all eyes followed her as she and Spock strolled into the restaurant. Their evening included dinner and a theater performance of a classical Orion love story. Afterward, they arrived at his quarters and they began their nightly ritual of talking and skirting around certain subjects.

Nyota sat on Spock's couch with her legs tucked underneath her. As was the privilege of all senior officers, Spock's quarters were much larger than Nyota's. His quarters contained completely separate areas for sleeping and lounging separated by a door barrier instead of the studio style spaces like the one that she occupied. He was currently in his bedroom taking a call from his father from New Vulcan. She thought about their evening.

The dinner they had was wonderful and she noted how Spock went on a little longer than usual in the analysis of his meal which he described to her in great detail. The performance was equally pleasing. She noted to herself how it was very racy at certain times- the dialogue filled with lustful innuendoes which really didn't surprise her. It was Orion, after all and they weren't really known for their modesty in the area of romance.

Throughout the performance, she could see Spock staring openly at her from out of the corner of her eye. He stared so intently at her that, at one point, she started to flush with embarrassment. She wondered if he noticed this.

Nyota was admired by many of the men in the establishment -many of whom, made no attempts to hide their pleasure for her. Spock, of course, noticed all of the admirers in the room. She recalled how his jaw tightened and how his fists clenched when he spotted one smiling at her. She had never seen this side of Spock before and was pleased by his controlled displays of jealousy.

She began to primp and perfect her pose on the couch. She fluffed her hair and adjusted her dress about her. She wanted to be the picture of perfection for him when he emerged from his room.

And, she was.

When he entered the living room and saw her sitting on the couch, he paused momentarily before engaging her in discussion. Nyota beamed up at him. "Everything okay, Spock?"

"Sarek sends his regards, Nyota, however all is not well."

"You aren't going to tell me that you are leaving, are you?" she asked, her smile fading.

"No, I am not needed until the appointed time, but I'm afraid that I must ask you for...as humans say, a raincheck?" he replied.

Nyota straightened her back and looked straight ahead. She was surprised. Why did he keep sending her away? This seemed to always be happening to her. She wasn't sure how much longer she could continue to take this rejection from him.

"I see." she said with restrained annoyance. She moved her legs out from beneath her and stood up. She donned her high heels at the door and swung around to face Spock.

"I will see you later, then." she sounded like a robot as she spoke. Before he could offer an apology or explanation, she was out the door.

Earlier, Spock wanted to throw the console against the wall. His father had finished rattling off a litany of tasks that he expected Spock to do before coming back to New Vulcan. This would mean that he would be weighted down with more work and have less time to spend with Nyota. He started to protest, claiming that his work aboard the Enterprise took top priority as he was currently working in the capacity of Senior Science Officer, but his father dismissed him easily, cutting him off as if he were some disruptive child. In the end, Spock relented with silence. He listened to his father speak on about his expectations of him and then he ended the transmission abruptly without thanks or gratitude. Spock simply rose from the console and exited the room to rejoin Nyota. He was upset, now. He didn't want to feel this way, but couldn't center himself without meditative aid. He didn't want to face Nyota with these emotions unsettling him so.

He decided that the logical thing to do was to ask her to leave. He would make it up to her later.

On her second day off, Nyota spent it with Chekov and Sulu. They were interested in checking out some of the intergalactic shops and drinking establishments and wanted Nyota to come along to, of course, translate. They wanted to avoid any unnecessary altercations on their first days off. When they all met up together, the two men commented positively on Nyota's wardrobe. She was well put together and again couldn't help but capture the attention of the many passersby and males that swarmed the station. They decided to stop in at a bar that was not too busy.

"Hey, I think that guy over there is staring at you." muttered Sulu. He nodded his head at Nyota in the direction of the stranger sitting in a nearby table.

Without thinking, she whipped her head around.

"...No-don't look." said Sulu, trying to remain discreet.

But it was too late. Nyota had already made eye contact and was giving the handsome stranger a smile. She turned back around to face her friends. Smiling, she said teasingly "Why? Jealous?"

Chekov chuckled. "Yes, me. I am jealous. How come you never smile at me like this?" His accent always made her smile and she gave him a big one that made him blush.

"Because if she did, then Spock would kick your ass." replied Sulu. He was looking around the room now making sure that all was well. This reminded Nyota of Spock as he did this often when they were together.

"What's up with you two, anyway?" asked Sulu. "Have you guys...you know…"

He made a gesture with his fist, slowly punching it forward out in front of him to indicate the sexual act.

" Of course, that's probably none of my business though...but I mean...you know...I'm just asking.."

Nyota rolled her eyes.

"I have no comment on the matter" she replied, "now drink your drink...it's getting warm"

Sulu lifted his glass to his mouth, smiling as he did. "Yep, that's what I thought"

The three officers moved on to conquer the rest of the afternoon.

It was fun being around Hikaru and Pavel during off hours. She had recently begun enjoying their company during the evenings when Spock was unavailable. She would find them messing around in the rec room or in the mess hall cutting up and always laughing or joking about something. She was glad that they had invited her along with them today. She was mad at Spock. But she knew that by the evening all would be forgiven and she would once again be in his company until the wee hours of the night.

The day was fast approaching its end.

Tonight, Nyota decided that she wouldn't go to him. She would do something more constructive like wash her hair or tend to unread messages. She wanted him to wonder about _her_- to want to see _her _- to contact _her_. She would simply go on without him tonight.

When the night went on and she did not see or hear from Spock, she was pissed. She had had enough. She deserved more than this. She couldn't understand why he was treating her this way. She told herself that she would not pine over him. She wasn't sure that he was even interested.

When the Enterprise left the space station, Spock was busy as usual; and on the bridge everything picked up where it had left off for Nyota. That was until, she attended a meeting with the senior officers of the bridge in the Captain's ready room. Captain Kirk briefed his crew on the arrival of Spock's replacement. He was newly promoted Commander Paul Jess from the USS Lexington and he would be on temporary duty with the Enterprise until further notice. Nyota felt a sinking feeling in her stomach at the mention of Spock being replaced. She knew that this meeting was coming and she wished that she didn't have to be there.

Every officer in attendance was briefed on their responsibilities regarding the new commander. Spock was, of course, to ensure that the new commander understood his responsibilities as Chief Science Officer. He would take over any projects that Spock was working on and complete them in his stead. The rest of the crew were to extend any aid to help the commander feel "at home" aboard the Enterprise.

The Captain concluded the meeting with a speech reassuring the crew that he felt confident about the new commander's ability to perform adequately. He also made a point to emphasize that Commander Spock would be terribly missed and could never be replaced. Nyota felt that sentiment all too well inside her heart. She wasn't ready to deal with his leaving yet and hadn't started to give in to her grief.

While they waited for Cmdr Jess to beam aboard the ship, Spock stood next to Nyota in the hopes that she could sense his regret for not spending any time with her while at the space station earlier that week. His second and third day at the station was spent working on the revised protocols for the computers on the bridge that Sulu had been so animated about on their first day aboard the Enterprise. He had simply told her that he had "matters to attend to" and that he was not going to be able to accompany her throughout the large station. He remembered that she seemed to take it well.

But before she could take notice of him, a figure came into view on the transporter pad. As he materialized, Nyota thought that he seemed familiar. When he came into focus, she realized that he was the gentleman from the bar at the station.

With a smile on his face, the Captain greeted the new officer and began to introduce each member of the crew. One by one, Cmdr Jess shook each officer's hand (with the exception of Spock's, of course). When he finally came to Nyota, he paused suddenly and took in the sight of her. His eyes gleamed in admiration as he slowly reached for her hand.

"And this is Lt. Nyota Uhura, Communications Officer."said the Captain.

"Of course. Lt. Uhura. We meet again." he said.

She smiled as she offered her hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Commander"

Spock raised an eyebrow at the exchange. He looked down at the hands that were bonded in greeting and noted that he held her a little longer than he found necessary.

"...And that smile is as heart stopping now as it was then. " He placed his free hand over his heart. His smile was electrifying. He was truly handsome- classically so with a strong jaw and angular face that made him stand out in a crowd.

"Yet here you stand to live another day." she said smiling.

_Not for long if he continues to keep that up, _Spock thought. That was quite enough. Spock was more than ready for this to be over with. Fortunately, Kirk picked up on his vibe and swiftly spirited the new commander away to "get started". Spock definitely had questions for her. When had she seen this man and why was she smiling at him? Why does he speak to her so familiarly? He would seek her out tonight and get the answers to his queries. Surely there was a logical explanation for these two individuals to be acquainted.

For now, however, he had work to do. He decided that he would not let Cmdr Jess out of his sight and he would certainly keep him away from Nyota. Before following behind the Commander and Captain, Spock shot Nyota a questioning look that almost made her giggle out loud. She had his attention now, she knew. She also knew that he would come knocking at her door very soon.

Very soon proved to be a few moments after the end of their shift. Nyota was surprised when her door chimed his arrival. She was even more surprised when she saw that it wasn't Spock after all. Cmdr Jess stood in the space of her doorway. In his hand was a PADD that she didn't recognize. Caught off guard, she didn't speak right away. He began first.

"I…wanted to return this to Nurse Chapel, but I see that I have the wrong door."

"She is that way" Nyota pointed down the corridor. "Two doors down on the right side"

He returned her smile and suddenly found himself at a loss for words. Nyota could't help but think how cute this was. Earlier, he was the epitome of self-confidence- a regular James Kirk. But now he seemed shy, almost boyish as he stood in front of her. She smirked a little while he worked to recover.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Lt." was all he could say before heading down the hall.

She retreated into her quarters as the doors slid closed behind her.

Moments later, Spock stood in front of Nyota's door. Stepping out of the lift, he had seen Jess come to her room and exchange a few words with her. He noticed that she smiled the entire time they conversed. He recalled accurately the young man's body language- his uncertain hopping from one foot to the other, the shaking of his head as he fought to think of what to say, and… what was that at the very end? He had stopped in mid stride and turned around to look in the direction where she had once been standing. He then pondered something, and smiled to himself nodding his head before returning toward his intended destination.

Spock was…disturbed. He did not like how this day had turned out. He began to scan his perfect memory for conversations shared with Nyota. Perhaps she had mentioned something in the past that would explain her acquaintance with Cmdr Jess. He was unable to find any such information, however. His mind began to wander toward other possibilities when the doors in front of him swooshed open and Nyota came stepping through them.

She was looking down at the floor as she walked which is why she didn't notice Spock standing there until she ran right into him.

"Oh!" she cried as Spock reached out to grab her, keeping her from falling, "Spock! I'm sorry…I didn't know you were there."

"It is of no consequence. I did not mean to interrupt…." he explained.

"Not at all. I was just going down to the Mess Hall to get a little snack. But I can wait. Come in." She gestured for him to enter her quarters.

Stepping in he didn't hesitate to discuss his thoughts. "Nyota, I understand that you and Cmdr Jess are acquainted." It was more of a question than a statement. She lowered her head and fought back a smirk.

"What about it, Spock?" She was going to make him work for this. She decided to remain as obtuse as possible to make him express himself. She knew that it would probably be just short of torture for him, but she didn't care. He had ignored her all this time and now that he sees what he perceives as a rival…..well….she wasn't going to let this opportunity slide before taking full advantage of it.

He cleared his throat and clasped his hands behind his back.

"I am attempting to acertain the nature of your relationship with him. He appears to be….enamored with you." His face was inscrutable and he stared at a point just behind her left ear.

"Ah, I see." She nodded her head up and down slowly. "Well, I happen to know him from the space station. I met him there when I was out and about with Chekov and Sulu…..And for the record—there is no relationship, Spock. I barely know him."

She was trying to read him. Inside she was clapping her hands. Her face, however, was solemn and questioning. He reached his hand out to her and gently rubbed her cheek with the back of his fingers.

"I apologize for leaving you alone on K7. I wish for you to know how pleasing our first night there was for me."

Nyota knew she was a sucker. She need only to hear his voice and look into his dark eyes before she was forgiving him completely. Against her better judgment, she acquisced.

"It's okay," she said softly, "I had Chekov and Sulu to keep me company."

They were once again at peace and they headed for the Mess Hall for their evening meal.

There, Cmd. Jess sat at a table with Kirk and the ship's helmsmen. They seemed to be discussing something important as all the officers were intenly listening to the Captain going on about something. Spock hoped that the Captain would see that he is spending personal time with Nyota and refrain from calling him over to join the discussion.

He was wrong, however. After a few moments, the Captain raised an arm up gesturing for Spock to come join him at his table. He had caught Nyota's eye which meant for her to come as well.

She sighed slightly and followed behind Spock.


	7. Chapter 7 Squirrel Cage

Nyota stretched her entire body as she lay in her bed. It was a long night and she was tired. She was disappointed at the fact that she did not get to eat a quiet dinner with Spock that night. Instead she sat at a table full of male officers and listened as they talked shop. She didn't understand why she was there as none of the discussion involved her department. She was ignored by nearly everyone there. Nearly.

She took controlled bites of her food, unsure as to why she felt uneasy sitting there. Every now and then she would look up to see Cmdr Jess looking at her.

_So what? It's nothing, Nyota. Just keep it cool._

She just nodded her head and went back to the task of finishing her meal. She would dart her eyes at Spock every time she received one of Jess's glances to see if he'd noticed. He hadn't.

_Should've known._

Spock was too involved in discussion to notice her or anything else, for that matter. He hadn't even eaten his food. When she finished her meal, she waited for a pause in the banter to announce that she was leaving, citing fatigue as her reason.

Kirk was not a stupid man and he certainly wasn't clueless when it came to women. He mercifully stated that it was getting late and that perhaps they should all disperse and get back to their personal lives. She was glad that he did this and smiled a thank you to him.

Spock walked her to her quarters and announced that he had, of course, work to do.

_All this work?….and just for Spock?_

She was tired anyway, and didn't have time to argue. His excuses were getting old and although she was getting annoyed with him, she didn't protest. They said their goodbyes and parted ways.

Spock thought about the exchange between him and Nyota. He was displeased with having to tell her that he couldn't be with her tonight. He didn't understand why he was more displeased at her reaction to his news. He had fully expected her to protest- at the very least ask why he couldn't stay. But she hadn't. After pondering the possible reasons behind this seemingly odd behavior, he stumbled upon one possibility that made him stop in his tracks.

He thought about how Jess had stolen glances at Nyota throughout dinner; and before that when he was talking with her in front of her quarters. Perhaps they were planning a rendezvous for later on tonight. He had cancelled numerous times with Nyota within the past weeks and she, no doubt, knew that tonight he would do the same. Perhaps she did not protest because she truly hadn't minded his absence. He was doing exactly what they wanted him to do. Inside, he felt the beginnings of a very familiar emotion beginning to stir. He was becoming angry.

As a Vulcan, he should have been able to stop this emotion from escalating to the point where he felt he was heading now. He should have been able to think logically on the issue and realize that his accusations were unfounded. He should have known that he was only assuming on the day's events and did not hear any of the conversation that transpired between Jess and Nyota. He should be in control. He _should._

His human side was working against him. Logic and reason were losing and his mind was beginning to squirrel cage in a cycle that he could not break. In his mind, he imagined the two of them in her quarters talking, laughing, and perhaps touching. He pictured Jess smiling and wooing her with his cunning words; and Nyota weakening under his charm. He imagined them consummating a relationship that she said to him they didn't even have. And it was happening….right now.

Spock turned on his heels and headed for the turbo lift. He waited an impossibly long time for the lift to arrive. When it did and he walked onto it, the ensigns that were occupying it moved swiftly out of his way. He was a menacing sight, although he was not mindful of it.

Spock masked his annoyance when the lift stopped several times before reaching the bridge. This was not his destination; and he thought about exiting the lift, walking across the bridge and down the ship's private corridor to utilizing the other lift there. He started to move to do so when the Captain entered and stood beside him.

"Spock, I thought you were with the Lt. tonight." said the Captain with a slight smirk on his face. He had an easy demeanor tonight.

"Captain, I am on my way now to see her." Spock's response seemed forced and a little restrained. The Captain turned and looked at him.

"Something wrong, Spock?"

"No, Captain." Spock paused a moment before adding, "It is… personal in nature."

Kirk turned toward Spock and studied him for a moment before replying. "Ah, I see." He faced forward once again and placed his hands behind his back, imitating his Science Officer.

"You know, Spock…sometimes women can make men behave in ways they normally wouldn't if they weren't around. It's always been that way….can't be helped."

"I will consider that statement." Spock wasn't impressed. He continued to look straight ahead.

When the lift stopped at the captain's deck, he departed with one last comment.

"I know you'll do the right thing, Spock…whatever it is. Good luck." Kirk said it playfully, not meaning anything specific by it. He had figured that Spock had done something to get into the dog house with Uhura and, having been there multiple times himself, was merely acknowledging his misfortune.

Spock considered the Captain's last statement as the lift doors shut. He was right. The logical thing to do is always the right thing to do. This matter is no different. Nyota clearly preferred the new commander over him. He decided to do the right and logical thing. He would first refrain from seeing her until tomorrow evening, that is, if her personal schedule allowed. But first, he would observe things objectively throughout their shift tomorrow. He would, no doubt, see for himself that the two had forged a relationship after all. All of his time spent around humans has made him quite adept at analyzing their behavior. He redirected the lift and after a moment, stepped out into his corridor.

The next morning started like any other. Sulu relayed his reports to the Captain as he stepped onto the bridge, followed by Chekov, then Uhura, and lastly, Spock. Spock looked directly at Uhura as he spoke to the Captain. No one noticed.

Spock, however, noticed a few things already. He noted how Uhura smiled widely at the Captain as he took her report. He also noticed that she was obsessing over her appearance. He had seen her looking at her reflection in the side glass as she walked off of the lift before the start of her shift; and again when she sat down at her station. She would smooth out her long ponytail or straighten her jacket or skirt. She tried to be discreet, but he caught every one of her attempts to perfect her appearance.

_He is doing this for him, _Spock thought.

Spock remained calm as he continued to scrutinize her. From time to time she would turn and smile at him. She hadn't said much other than what was required on the bridge. Their conversation, once again, was professional. He hadn't seen Cmdr Jess on the bridge yet as he had other duties in Engineering with Scott. Spock surmised that Uhura's extreme professional demeanor was due to the fact that Jess would return any moment now and may see her interacting with him in a friendly manner. This thought irritated Spock.

The day continued much in this fashion- Spock watching Uhura as he tried to appear aloof and Uhura keeping her distance as she worked her station. Although, uneventful, the shift seemed stressful and the tension between the two palpable. Spock logged his numerous reports and analyses into his console as his mind filled with the words that he would say to Uhura tonight.

He knew that what he was going to do would be difficult for him initially. Perhaps he would even feel a pang of remorse afterward. This was to be expected as he was extremely fond of the lieutenant. He felt confident, however, in his abilities to wisely use his meditative techniques to halt this emotion and prevent it from escalating. He should have done this from the start. He tried, in fact, to do this very thing. She proved a worthy opponent in this battle of wills where romance was concerned; and, as the Captain had stated earlier, it is women who make men do things against their nature. He would acquiesce no more.

When evening came, Nyota found herself tired again. She was aware of Spock watching her every move on the bridge and wondered what had gotten into her Vulcan as of late. He didn't seem angry or jealous, which, she supposed was a good thing. She was tired of playing with him. She wanted to start on something real with this man. Her days with him were numbered and soon he would be gone. She wanted to waste no more time. She wanted to clear the air and tell him how she had wanted him for so long as a lover and not just as a friend. She was ready to let him know that she wanted him—all of him.

She dressed in loose-fitting civilian clothes and tidied up her quarters before heading to the Mess Hall for a bite to eat. She decided that she would stop by Spock's quarters on her way back to prevent him from easily dismissing her. She would stay in his quarters and make him hear her.

She commanded the doors to open and moved to exit when she bumped into Spock standing in her doorway.

_Twice in one week, _she thought. She chuckled as her body recovered from the crash.

Caught unaware, Spock experienced a pleasurable feeling of happiness through their contact. For a fleeting moment, he wanted to indulge in that feeling a little longer, but snapped the link shut before it was too late and he could no longer resist.

After regaining her bearings, she greeted him.

"Good evening, Spock. We've got to stop meeting like this." she was smiling and looked positively radiant. Her shapely frame was swallowed in a loose tunic that ended mid-thigh. She wore slightly baggy pants that were made of a soft, thin material that outlined her legs as her knees bent.

He shut his eyes briefly and cleared his head.

"Greetings, Nyota. Are you required elsewhere?"

Nyota shook her head rapidly. "No, no…come in. I was just about to look for you. Do you have time to spare?"

Spock thought that she seemed cheerful, yet she was going to seek him out. He wondered if perhaps she was looking for him so that she could end their involvement. Maybe she was pleased and relieved that she could finally be with someone who was human and could treat her accordingly. He couldn't deny the stab of pain that this last thought caused. He centered himself once again.

"I have time enough for a discussion that we must have tonight, Nyota. May I please come in?"

Nyota's smile faded and she gestured for him to enter. "Okay, then, "she replied quietly.

_This can't be good._


	8. Chapter 8 Vixen

Once inside, Spock assumed his regular stance. He was still standing in the entryway of her quarters and made no move to go in any further. She had not anticipated this, and stood in front of him awaiting his next move. After some time, Spock spoke first.

"Nyota. I wish to discuss the status of our relationship."

He stared at an area near her chin as he spoke. She did not reply and waited for the rest of it.

"I am uncertain that a continued romantic entanglement is wise at this time." His voice was quiet, almost sad. Almost.

"You understand my commitments aboard this ship and also to those of my people on New Vulcan. "

She nodded.

"I am required to make certain… sacrifices in my time and energy _now_ to fulfill both my obligations to the Captain and to New Vulcan. I am afraid that a romantic entanglement is an indulgence that is proving to be very difficult to ….maintain."

Nyota would be seething right now if she weren't so deeply hurt by his words. She was frozen, unable to speak. Her eyes never left his face.

He continued. "I believe it would be best if we changed the status of our relationship to that of a professional one…only. I …"

"What's this about, Spock?" Her voice was small and barely audible.

" And don't give me that well worn out excuse of duty and obligation. I already know about this." She was starting to regain her voice, now.

He looked at her, surprised at her statement.

"I believe I have already explained-"

"No! You haven't explained anything. It is always the same excuse from you every time. I want to know what is going on."

"I have explained my intentions and the reasons behind them, Nyota. I am no longer able to continue with you in this manner." He was trying to be delicate, but wasn't sure that it was being recognized.

Nyota rubbed her temples with the fingers of both hands as she struggled to find words that would diffuse this shaky situation.

"Spock…after you leave here…neither of us know when you will be back. I don't want to waste this time that is so precious to me…not again. For the past month, I have been trying so hard to bond with—"

"Bonding is not a possibility, Nyota," he said abruptly.

"Yes, I can see that Spock. It isn't possible because you won't let me. You avoid me at every turn and I am tired of waiting for you to pay attention to me."

It was quiet. A long moment passed before Spock replied.

"I see. Then we are in agreement that a romance is an inconvenient endeavor that is best avoided."

He must be trying to piss her off. It was working. She reached deep deep down inside to gather the strength to ignore her rising ire. She took in a deep breath before responding. She spoke in a controlled manner though her voice was shaky.

"Spock. How can I possibly be in agreement with that? I don't know where any of this is coming from. I am asking you to please explain further. I am trying to understand."

"Nyota. I am not best suited for you. I believe that we must both re-evaluate our goals and seek the paths that will best assist in their accomplishment."

"What is that supposed to mean, Spock? This is what I am talking about. I feel that you are being purposely obtuse here."

"I apologize, Nyota, but I must go now."

Before she could stop him, he turned and left.

Nyota just stood there. She couldn't understand what happened just then. She was still reeling from the shock of his words. She felt numb and weak. She was angry and devastated at the same time. She wasn't sure what to do next- wasn't sure what she _wanted_ to do next. Appetite gone, she went into her bedroom and sat on her bed. She was powerless to stop the flow of tears that burst from within and did not yield until well into the night.

Spock moved with a purpose through the corridors. He needed to get to his quarters. He did not expect to feel this way. He was upset, or maybe it was confusion, or anger. He wasn't able to pinpoint this emotion. He longed for his mind to be at rest. He needed to find his center. He did not stop moving until he reached his destination. He entered the privacy protocol into his computer. He did not need distraction tonight. He was not willing to speak to anyone.

It was another week before Cmdr Jess approached her. Things had been going well in his orientation and he would soon be ready to take on some more of the challenging duties on the ship. Before he did so, however, he wanted to take time to acquaint himself with the Communications Officer.

She had been silent in the past few days and he missed the warm smiles that she used to give him. He concerned himself with her well-being and decided that it was time to approach her now while she dined in the Mess Hall alone.

"I knew it," he said to her as he placed his tray down on the table where she was picking at her salad.

Nyota glanced up and gave him a weak smile.

"What do you know, Commander?" she asked softly.

"I always do this to beautiful women" he began to shake his head from side to side.

"I don't understand," she said, taking the bait.

"Well, I disappoint them. I try to be a gentleman, but then I always end up offending them or scaring them away….so-" He looked at her intently. "Which are you?"

"I'm…sorry…what?" she wasn't really up for this type of banter tonight.

"Are you offended or scared….or both?" He smiled his incredible smile. It was contagious and Nyota couldn't help but smile back- in earnest this time.

"Neither. …and that line needs work."

He chuckled as he replied, "Yeah, I know. I was gonna spill my coffee on you by accident and attempt to clean it up with this dinner napkin." He picked up the cloth and made a circular motion in the air with it.

"I'll take the line." She was beginning to come out now. He was pleased. She smiled an even bigger smile than before.

"The smile that stops a beating heart. There it is. Why, I don't think that you can do better than that one." His smile was fading now as he was becoming more serious. His voice was soft as he inquired, "Is everything okay Lieutenant?"

She looked him in the face as she replied, "It's after duty hours. You can call me-"

"Nyota." he interrupted. "Thank you, Nyota, I will." His voice was smooth bordering on sexy. He held his hand out to her. "Paul. Call me Paul."

Nyota shook Paul's hand and turned back to her meal.

To her surprise, conversation came easily with Paul. She wasn't forthcoming at first, forcing him to initiate conversation and only answering his questions with nods or single syllabic responses. For the first time in days, she was able to think momentarily on something other than Spock. She was consumed with grief at their premature breakup. The days spent on the bridge next to him only fueled her anguish. She longed for the end of her shifts and dreaded the start of each new day.

He worked for this conversation, though. He constantly kept up discourse about the ship and his perceptions on this person or that protocol. He made sure to ask for her input, though he was careful not to pester her. He was even able to get her to discuss her department at length. He noted to himself how animated she became when she was talking about her work. He felt as if in a daydream. He listened on as she continued to enchant him.

Somewhere behind the couple dining together, Spock entered the Mess Hall. When he recognized the back of Nyota's head and that of another man, he stopped abruptly and turned around exiting the premises. He had not expected to see her with company . The few times he had spotted her in the Mess Hall, she was alone and reading her PADD or staring down at her meal. He turned around and left abruptly then as well. It was bad enough that they had to be side by side on the bridge all day, but it would be too awkward to see her outside of that setting now that they weren't talking. He returned to his quarters and set up the materials to meditate.

As part of his meditation ritual, he began by recalling the events of this day and any issues that were causing turmoil in his life. Each night since his arrival on the Enterprise, his thoughts during this stage had been dedicated to Nyota and their relationship. She was the sole cause of the emotions that were causing such confusion and discord in his life. Yes, she….and his father.

Tonight, the first meditative stage lasted nearly two hours. He thought extensively on Nyota and his feelings regarding her. He did not think on Sarek.

He wanted his feelings of longing and sadness to disappear. He felt the jealousy of seeing her with Jess creeping to the surface. He wanted desperately to gain control over his emotions. His attempts were futile.

He wanted to be stronger and was irritated at the fact that he was unable to be. He thought again of how he saw Jess and Nyota together. Their body language suggested that they were talking about something intimate. They sat closely to one another and he doubted that she was feeling any of the sorrow and misery that _he_ was forced to endure. How had he let this happen to himself? He was once a proud Vulcan, capable in every way. He had direction and a solid career path. His infatuation in her started when she was a student. She had attempted seduction and he was weak to resist the implications of her actions ever since. She had made him dream of her as he slumbered. She made him stammer, made him lose control of himself at times in public. She made him hunger for her. Why did she not adhere to Starfleet's regulations? Why did she insist on making herself a target for his affections?

She was a vixen- a siren; and he was….unsuspecting. He thought of how the Captain confirmed this fact stating the truth about women. They did things—that _made _men crazy.

And he too, was a victim. Spock's mind did not evolve sufficiently to enter the next stage in his meditation. He ended the session and came away from it feeling very unsettled. More accurately, he was …angry.

He set about the business of sleep, but found that it would not come. Instead, he lay in bed looking into the darkness and thinking of Nyota. Her scent, her touch….He simply couldn't help himself.


	9. Chapter 9 Dates

Nyota kept her free time busy with mundane things. She thought of Spock often. The worst times for her were when she would see him. And she did see him every day, albeit for brief moments. The days at work were tolerable as a result of this. At work, she was focused and had the benefit of Cmdr. Jess's company and the company of the other men on the bridge. Jess made certain that she didn't have idle time to linger on whatever was causing her to be so sullen.

She didn't know what she would do without Sulu and Chekov. They made this time bearable with their outrages banter and silly jokes. She found herself smiling more often during her work shifts now. Spock was mostly off bridge as Jess assumed more of his responsibilities.

The night, however, was a completely different story. Nyota did nothing but cry and feel sorry for herself as she struggled to come out of this depression. She had known Spock for a long time now. She met him as a freshman at the Academy and maintained constant contact with him since. She couldn't imagine him being gone. But then again, she couldn't imagine him remaining here either.

His presence, alone would torment her. That, coupled with the fact that he did not want her, was too much to bear. Sleep would not allow respite as she dreamed of him often on the nights that sleep did come—and always after a night of heavy crying.

On the bridge, Sulu was joking with Chekov. Each man possessed many skills and interest outside of Starfleet, including a shared love and extensive knowledge of popular music that spanned hundreds of years. They often enjoyed quizzing one another on various songs and artists- each one trying to outdo the other. They had also taken to speaking to one another in song lyrics. One would fit in the lyrics of a song that fit the context of their conversation and the other would continue the conversation with lyrics from the same song. It was terribly amusing…at first. The bridge was often filled with this sort of dialogue especially when things were slow and boredom had long settled in.

Uhura took her mess break at the same time Cmdr Jess did and they often spent it together in the Mess Hall. They talked often on a variety of subjects and Nyota was grateful for the temporary distraction that was his company. After several days of shared meals during their shifts, they began to run into each other in the Mess Hall in the evenings as well. Though this was not planned, she was always happy to see him. Pretty soon, it was apparent by all that he had a thing for her. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her and he wasn't really that interested in being discrete about it either. Many of the crew figured that he probably didn't know about Spock or else he'd be more circumspect in his admiration for the lieutenant. He was lucky, too, that Spock was often elsewhere when he was together with Uhura. That was, until today.

Spock was entering the Mess Hall with Scott when he saw Uhura and Jess at a nearby table. He attempted to appear unaware, but he couldn't resist glancing in their direction from time to time. He procured his meal and followed Scott to a table. He winced inwardly when he saw where the Chief Engineer was setting down his tray. It was only two tables away from Uhura's table and in her line of sight. He considered turning around and exiting as he had done numerous times in the past, but thought better of it as it was, decidedly too late and she had seen him. With great reluctance, Spock settled down across from Scotty who seemed oblivious to his poor choice of seating assignment. He began to talk engines.

Uhura almost dropped her fork when she looked up and noticed Spock behind Scotty. He was lying his tray down on the table that was only a few feet right in front of her. Her stomach started to flutter inside and she felt her palms getting moist. She was nervous. Her posture stiffened and her speech became more formal as she responded to Jess in conversation. If he was puzzled by the change in the lieutenant's behavior, he did not show it. He simply continued on as if all was well. She was glad about this. Just then, Sulu and Chekov came bounding down the aisle chattering and laughing jovially. They paused briefly and looked around before deciding to join Nyota and Jess at their table. They had not noticed Spock and Scotty nearby. Not yet.

They settled into their chairs and prepped the food on their trays. Soon, Cmdr. Jess excused himself to retrieve dessert. Before departing, he asked the officers at his table if he could bring anything back for them. When they declined, he turned and headed for the dessert bar.

All three watched as Spock rose from his table and followed Cmdr. Jess to the front of the large room. Nyota suddenly felt very warm. Uncertain of what she should do, she started to consume her lunch with gusto.

Ahead, Spock and Jess were talking off to the side where they would not be heard or interrupted. No one could tell the nature of the conversation as their backs were partially turned toward the seating area of the room.

Sulu leaned in close to Uhura. Without taking his eyes off of Spock and Jess, he spoke:

"Jess is a friend. Yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine. But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define. Jess has got himself a girl and I want to make her mine."

Uhura paused in mid chew and closed her eyes in annoyance. Without cracking so much as a smile, Chekov added:

"…And she's watching him with those eyes." His accent was destroying the song and she was glad that he wasn't singing it. He darted his glances back and forth between Uhura and the two men engaged in serious conversation. He continued his butchery of the late Rick Springfield song.

"…And she's loving him with that body—I just know it." He shook his head slowly from side to side in mock disbelief.

Sulu threw his hands up in the air in mock exasperation. "Yeah, and he's holding her in his arms late, late at night"

Uhura sighed heavily and _not _in mock irritation. She was annoyed.

They continued anyway with the next part of the song, which was obviously the refrain. They didn't speak it, however, but sang it together instead. It sounded horrible. "You know, I wish that I had Jessie's girl…I wish that I had Jessie's girl...Where can I find a woman like that…."

Sulu was about to move into the next line of the song when he felt something very hard strike him in the shin. He withdrew his leg and let out a yelp. Uhura grabbed him by the shirt as discreetly as she could and whispered.

"I will cut you in your sleep."

Ahead, Spock and Jess heard the commotion at the table. It sounded like someone was singing and badly. They hadn't paid it much attention, but they did turn in time to see Uhura saying something to Sulu. It looked like he was hunched down low like she might have been showing him something on the floor beneath the table.

They continued their conversation.

Later, before the end of their shifts, Jess asked Nyota if she wanted to attend the first social function on the ship with him tonight. It was a welcoming party for him. He had made sure to preface his question with the fact that he wanted nothing more than a friendly, lovely lady on his arm and that he was in no way interested in anything more. He sounded convincing and Nyota didn't see the harm in it. In fact, this would be the perfect distraction to her usual evening routine of crying and pining. She thought about Spock and decided that the likelihood of him being there was small as he was usually able to find a great excuse to get out of things like this and he didn't enjoy these types of social gatherings, anyway. She agreed and he told her that he would swing by to pick her up at 1900 hours.

At the same exact time, on the same exact ship, a similar discussion was taking place in the Captain's Ready Room. Well, sort of….

Spock was standing with his arms behind his back and listening to the Captain as he informed him of the social event that was being held later on that evening. It was mandatory and each officer on the bridge must have a good time. Spock thought that the latter was a bit ridiculous and knew that he would do no such thing.

"C'mon Spock. It won't be that bad. You know how these things go. Just show up for like thirty minutes until I'm done with the speeches and you can go. Simple as that." Kirk walked toward the exit, and paused before moving through the door.

"Oh, yeah and make sure that you bring a date. It'll do you some good, anyway." And with that he was out the door.

Spock stood thinking about the evening to come. He was certain that Nyota would be in attendance as it would be mandatory for her to be there. He wondered if she would be alone. He surmised that the likelihood of her coming alone was slim- more like none. Someone would definitely ask her…and he was fairly certain who.

Spock had some final details to tend to in Medical Bay before being dismissed from duty. He stood in the corridor waiting for the lift when Nurse Chapel came by to stand next to him. She smiled at him in greeting.

"Greetings, Nurse Chapel" said Spock nodding at her.

"Good evening, Mr. Spock."

A moment passed before she continued. "Heading toward your quarters?"

The lift stopped and they stepped in.

"No, Nurse. I am needed in Medical Bay to recalibrate some of Dr. McCoy's instruments that arrived from Starbase 11."

"Oh, it is a pleasant coincidence that I am on my way there as well. I have some sick patients that I need to check up on. We can ride together."

She was too happy with this fortunate happenstance. She was smitten with the Vulcan since she first met him at the Academy where she was a student interning with the experienced Dr. McCoy. She had one date with Spock long ago. She considered it a date, although Spock may think differently. He was chosen to speak on a scientific topic regarding medical advances on Vulcan at a symposium years ago and had needed an assistant to accompany him. It was not a romantic gesture on Spock's part; and as a matter of fact, he didn't even have anything to do with it. She was assigned to him for the purpose of assisting him in his talks by one of the top researchers working at the Academy under a teaching capacity. That did not, however, stop her from viewing him as a potential suitor. She was always patient with Spock in the past, and saw her second opportunity at romance unfolding in front of her now.

While they rode to Medical, she worked up the nerve to ask him.

"Mr. Spock, I was wondering if you had a date to accompany you to Cmdr. Jess's welcoming party this evening."

Spock stiffened as he prepared himself mentally for what she was alluding to next.

"No. I do not. I will not be staying long, and therefore do not see the reason for one."

"Well, Mr. Spock- you are aware that it is the first social event aboard the Enterprise, are you not?"

"Yes, Nurse, I have been informed. It does not change my intentions for the evening, however."

Chapel looked down at her feet.

"That's a shame as I have heard that it will be quite entertaining. Also all of the lovely ladies will be in attendance. I believe Rand, Kelsey, and…Uhura will be there…..with their dates, of course."

Spock craned his neck slightly and shifted his stance at the mention of Uhura. The lift doors were opening now and she moved to step out. Spock followed behind her.

"What's also a shame is that you and I will probably be the only two without dates this evening. How odd that would look, don't you agree, Commander?"

She looked at him now, a smile forming across her face. She saw that he was in contemplative thought and her chances of victory were increasing by the second.

"Nurse Chapel, Perhaps you would like to accompany me this evening? I cannot promise that I will be in attendance for the duration of the event, but I will remain for a sufficient amount of time for you to be entertained adequately."

That was the best that she was going to get. With a nod and another smile, she gladly accepted. Once in Sick Bay, they decided on a meeting time and parted ways.

Dr. McCoy was nowhere to be found.


	10. Chapter 10 I'll Take That

Dr. McCoy was sitting in his quarters when he remembered that he was supposed to meet with Spock in Medical Bay. He contacted Spock on his com badge to postpone the repairs. Spock was willing to dismiss the doctor's oversight which surprised McCoy. Spock usually made comments that sparked his irritation and this was a model opportunity for chastisement. McCoy figured that Nurse Chapel had gotten a hold of him. He recalled the conversation that he had with her earlier.

Chapel was assisting McCoy in the administration of a vaccination. She was logging her nurse's notes into her PADD while the doctor spoke with his patient. He had asked Chapel a question and when he didn't receive an answer, turned to look at his nurse.

"Is there a problem, Nurse?" he inquired.

She was preoccupied with something at present. She didn't seem to be reading from her PADD, just holding it in her hands and staring blankly at it.

He tried again, "Nurse Chapel."

She snapped out of her thoughts and looked at McCoy.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking about tonight," she said quietly.

"Ah…Who are you going with?"

"Well, Dr. McCoy, that's just it….I don't have a date," she said slightly embarrassed.

"Nonsense. Why don't you ask Spock?"

He smiled widely after saying this. He knew that she had a crush on Spock. She had gone on and on about him enough in the past few years to McCoy and the other nurses. She had asked McCoy questions about him from time to time as if he would know any more than she did about the stubborn Vulcan. He decided that she just needed a little encouragement.

Since finding out about his involvement with Uhura, the doctor had started to encourage Chapel to approach him. He didn't approve of the officers' relationship. He felt that romantic relationships among bridge personnel were inappropriate and the likelihood of such a thing interfering with work was too great to be ignored. Truth be told, he didn't feel that Spock was right for Uhura; and he didn't want to have to play relationship counselor should one of them become heartbroken.

Chapel began to blush at the mention of Spock. She knew that everyone in her department was aware of her admiration of him. She hadn't really done a great job in concealing it. She had been thinking about making a move on Spock since the start of the rumors of his breakup with Uhura. She knew that her chances of a love relationship were next to zero as he would soon be leaving for New Vulcan, but a sexual relationship could definitely form. ….If she just had the opportunity.

Spock sat centering his mind before attempting to enter into meditation. He had already slowed his breathing and was now evoking images of Nyota. He knew that he would have to do this first before attending the night's festivities. He would not be able to conduct himself in a true Vulcan manner if he did not confront the problems of his heart.

He imagined Nyota with Jess at the party together. He wanted his mind to become familiar with this picture. He wanted to deal with the emotions that would result. He needed to deal with them here and now—not out there in public where he could be observed. He was able to manage the emotions that resulted from this image. He was feeling more confident. Spock next produced an image of them dancing and laughing together. This, too, was manageable. But when he had gotten to the scenarios of Nyota and Jess kissing in an embrace, he stirred. Inside, his heart began to beat faster and his slow breathing was now quickening with each second.

He did not wish to upset himself, but knew that it was necessary. In the past, he was always unable to move beyond this point. He would end his meditation here. Tonight, however, the possibility of seeing this very scene unfold was more likely and he needed to be able to handle it. He pressed on.

Nyota once again nodded her appreciation for her God given form in her full-length mirror. She picked out a dress that she didn't have a chance to wear yet. It was a dress that belonged to her former roommate, Gaila. Nyota had agreed to wear the dress at Gaila's insistence to an Academy sponsored gala that was planned near graduation. Nero had put a stop to everything, however, and now Nyota would never be able to return the dress to her beloved friend.

Nyota fought back tears that stung in her eyes as she donned the garment. The memory of her old roommate and best friend had made her nostalgic and she took a long moment to grieve for her.

At 1900 hours, Paul arrived. When he saw her, his jaw dropped. He made no attempt to hide his reaction to her. She smiled at him and grabbed his arm, hooking hers around it. She led him toward the lift. He didn't speak until the lift was nearing their destination.

"I can't believe _this_…is all for me," he spoke softly.

Nyota smiled, replying, "You're the guest of honor, Commander."

He turned toward her then, suddenly serious.

"No, I mean_….you_. You..are….breathtaking"

"Yes, I am," she said jokingly. He couldn't help but smile.

When they arrived at the banquet hall, they were accosted by several of the crew members. Many of them shook Jess's hand, officially welcoming him to the Enterprise. Amid all the activity, Nyota gestured to him letting him know that she would be at the bar getting their drinks. Some of the more decorated officers had arrived from the nearby Starbase via shuttle to attend. They began to engage him in conversation.

At the bar, Nyota waited patiently for the bartender to prepare her order. She was talking with another female officer when she saw Spock and Chapel enter the hall together. There was no question that they were a couple tonight as Chapel had her arm wrapped around Spock's as he escorted her in. Nyota couldn't believe what she was seeing and had to do a double take.

Christine (Chapel) was dressed in a long evening gown. It was simple, but elegant. The soft blue hue of the fabric suited her as it accentuated her blond hair which was styled in an updo. Nyota had to give her credit for her color selection. It worked on her. Her shoes, on the other hand, were a different story. She had worn tall heels, which made her already tall and lanky body tower slightly over Spock. Nyota thought that this fashion faux pas made her look more masculine than feminine. But, she didn't want to dwell anymore on _her._

Spock was incredibly handsome. He was always so handsome to her, but tonight he was drop dead gorgeous. He wore his formal officer's uniform. It was black and decorated in the braided cords that represented his accomplishments in Starfleet. Her heart skipped a beat as she took in the sight of him. Realizing that she was staring at them now, she whipped around and grabbed her drinks on the counter in front of her.

When she reached Jess, he was listening to an Admiral giving advice on how to advance quickly in Starfleet. He was listening intently, but she knew that he wasn't the least bit interested. She paused to observe him longer. She noted how he possessed the ability to put people at ease. He was able to make anyone he was speaking with feel like they were important and that their opinion mattered. She thought that he would make a great politician someday. She decided to rescue him and interrupted by handing him a glass full of a dark liqueur.

"Excuse, me Admiral. I believe that the Captain will be making his announcements soon." She smiled at the admiral as she took Jess's arm.

As they walked toward the front of the room, Jess whispered a thank you into her ear.

The Captain was standing at a podium on a staged area near the front. He was busy with another officer and they were both looking over the items on a PADD and engaged in a discussion. The crowd began to slowly assemble toward them.

Her last visual check revealed Spock and Christine standing together on the far opposite end of the room. She was saying something to Jess when she looked up and saw Christine just a few feet away from her coming toward her. She was pulling Spock behind her –by the hand!

Nyota was shocked. In the past, she wouldn't dare hold Spock's hand like that in public. She couldn't believe that he was allowing her to do such a thing. She wasn't sure how to feel about this. A part of her was shocked and a larger part of her was jealous. The idea that Chapel was able to get this privilege that was never once extended to her was galling.

Nyota needed another drink.

Nyota spied a waitress that was working the room and held up her hand to summon her. She handed the waitress an empty glass in exchange for a full one and turned to stand closer to her date. She noticed that he barely touched his drink. She quickly downed the one she was holding and held her empty hand out to take the glass in his hand. While she waited for the waitress to retrieve her glasses, she drank his too.

Nyota didn't know how an hour had passed so quickly. She tried to remember the Captain's speech, but couldn't at the moment. She was sitting at a table with Chekov and Sulu laughing hysterically at some very stupid thing that they said. She didn't have any more to drink that night. She was already loose now and she felt fantastic. She felt as if she didn't have a worry in the world. She definitely had her wits about her, but felt more relaxed now.

The second half of the evening consisted of music, dancing, and mingling. Spock looked more than ready to go and Christine kept up the Vulcan's girlfriend act. Nyota didn't give a damn about them. At least, she didn't appear to give a damn about them. She knew that Spock had been eyeing her all night and that was enough to allay her worries about Christine. She knew that he was probably doing Chapel a favor by being her date. She, on the other hand, was determined to let Nyota know that he was hers tonight.

_Whatever._

As the evening progressed, Nyota stepped out of the banquet hall and into the corridor. It was empty as everyone was inside having a good time and drinking or already drunk. She sat down to catch a little break. Jess came out to see her.

She was sitting alone on a bench when he approached her. She gave him a tired smile.

"Want to be alone?" he asked gesturing at the bench.

Nyota patted the empty space beside her and said, "No. It's okay. Sit"

There was a moment of silence as they both stared down the cool corridor. It was dimly lit and lined with several plants of varying heights. The ceiling was peppered with tiny specks of light that were supposed to give the illusion of a starry night.

He shook his head. "Well, it's not quite like a romantic stroll in the moonlight, but ….I guess it's more the company that matters."

Nyota didn't say anything. She just smiled at his comment.

He turned to her and was, once again, suddenly serious.

"Nyota. Thank you for being my friend."

She turned to look at him. She furrowed her brow in confusion, not really knowing what to make of his statement.

"I know that you are going through a tough time right now. I want to tell you the truth. I always want to be honest with you." He was looking into her eyes.

"Spock told me that it wasn't a good idea to get romantically involved with …."

"Wait. _Spock_ told you-?" Nyota couldn't keep the anger out of her voice.

"I'm not an idiot." He said softly as he grabbed her hand giving it a squeeze.

He continued. "—But this isn't about Spock"

_Oh, but it is, _she thought.

"I lied when I said that I wasn't interested in anything more…..but…wait…." He could see her starting to interject, but cut her off to finish his confession.

"I want you. I think you know. I know that you won't go there with me because you're still getting over Spock."

She sighed heavily now. She didn't want to do this and she wished that he hadn't sprung this on her tonight. He was right about her knowing how he felt about her, but she wasn't ready to confront this yet. She was dealing with other issues right now. She closed her eyes.

"I used you. I used you so many times to help me." Her admission made her want to cry. She was feeling emotional now and couldn't understand why. She looked directly at him.

He put his hand around the back of her neck, pulling her toward him and whispered close to her lips.

"I know. I don't want you to stop. I don't care if you can't love me. I don't care if you pine for another…..I don't care if my heart gets broken….Just let me… be near you. I'll take that."

He moved the last few millimeters to kiss her on the lips. At the last moment, Nyota turned her head causing him to miss her completely. He surged forward and after realizing what she had done, froze in place to mentally recover from the rejection. She reached her arms up and hugged him like a long lost friend. She buried her face in his shoulder and he lightly kissed her temple.

She didn't know how long they had stayed like this. She didn't care. She didn't care who saw them or what everyone would be gossiping about in the morning. She had needed this touch for a long time. She missed it. In the back of her mind, she realized that she was using him…again.

When the end of the evening came, she thanked him. They did not kiss or touch. They said their goodbyes and parted .

In her room, Nyota sat on her bed sorting out the events of the night. She was still dressed in her gown. She removed her high heels and placed them in her closet. She was so tired. She thanked God that tomorrow was a day off. She would spend it in bed recovering.

Spock saw Nyota leave the hall alone. He wondered how it would seem if he followed suit, to ensure that she was okay. He noticed that she had a few drinks this evening and perhaps she needed assistance. He would only be doing the responsible thing by asking. He moved toward the exit, when Chapel came charging toward him. He stopped abruptly as she spoke loudly at him.

More than a little embarrassed, he complied with her wish to meet some old friend of hers who is visiting for the evening. For the second time today she grabbed his hand and tugged him in the opposite direction that he was initially traveling. He stopped short of the table where her friend was waiting and yanked her by the arm. As discreetly as possible, he dislodged her hand from his.

He began to speak to her when she said, "Oh…right. I know, I know. No hand holding. Sorry Spock. I keep forgetting that you're not human."

"Indeed," was all he could say.

He was more than annoyed with this female tonight. He wanted to leave hours ago, but she found ways to occupy herself that made that impossible. He wanted nothing more than to check on Nyota. He wanted to see her very much. After speaking with Spock, Chapel got the hint and knew not to push it with him. She left him alone to talk with her friend. Spock headed toward the exit opposite the room. It was not the same exit that Nyota had used, but two short corridors would take him directly to the hall in front of the main entrance where he was certain she was waiting.


	11. Chapter 11 Smell

Before he could see her, he knew that she wasn't alone. He heard voices speaking in hushed tones although he could not make out their words. Disappointed, he turned to go back the way he came. He stopped suddenly and changed his mind. He gave into his curiosity and jealousy. He needed to know exactly what was unfolding around the corner.

The security mirror hanging in the corner of the corridor on the ceiling proved to be most useful to Spock. He looked up into it to see what was happening. He wanted to remain undetected.

In the mirror he witnessed the image that he worked so hard earlier in his room to clear from his mind. Jess was sitting very close to Nyota and was kissing her. She had wrapped her arms around him in a deep embrace. He kissed her tenderly on her temple. Quickly, Spock jerked his head around to ensure that no one was approaching. The rage and raw jealousy threatened to consume him whole. He felt panicked. He couldn't seem to control his hands as they flexed and closed into fists repeatedly. He wanted to destroy the other man.

In a flash, Spock was down the corridor heading for the lift. They had not seen or heard him moving as he moved swiftly through the halls. When he reached his quarters and the doors slid closed behind him, he fought the urge to drive his fist through the wall.

He took deep breaths to calm himself. His current state of being would not allow meditation to be effective. He was livid. He forced himself to stand still in the middle of his sitting room. He stood unmoving this way for nearly an hour.

When he was able to form some semblance of control, he exited his quarters once again. He forced himself to slow his pace as he moved toward his destination. He was successful in this exercise of self control. By the time he was standing in front of her door, he was seemingly calm as he announced his arrival.

Nyota was about to undress when she heard her door chime. She contemplated letting it ring and leaving it unanswered, but had thought better of it. Tired, she dragged herself to her door and awaited her visitor.

Without invitation or hesitation, Spock marched into her quarters. He stood directly in front of Nyota and without giving her a chance to speak her surprise, began to bombard her with questions.

"Why do you prefer Commander Jess over me?" His voice was controlled, yet demanding - the words coming out in rapid succession.

Without waiting for her to answer he threw out the next question.

"Why have you decided to pursue a physical relationship with him and not with me?"

He continued with one inquiry after the other in this fashion.

"Why do you speak with him and not with me?"

"Why do you share your meals with him and not with me?"

"Why do you spend your evenings with him and not with me?"

"**Why do you prefer him over me?"**

When he finished, he was breathing heavily as if he had been physically exerting himself. Nyota glared at him. She was angry. How dare he come in here and confront her like this? Where had he been all those days before? Wasn't he the one who wanted to terminate things between them? And, Chapel? What was she all about? She worked to calm herself down.

They both stood there silent, unmoving. His eyes held her stare. Nyota's face was set with anger, her mouth slightly pursed. After a tense moment that seemed to stretch into eternity, Spock caved. He averted his gaze, affixing it to a point somewhere over her shoulder.

Regaining what was left of his composure, Spock spoke again.

"Do you ….prefer…him?" He said the words slowly as if speaking to a small child. He still wouldn't look at her.

Nyota sighed, her face easing only slightly. She pinched the bridge of her nose with two fingers and put her other hand on her hip.

"Look, Spock. I'm very tired. I just don't have the energy for-''

"Do. You. Prefer. Him."

His voice was demanding and the four words came out in punctuated staccato fashion.

Nyota slammed both hands on her hips. She raised one eyebrow at him.

_Male ego...This is getting really old, _she thought. Nyota thought of all that Vulcan control. It was time to put him through the paces

She answered with one word. "Yes."

She let the word hang in the silence. Spock jerked his head to face her. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped ever so slightly though he kept his mouth closed. He was dumbfounded. He had, of course, known the probability of this being her answer. Yet he couldn't believe what he was hearing. His chest started to heave and his breathing became audible. He feared losing control. Most of all, he feared losing Nyota.

He was too emotional. He needed to leave. He would deal with things later, but right now he needed solitude. He turned abruptly toward the door.

Nyota observed him carefully as she saw the sequence of emotions play out in his face. Disbelief, confusion, anger, and hurt. She took no pleasure in seeing him like this. She suddenly felt sorry for affecting him so. She had answered his query only partially. She scrambled with her words now to explain herself.

"I prefer …_only_…..his honesty and the way he asks me for clarification before making assumptions. I prefer _only _that."

When she spoke, Spock paused standing with his back to her. He was not comforted by her words, but he was unable to leave. He turned around.

"Am I not honest?" he asked his voice devoid of any emotion.

"I don't know, Spock. I often ask you for clarification, yet you are vague and obtuse at times. What are you hiding from me?"

"I do not lie, Nyota. I have told all there is to tell. There ….."

"No! You haven't, Spock. Don't stand there and tell me that. You don't trust me enough. That's what it is." She closed her eyes and shook her head. Her voice was calmer. "I'm sorry, but I can't accept someone who…."

"..is not human? ….cannot return your emotions?..." he interrupted angrily.

Nyota was growing weary of this.

"…someone who doesn't trust ….or…want me." she corrected him.

Spock wouldn't back down. He hurled more angry questions at her.

"And he trusts you?"

"Yes"

"You trust him"

"Yes."

"He wants you."

She hesitated. He repeated himself.

"He wants you?" he demanded.

Nyota sighed and looked away. "Yes."

Spock waited a long time before uttering his final query.

"You want him"

Another moment. Spock moved to turn from her…

"No! " she said loud and clear. "I do not."

Relief washed through Spock cleansing away the rage that was well on its way to erupting.

"What do you want from me, Spock? You tell me that you don't want me; you avoid me at every turn; you flaunt another woman in front of my face; then you barge in here and demand that I tell you the nature of my relationship… with my _friend__."_

Spock looked at her. He agreed with most of the things she said. Except for one…

"I did change the status of our relationship. I did not _avoid_ you, as I was dutifully engaged in Starfleet operations which occupied the bulk of my time both during and after duty hours. Also, I have been formulating the necessary documents and treaties in preparation for the upcoming diplomatic conferences taking place on New Vulcan upon my arrival thereto."

He paused.

_To catch his breath, no doubt . _Nyota patiently waited.

"I apologize for my …..hasty entrance earlier this evening." He didn't mention his irrational interrogation.

"I never…._flaunted _anyone in front of you. I assume that you are speaking of Christine?"

Nyota's eyebrows rose. "Oh….it's _Christine_, now is it? Yes, Spock, _her_- unless there are other women that you have been taking to galas lately."

Spock ignored the latter sarcastic remark.

"She is a mistake," he said truthfully.

"Well," Nyota wouldn't relent. "I can smell your _mistake _on you."

And with that, she turned to head back to bed. She was done here. She was already several steps away when he announced…

"And I can smell yours on you."

Nyota stopped and whirled around. She stood there contemplating something at first before taking slow strides back toward Spock. She stopped less than a foot away from him. Without saying a word and without taking her eyes off of his face, she reached her hand up to the single dress strap that crossed her chest and over her shoulder. She unhooked it with one flick of her fingers. She continued to free the dress from the exotic curves of her body. She wore no bra and undressed casually as if she were performing her nightly bedtime routine.

Her dress was lying around her ankles in a pool by her feet. In one move, she hooked her thumbs under the band of her silk panties and slid them all the way down her legs. Stepping out of the circle of fabric, she cocked her head at Spock in curiosity.

He just stood there. He didn't speak. He didn't blink. He didn't even breathe.

Nyota turned on her heel and walked into her bedroom.

Spock was unsure of what to do . He had been in a similar situation with her before, but this one proved tricky in that her body did not indicate her desire for him. He was caught completely off guard by her actions. Perhaps, he simply did not have time to notice.

He was ….uncertain.

He didn't tarry long, however, and followed quickly behind her.

He found that Nyota was not in her bedroom, but in the bathroom. He could hear the water hitting the floor of the shower and could see the steam escaping from the room. Spock reasoned that the door wouldn't be open if she did not intend for him to join her. He began to take off his uniform.

Spock entered the bathroom and stood just outside of the shower door. Through the steam covered glass, he could see her form. She was standing under the falling water- her body forming the shape of a T as she held onto the walls on either side of her. He could not see much more detail than this and he very much wanted to. He waited outside of the stall for a decent amount of time. He wanted her to know that he was there and give her a chance to speak her objections to his presence should he be mistaken about his course of action.

He _should_ wait for her invitation. And he did….until he couldn't wait any longer.

Spock stepped inside the stall. Nyota's back was facing him. It was slick with water and he watched as a large mass of suds slid slowly down, resting at the apex of her perfectly formed rear.

Spock was more than ready for her. His body throbbed in anticipation and he could think of nothing but her. She worked a sudsy sponge underneath and up each arm slowly but thoroughly making several passes over her skin. She washed under her chin moving it up and down her graceful neck. When she turned, Spock could barely catch his breath as he fastened his eyes to the pair of perfect full breasts that glistened before him. He did not think that he could control himself for much longer. He summoned all the restraint he had from deep inside to help him wait until the perfect time to engage her.

Nyota busied herself with the task of cleansing her body. She moved about casually, even though she was fully aware of Spock's presence directly behind her. She turned around to rinse her back. Before her, stood Spock. All of Spock…in all his glory. In all the nights that she had fantasized and dreamed about him, she could never have imagined that he would be like this. He was even more perfect underneath his clothing .

Seeing him dressed, one could guess that this man was built for speed and strength- a difficult combination. However, one would have to see underneath to fully appreciate his well-formed, heavily veined arms that hung from broad shoulders; or the muscular chest displaying his solid pec muscles -a result of years of self-disciplined structure to diet and exercise.

Nyota was momentarily mesmerized as she admired more of his body.

He had a small amount of chest hair that was as black and slick as the hair on his head. And his torso…. It was… flawless. Two even ridges of chiseled ab muscles ran down his torso in a V shape that tapered to his groin. She loved how he was muscular, without being bulky. He was svelte, but solid. She believed that he was, perhaps .…near perfect.

When her eyes traveled lower still, she was no longer uncertain as to the perfection of his body. Nyota had seen pictures of 'perfect' male models in pornographic magazines (her roommate had been Orion) but none of them could have prepared her for the sight that stood in full upright attention in front of her now. She could not tear her eyes away from it. She began to think of the implications of such a tool. It was sizeable. No, it was… damned enormous. She was petite. Would this be a problem?

_What are you doing, girl! We are not going there…..not going there….totally not going there._

She closed her eyes briefly, snapping herself out of these thoughts. Spock's eyes were trained on her chest and she was grateful that he was distracted. She brought the sponge up to one side of her chest and ran it along the underside of her breast. She made circular motions with the sponge leaving heaps of white suds in its wake. She continued to do the same with the other side. Moving her hand lower to her abdomen, she passed over her navel and down to the triangular shaped mound of dark hair between her thighs.

Spock couldn't comprehend how any man would be able to endure this torture. He thought that if he were a fully human male, he would surely have died from a heart failure of some sort, right about now.

This was testing the limits of his control—pushing it to new, unexplored heights. He had been with other women, of course, but they never roused him to this degree. He had never wanted anything more in his life than access to the woman before him. His body was screaming for her attentions now. Between his legs, he ached so severely, as he stretched even further toward her. Inside, he was begging, begging for her to signal to him that she was ready.

Nyota rinsed the last of the soap remaining on her body. Satisfied, she moved toward Spock. He shivered in anticipation. He was standing right in front of the door of the shower and she was unable to access it without moving against him. She paused for a moment; and when he did not step out of her way, she inadvertently rubbed her nude body against him and exited the stall.

The feel of her body against his nearly made him climax. It was brief and Spock was certain that she was giving herself to him then. When she left him standing unfulfilled in the shower, he was once again dumbfounded.

_It is a game, perhaps._

He followed suit and entered her bedroom behind her. Nyota had a towel draped around her body. Her long hair was wet and spiraled in loose coils around her face. She was exquisite.

She grabbed another towel from a nearby drawer and began to dry her hair with it. Spock was a mass of confusion as he waited for her. When she finished, she walked out into the main room of her quarters and retrieved the clothing that had been discarded on the floor. She returned to find Spock in the same position, standing and at attention. After gathering his belongings, she threw his bunched up clothing in a pile in front of his feet. She turned around and donned her nightgown.

When she was dressed again, she walked up to Spock and spoke for the first time since their discussion in the entryway.

"I trust that I no longer smell, Commander."

Spock had no reply. He didn't know what to say or do. Perhaps, he would _not_ be engaging in any activity with Nyota tonight. His suspicions were confirmed when she pulled her duvet and sheet down and slid her body into bed.

Spock dressed quickly and hurried to his quarters.


	12. Chapter 12 Bedroom

Nyota got back out of bed to finish her nightly routine. When she saw Spock race out of her bedroom, she felt an immense pang of guilt and regret for what she had put him through. She recalled the way his face registered confusion and disappointment when he realized that she had tricked him; and she felt as if she wanted to cry. She had gone too far.

He made her so angry that her need to assert herself was too strong to ignore. Any chance at any type of relationship with the Vulcan was blown now. He would avoid her from now on.

The thought of Spock deliberately ignoring her out of spite was more than she could handle. Tears began to form in her eyes, blurring the image of the room around her. With the weighty burden of regret in her heart, she tucked her body back into bed and commanded the computer to extinguish the light. She lay awake, staring into the darkness.

Nyota was suddenly shaken out of her despair when she heard the door summon her. The night refused to end. She climbed out of bed and answered it.

Stunned, Nyota could find no words to say as Spock reached out and grabbed her hand. He wore the regulation lounging t-shirt and sweat pant. He stood in bare feet.

His eyes were hopeful and wanting, his touch-gentle. A sob threatened to escape from her chest. She took in a deep breath and lowered her head in silent apology.

Spock stepped closer to her, and without waiting for the doors to close behind him, seized Nyota's lips in a fierce kiss. It was unlike any other that they had shared. The introduction of his tongue immediately into her mouth set her ablaze; and inside, her body reacted violently to this touch. Her nipples started to tingle, her skin pricked with small bumps and she began to throb between her legs.

Without breaking their kiss, he set his hands to the task of giving him access to the flesh beneath her gown. Earlier, he had seen what pleasures awaited him underneath and Nyota moaned shamelessly in anticipation. Her gown was bunched high around her waist as hot hands desperately moved behind her thighs, then up their sides, and in between. He was moving quickly, pulling at her body with desperate hands. She wanted him to slow down and savor her, for a while, anyway.

She pulled away from him. He reluctantly let her go. They moved apart.

His heavy breathing began to slow and when he spoke, his voice was raspy and low.

"I could not stay away." He looked at her guaging her response and desperately wanting her to continue their foreplay.

Nyota pulled her gown back down. She felt silly standing there with her bottom half exposed. She looked solemnly at him.

"I'm glad you came back" she said, her voice almost a whisper.

She moved toward him this time. She hooked her fingers underneath the hem of the bottom of his shirt and started to pull it up. Spock helped her. This time, his movements were not rushed. He kept his eyes trained on her face- her eyes, her lips. She tossed the shirt onto the floor and reached down to unlace the drawstring tied about his waist. Spock waited patiently.

With the band of his pants in her grip, Nyota pulled them slowly down his legs- bending at the knees as she did so. Spock let out a soft sigh when his rigid flesh sprang free from its constraints, bobbing slightly under the heaviness of its own weight.

Nyota reached one hand up and delicately skimmed the tips of her fingers underneath his member. He trembled in response. She was on her knees now and the sight of her like this made Spock mad with desire. She looked up at him with eyes that conveyed purpose and promise. He would not regret his decision to see her again tonight. She brought her other hand up to feel his impressive length careful not to touch him too much. She wanted to savor_ him_ now and she closed her eyes as she did just that. She traced her lips over the pulsating veins that stood out in high relief along the sides of his cock. Spock twitched in anticipation as she moved closer to the most sensitive part of him.

All thoughts escaped the Vulcan, along with his logic and his precious dedication to Surakian teachings. He slowly craned his neck back and from side to side as he endeavored to keep it together.

Nyota began to pepper moist kisses back down him, repeating her movements along the other side. When she again reached his engorged tip, she circled her tongue around it causing Spock to reach one hand down past the top of her head to the back of her neck, grabbing a handful of hair.

She was about to engulf it in her mouth when she felt him gently pull her up to her feet. His eyes were dreamy, half lidded. He spoke her name in a breathless whisper.

Another deep, scorching, tongue-filled kiss awaited her and she moaned repeatedly.

Spock trailed wet open mouthed kisses- half tongue, half teeth down Nyota's neck. He sucked the delicate area of skin below her throat at the junction of her clavicles. He took his time and slowly walked her backward until she felt something cold and hard behind her. In one motion, he grabbed her bottom and effortlessly slid her up higher against the wall. He could feel the moisture of her sex on his fingertips and his body bucked against her in response.

He kissed the tops of her breasts, opening his mouth wide, devouring her over the thin translucent fabric of her gown. He ran his tongue over the area of a raised nipple and suckled deeply, drawing it and a mouthful of her flesh further into his mouth, soaking the fabric completely.

Nyota was more than ready to be fucked. She had been oozing from between her thighs since he'd first kissed her and was growing impatient now. She surged inside when she felt the very tips of his fingers brush against her folds as he lifted her up.

He was suckling her hard and she winced when he lightly nipped her with his teeth. She tugged at her wet gown and managed to pull it up and off of her. Without hesitation, he latched onto her, packing as much of her other breast into his open mouth and flicking his tongue feverishly over her nipple. Nyota grabbed fistfuls of smooth black hair as she arched her back giving him more access to her body.

Eventually, Nyota broke the hold that Spock had on her nipple and brought his face up to hers for another kiss.

"Bedroom," she whispered breathlessly into his mouth.

Spock was content with their current location, but relented when she moved away teasingly as he tried to continue their kiss.

"Bedroom," he confirmed and he reluctantly freed her from his embrace.

Nyota sauntered into her bedroom, her bare ass a hypnotic pendulum that swung from side to side entrancing the Science Officer who followed behind her. She led him by the hand and smiled at the brief thoughts that passed through his touch.

He smirked internally knowing that nothing could interrupt or ruin his evening now. He licked his lips as he calculated the innumerable pleasures that could be had from the body before him. He started with her rock hard backside.

When she reached the bed, she turned around to face him. She seductively placed his fingers to her lips and kissed their tips. She stroked the tip of her tongue against them pushing them deeper into her mouth. He did not permit her to drain him with her mouth earlier, and she wanted to show him a little of what he was missing.

Spock gasped audibly -his mouth slightly gaped. He needed to fuck her. Right now. He withdrew his fingers from her mouth and pushed her body onto the bed with his own. The feel of her skin against his this way was electrifying. Urgency began to overtake him and he placed the length of his cock against the swollen bud between her delicate folds. She was so slick with anticipation and he used her lubricant to smoothly rub his erection up and down against her.

He kissed her deeply as he moved.

Beneath him, Nyota writhed and undulated as he continued to take her to her climax. She moaned as she wriggled, arched her back as she panted, until his quickening movements made her scream her surrender into the darkness.

Spock did not stop his ministrations to her over stimulated nerves. She bucked wildly under him grabbing fistfuls of bedding tightly in both hands. Allowing her to recover, he slowed his movements.

He could wait no longer. He needed to be in her. Without sound or warning, he moved the head of his cock to her slick opening and pushed down hard. It was a long controlled thrust and he felt Nyota gasp into his mouth. Pure bliss washed over him. He stilled and shut his eyes tightly . He would cum soon if he did not gain control now. The sensations that stirred within him were too overwhelming. Soon, he moved within her again.

Nyota felt Spock move inside of her. She wanted more. She had climaxed once and now her cervix was in the optimal position for the most pleasurable intercourse. She winced slightly as he hit the end of her cervix on the down stroke. She wondered before if she could handle him-she was finding out in earnest now. Despite his oversized length and girth, he was able to push all the way into her. Pulling out, he felt the powerful grip of her sex tug at him. Spock endeavored to loosen her hold on his shaft. He moved faster, but did not thrust all the way in. He reserved those deep, forceful stabs for when she would gasp his name or obscenities…or both.

He could no longer refrain from pounding all the way into her. Those thrusts were too good and he could offer no excuse for his weakness except that he was…half human. Adopting a steady rhythm to the bucking of his hips, Spock's mind was out of control. Beast-like grunts emanated from deep within him with every slam into her pliable body. The sounds of the bed frame hitting hard wall blending with the crescendo of Nyota's moaning as she lingered at the height of her orgasm was more than he could take.

He had been ignoring her whimpering pleas to finish but now, finally now, he could. With one final plunge, he spilled himself deep inside her.

He made no sound, save the deep, rapid gasping that tore from his chest. She felt the heat of his breath on the side of her face as he buried it partially in her hair and the mattress. He bucked within her for a long while as he expelled every bit of the sticky substance from his body.

Nyota turned her head and tenderly kissed the exposed portions of his face and shoulder. She never felt so satisfied and content with any man like this before. She was overcome with a happiness that threatened to make her weep.

She held back her tears.


	13. Chapter 13 Hussy

When Nyota fell asleep, Spock carefully moved her off of his chest. It had been twenty-three minutes and eleven seconds since he had withdrawn his spent body from hers. He considered waking her, but thought better of it as it was late and she had been tired even before he came to her quarters the first time. Spock thought of the events that led him to return to Nyota's cabin after she had humiliated him- no…not humiliate, misled. He _misled_ her earlier when she disrobed before him, which Spock mistook as an invitation to her body. He believed he was using his logic then but lust replaced his good sense, clouding his judgment about the situation…..

After being dismissed by Nyota earlier that evening, he rushed to his quarters feeling an array of emotions. She had succeeded in vexing his psyche and he didn't know how to manage. He had always meditated, but meditation required a level of peace that he did not, at present, possess.

In his quarters, he did not allow himself an opportunity for inactivity. He busied himself with tasks such as bathing and preparing for sleep. He reviewed his notes for the day especially those pertaining to the work to be done on New Vulcan.

Yes, concentrating on the colony would force him out of this disquieted state. It would remind him that he was needed more elsewhere and that he was valued not only for what he did, but also for what he was. He would finally gain the acceptance that he longed to have all his life from his people. It dismayed him , however, that it came at the cost of his planet and ….loved ones.

He thought of this word, '_love'._ He had only known the emotion through the mother that he adored-the mother that had showed him love unconditionally no matter what he said or did. He suddenly felt grief at the loss of her again. He turned away from his console, deciding to terminate his work for the evening.

His thoughts kept returning to Nyota. She had perplexed him like nothing before. She was a puzzle- an enigma that he struggled so desperately to solve. Perhaps, all humans were complicated like this if he would only care to examine them further. But he hadn't. He only cared for _her _– was drawn to _her_-wanted _her._

He allowed himself to feel this way about her years ago as her instructor, after he had lost the countless struggles with himself to keep his distance. He deduced that logically, he should give into his desires for her since denying her was proving to be a lost cause- an impossibility. His logic spoke to him in this way _then_.

Spock thought about the similar circumstances he found himself in now. He wanted to have Nyota. He attempted to deny himself like he had at the Academy, but it proved to be hopeless. In his mind, Spock justified the lust that he felt for her. Perhaps, an outpouring of emotion such as that which he had given her for so long causes one to push for more. Perhaps consummation after emotional attachment is necessary to gain clarity and focus once again. Succumbing to his sexual indulgence with her would help him to clear his mind and body of any desire for a continued romantic relationship. Yes, this is the answer.

Spock felt the burden of his dilemma lift immediately as he decided that he would return to Nyota tonight. He would persuade her to acquiesce to him. Thoughts about his mission tonight and the intimate details involved caused him to leave his quarters quickly without thought to his attire or appearance. He reached her door in four minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

…

The night continued into morning and Spock was due on the bridge in a few short hours. He kissed Nyota on the head when she whispered some words aloud that he could not decipher in her sleep. He heard her do this countless times before when they shared the evening together. He desperately wished to stay, but knew that he should take his leave before she awakened. He quietly moved himself out of her bed and dressed. Another pang of desire stirred from within him as she shifted unexpectedly, the sheet atop her sliding off revealing her bare torso. He saw, on her breasts, the angry marks left behind from his frenzied love making. He turned quickly and exited the premises.

It had been one night, the first night that they were truly lovers. Nyota beamed both inside and out as she went about her day off. She spent the majority of it in her bed. She slept and read and lay there listening to music and thinking of Spock. She smelled the pillows on her bed repeatedly taking in the scent of him. She replayed the evening over and over in her mind, becoming excited each and every time she did. All was well in her world and she counted down the hours until she could see her lover again.

Before long, hunger set in and Nyota got up to dress and head out to the Mess Hall. Her body was stiff and unrelenting as she moved about her cabin. She felt raw between her legs and the heat of the soothing shower she took didn't do much to relieve the irritation. Dressed in a pair of sweat pants and a tight-fitting tee, she left her room. Perhaps she would see Spock.

The dining hall was quiet. The mid shift mess break didn't really begin for another hour even though a variety of foods were available at all times. Nyota looked around the large room and spotted a very familiar face. She headed toward Janice Rand and set her tray down at her table.

Janice had been a friend of Nyota's former roommate at the Academy. The two of them were introduced one evening in her freshman year, when Gaila had forced Nyota to sleep in Janice's room while Gaila entertained a male 'friend' in theirs. Their initial meeting had been awkward, but soon the two young women found themselves falling into laughter often, and talking well into the morning hours. They had been good friends since and Nyota was more than pleased to know that she would be serving with Janice on the Enterprise.

"What's up, Wench?" Janice said starting their usual teasing banter. Nyota sat down and prepared her meal.

"Not much, Hooker. How come you're not at work?" Nyota asked.

"I would be, if it were up to me….but I _have_ to take my break. Federation regulations."

"Ah, yes, that's right….Of course, if it were up to you, you would be 'at work' twenty-four seven " Nyota teased.

She knew that Janice had a serious crush on Kirk since she'd met him in one of her classes during Basic Training. She talked about the Captain as much as Chapel talked about Spock. It was no surprise how she came to be his yeoman aboard the Enterprise. She petitioned for her position repeatedly to a recovering Admiral Pike after Kirk received his commission.

"The man is woefully independent. He won't let me do anything for him. I'll have to put something in his drink to make him sick so I'll have to take care of him." Janice winked at Nyota.

"Might want to wait until we finish gathering our supplies from StarBase 11. I don't want to have to deal with the red tape on that one alone." Nyota countered.

"Ooh, no. See, if Kirk were down, Spock would be Acting Captain….then you'd be screwing the boss." Janice's smile was wide and she wiggled her eyebrows up and down.

Nyota paused a moment trying to hide her surprise. "Who said I'm screwing Sp-anyone?" she corrected.

Chewing a bit of her food, Janice smiled again at her and looked down at her friend's lap. She took a bite of her bread and stifled a chuckle.

"What?" said Nyota unable to stand it any longer.

"Nothing. Just that you look like you've just been…..you know.."

"No. I don't know, Janice. What?"

Another smile.

"Well?" Nyota insisted.

"Well, Lieutenant….you are walking a bit funny today."

Nyota looked at Janice in disbelief. "I am not. I worked out really hard yesterday, that's all."

Janice gave her another smile and let a long pause hang between them. Nyota started to feel uneasy. She knew that Spock did not like to be the topic of gossip among the ship crew, or anyone else for that matter. Although her relationship with Spock was known, most figured it to be a non-sexual one since they couldn't imagine the Vulcan displaying emotions necessary for such activities.

"Oh, I'm sure you worked really hard, alright." Rand lowered her head and moved in closer to Nyota. She whispered, "You will have to let me know all about his hardware."

"Janice!" Nyota whispered loudly.

"Oh stop pretending. You're doing the walk. The one that an ex-virgin does after getting her cherry popped…..except you ain't no virgin, so I _know _he's dragging." Nyota thought that Janice could be so raw and vulgar- a characteristic that she enjoyed greatly at times. Now, however, wasn't one of those times.

"Hey, maybe it's just been a while….And what are you trying to say anyway, Rand-I'm easy—loose? You confuse me with your mom." Nyota tried to turn the banter back on and shift the conversation away from Spock and last night.

Janice laughed. "You know what I mean…it's just that after a girl is deflowered, she doesn't usually have to do 'the walk' …like ever again. And, thank you, by the way for just confirming my suspicion."

Suddenly, Janice straightened and began to assemble her dishes. "Shit, I gotta go. Time's up." She got up and grabbed her tray off of the table. Before parting, she looked down at her friend and shook her head from side to side. "You're not fooling me, you know…..and yes, we _will_ talk later."

She turned and began to walk away. "See you later, Tramp," she said over her shoulder.

"Later, Hussy," Nyota laughed.

Nyota rested one elbow on the table as she laid her head in her hand. She picked at her food trying hard to picture herself as she walked from her room to the dining hall. She was embarrassed at what Janice had said and she wanted to know if she was truly that obvious. Behind her, she felt another's presence. She grew excited inside, thinking that it may be Spock. She turned her head to find Cmdr Jess standing behind her with a tray in his hands. She saw that he only had some rolls and a bagel with some butter on a saucer and a small cup of coffee.

_Thank God- maybe this won't be long. _Nyota gave him a small smile and he smiled in return.

"May I join you?" he asked her politely, still grinning.

"Uh..sure. I was just about to get up, though."

Nyota wanted to append her consent with a warning letting him know that she would be leaving soon so that he wouldn't feel offended, but Paul was too smart to fall for that one. He noticed that she barely touched her food and she had a lot of it on her tray.

He pulled out a chair beside her and sat down slowly.

"You're embarrassed about what I said last night." He started.

_Right to the point._

"Oh…no, I just wanted..I was just…" she stammered. "I'm sorry Paul; I'm a little out of sorts this morning. ..that's all. But really, I was just about to go."

"Okay, okay. But, I want you to know that what I said last night?...I'm not sorry I said it. I meant it -–I mean it," he said softly. "But I don't want you to feel weird around me. If it helps, we can pretend I never said a thing."

Nyota looked at him nervously. "We might have to."

There was a brief silence before he turned to his food and said, "Done."

They continued with idle talk about the morning and the events that occurred on the bridge. _Nothing to write home about_, she decided. After waiting a reasonable amount of time to socialize, she excused herself from the table and went to turn in her tray.

In her cabin, Nyota stripped down to her panties and bra. Not just any underwear, they were a matching set of a dainty off-white gossamer fabric that did not leave much to the imagination. They had flowers along the borders and were designed to intice. She slipped into her bed again and continued to read her PADD.

It was a glorious day off and Nyota became blissfully unaware of the time. It was already time for the evening meal and she knew that Spock was finishing up his duties before being dismissed for the day. Her heart leapt inside her chest at the thought of seeing him soon. She put her PADD in rest mode and moved out of her bed to get dressed. She wondered if she should call Spock to see if he wanted to join her, but wasn't sure if that would make her look desperate. Finally, she decided to put the thought out of her mind and summoned the computer.

"Computer, locate Commander Spock."

"Commander Spock is currently located on Deck Eight in Medical Bay Main."

_It's probably nothing, _Nyota thought to herself. She was certain that he was there on business, although she couldn't understand what business he would be taking care of in Medical Bay. She finished dressing for another outing to the dining hall. She decided that she would pop in to Medical Bay to make sure that Spock was not hurt or ill….and she wanted to make sure that Nurse Chapel was not salivating over him if he were.

When she stepped into Medical Bay, Nyota found Dr. McCoy standing at a console entering data into it. Without looking up to see her, he spoke loudly, "What can I do for you , Lieutenant?"

"I was just…um-" she said feeling suddenly foolish for being there.

"He's in the supply room back there." He pointed toward the back of the room behind her without allowing her to finish.

Nyota nodded her head in acknowledgment but then changed her mind about finding Spock. She started to turn to exit the facility when Nurse Chapel breezed by her and marched to the back room in the direction McCoy had pointed to earlier. She looked up and saw Dr. McCoy staring up at her from his computer console. She beamed a smile at him and promptly left.

Nyota took a small salad from the buffet in the Mess Hall and went back to her quarters to eat. She didn't want any company this evening and knew that if she ate in the hall, she would be accosted by friends and….Paul. She wanted to see Spock as soon as he was finished in Medical Bay, and she hoped like hell that he would waste no time in coming to see her. Lovesick and feeling foolishly like a teenager for it, Nyota waited the remainder of the evening for Spock to come to her. Hours passed and she periodically commanded the computer to verify his whereabouts.

"Commander Spock is currently located on Deck Eight in Medical Bay Main," the computer repeated for the fifth time tonight.

Nyota was far from being impatient. She was no longer hopeful. She was pissed.

…

When Spock saw Nyota again, it was the next evening. He stood in her doorway as she confronted him with angry eyes and a sharp tongue. She was angry with him and was not shy in letting him know exactly why.

Initially, when she answered her door chime, she told Spock that she was too busy to see him and that it would be best if he just left. She did not mean this, of course, but she was fishing for an apology and an explanation. Eventually, Spock realized this, and asked if she would allow him to come inside and offer an explanation. Nyota relented and moved out of the way for him to enter.

He told her how he had been accosted by Christine Chapel in Medical Bay. He was there to recalibrate some equipment that had been sent to McCoy when she came strolling into the supply room.

"She expressed her desire to apologize for her rude behavior at the Commander's party. I do not know why an apology was necessary, as she behaved as I expected," he admitted.

"And her apology lasted four hours?" Nyota tried to keep her tone neutral. She was not succeeding.

Spock gave Nyota a curious look. "No. The duration of her apology lasted exactly five point seven seconds."

He was purposely being obtuse here, Nyota knew.

"What I mean to say," she continued, "is that you seemed to be contained in Medical Bay for an inordinate amount of time."

Spock wasn't sure what she was alluding to, so he responded in kind. "I encountered some unforeseen obstacles with the repair of several modules that were mated with individual equipm-"

"Okay. …there's no need for technical explanations," she interrupted.

Silence passed between them. Unable to let it rest, Nyota pressed on.

"So, was Chap- _Christine _there, too?" she asked casually.

"Yes. Unfortunately. She did not aid in the accomplishment of my duties. She was, in fact, a distraction. I apologize, Nyota for being preoccupied."

"Why didn't you ask her to leave?"

"I did, although I believe she did not feel that I meant it."

Nyota's brows furrowed. "Why do you say that?"

Spock sighed softly in imperceptible exasperation. He was ready to change this subject.

"She told me so."

Nyota rolled her eyes at the thought of Chapel trying to use a line on Spock. She quickly dismissed the nurse from her thoughts and set her mind to the Vulcan in front of her.

"I didn't mean to snap at you earlier, Spock. I'm sorry." She gave him a coquettish look that endeared her to him.

"I hope you'll forgive me.." She raised her arms and wrapped them around his neck. He leaned down to kiss her pouting lips.


	14. Chapter 14 Time's Up

It was early. The ship would remain quiet for only a few hours more before the hustle and bustle of the morning would be underway. Nyota kissed Spock one last time before hurrying to her quarters. She had spent this last week sleeping in his cabin and every night, they had done the same thing….well, almost the same thing.

Nyota was pleased with the progress that she was making with Spock. Their relationship had improved ten-fold since they had eliminated the barriers to their physical relationship. He tried to limit the time they spent together after their first night of consummation, but (as Nyota hoped) he quickly changed his mind when their lovemaking proved to be more impassioned than he could possibly imagine.

Nyota made certain of this by making herself available to him. She gave him ownership of her body, never refusing him and understanding during those rare nights when he wanted to 'do all but engage' in intercourse due to time constraints. She wore enticing lingerie and oils that induced the release of pheromones (or so the sales woman at Denobula Triaxa claimed). She gladly did these things for him. She would stand on her head naked if she knew that it flipped Spock's switch. She was hopeful that, in the end, he would choose her over duty to New Vulcan. As each night came and went, she grew more certain of it.

His libido proved to be a surprise to them both. Spock soon realized that during certain times of the day, his body craved her touch and he was powerless to stop it. Worried that this may be the early signs of Pon Farr, he was certain to take note of any physical and mental changes occurring within him. After sufficient time, however, his findings revealed nothing of that nature; and he concluded that his body was using copulation as a means for relieving stress and anxiety. He was convinced this was so after his morning meditation sessions improved following a night of intense lovemaking to Nyota.

He had spent numerous nights with her engaged in these stress relieving activities. Many times she had stimulated him beyond measure that he would often go after her with overzealous determination. She had reassured him that he did not hurt her, but doubted her declarations when he saw the bruises between her thighs, on her ankles, or on her neck and torso. Although they were intimate numerous times already, each night brought renewed excitement; and the fulfillment of appetite was an indulgence that he simply could not ignore.

While in the beginning, he resolved to satisfy his craving for her only once to 'get it out of his system' and enable his mind and body to carry on as a true Vulcan; he now made contingencies for his behavior with Nyota. He reasoned that it was permissible to continue his sexual relationship with her as long as he did not merge his mind with hers.

This act was not his to offer to her and she could never understand the importance of it. It was an act that was carried out between bonded mates. She hadn't even known what it meant to be bonded. He was sure of it when she argued with him once about her desires to bond with him. She had argued that he would not allow her to do so despite her attempts. If she did understand the nature of bonding, she would be less enthusiastic about being a participant. Spock was certain of this. And, anyway, he would not be able to fulfill her needs in the way that a human would expect one to in a deeply committed relationship.

He decided that he would make the best of his time with Nyota aboard the Enterprise. She pleased him immensely and he would not apologize for or regret this small indulgence in his life.

…..

During the day, they were professional. It was very easy for them both, as Spock was absent from the bridge nearly all of the time now as Cmdr Jess took full control of the Science Station. He proved to be a quick study-confident in his actions and very pleasant to be around as well. It saddened Nyota a bit that the bridge crew seemed more at ease with the young commander than with Spock. She tried to keep thoughts of Spock's impending departure out of her mind; and she busied herself with planning the amorous activities that she and her Vulcan would engage in later.

Silence and boredom permeated the bridge. Every crew member aboard the bridge had long been finished with their work for the day. Unless anything unexpected came up, they would have the remainder of the shift to do menial tasks while basically goofing around. It was during these times that Nyota wished that something exciting would happen. Certainly nothing on the order of Nero again, but the introduction of a new planet and people would be most exciting.

Unfortunately, this excitement was not to be had today.

For the millionth time today, she heard the familiar voices that amused her so on days like this.

"Hey, Chekov. Your girl last night…..one word, Dude…..Babe." Sulu said breaking the silence again.

Slightly embarrassed, Pavel Chekov smiled and nodded his head.

"Yes. She is very sexy…not Russian, but…not bad at all."

"So how far did you get, man?"

"Not so far. Slow is the key, you know."

"Yeah, well if it were me, I definitely would've launched my photon torpedo already," smirked Sulu.

"Yes…but me- not yet. My forward thrusters are still on full."

"Aw, don't tell me she raised her shields on you."

Chekov nodded, but continued, "….Is okay. You know, my seed is very valuable in Russia. I am much wanted by the many women. As a matter of fact, there is a jingle that they sing about me there. It goes this way: there once was a….."

"-Okay, boys that's quite enough. Don't forget that you have a lady in your company." Nyota interrupted.

Sometimes, Nyota found this sort of talk to be a little tacky. Ship terminology turned into raunchy jargon was the sort of thing that Spock would frown upon. She herself thought it childish, but didn't mind it too much when the two would go on this way, provided that it didn't get too disrespectful which it often did. She shook her head and fought back a smirk. She was in a good mood today. Chekov and Sulu even noted it when joking between themselves earlier during their shift. The two had always regarded her as being too serious about her work. They enjoyed going out with her, but she was very reserved and aware of herself no matter what they did or where they went. It was as if she could never really relax. The two had made a pact that they were going to do all they could to loosen her up and have a bit of fun. Five years was a long time to be around the same people day in and day out.

They knew that they were getting to her, though. She seemed to smile a little here and there and even laugh at their stupid jokes and childish behavior from time to time. It seemed that they tried harder when she was around.

During chow, the three sat together in the Mess. Nyota had a light lunch even though she was ravenous. She didn't want to linger in case Paul saw her and decided to sit with them. She knew she wouldn't be able to keep from talking with him as he was very pleasant to be around and easy to talk with. This wouldn't be a good idea, though. She didn't need or want any strife between her and Spock and she wasn't about to risk being seen acting too friendly with him. They had progressed to a real relationship now as far as Nyota was concerned. He returned to her every evening no matter what hour it was. They made love frequently and she knew his body as well as she knew her own. The only thing that she sought to change was his quiet demeanor and contemplative state after coition when he would say next to nothing to her. He seemed far away from her then and she wished that they would engage in meaningful conversation that would help her to understand where he felt their relationship stood.

Standing, Nyota grabbed her tray and exited the room. When she returned to the bridge, she found among the numerous messages on her console in her work station, a memo addressed to the Captain requesting the authorization for the release of ship personnel records. The official UFP 214 Form was attached with the memo for one Chief Science Officer, Lieutenant Commander Spock Number: S179-276SP. The Processing Station at Starfleet headquarters needed the official sign off from the Captain before Spock could be transferred from the Enterprise. Nyota thought this to be a superfluous request, as Spock had the backing of the highest Vulcan council members who were probably thrilled to no end to have Spock serving directly under them now. They need only say the word and Spock would be released. He wouldn't even need to go through the federation's standard procedures and endless paperwork.

As Nyota sorted through the hundred or so messages and delivered them to their intended recipients, she thought briefly of deleting it, but then decided to let this one sit in her queue indefinitely. She did not want to think of Spock leaving. She knew in her heart that it would be a waste of time allowing the forms to be authorized, anyway. Spock would change his mind, if he hadn't already. She was sure of this.

She entered her security information to close her console. Time to turn her full attention to the subspace frequencies. She knew that it would be a quiet shift and she increased the volume of her earpiece and took in deep breaths as she listened to the unshifting static of space. She couldn't think of Spock leaving her now. The resulting emotions would only cause her to display increased anxiety when he comes to see her later on after work.

When Chekov and Sulu returned to the bridge moments afterward, she asked them if they wanted to play cards with her in one of the rec rooms after their shift was ended. The two looked at each other in disbelief. Nyota had never invited them to do anything with her during her free time. It was always the other way around. Happy to receive the invite, they both agreed and went about the business of playing musical trivial pursuit with one another.

…..

As he moved in and out of her firm body, Spock fought the urge to look into Nyota's mind. He was having trouble with his desires in this regard lately and did all he could to keep his fingers from trailing up to the points along her cheek that would gain him access to her in a way that he had never had before. He gripped sweat soaked sheets tightly in both fists as he willed himself to fight the urges. His body was accustomed to receiving sexual gratification and now his mind wanted to experience its own pleasure by reaching out to hers. He attempted to recall their earlier conversation as Nyota told him of the pleasant time that she had with Sulu and Chekov. He endeavored to recite her exact words in his mind. This proved to be an effective exercise in the past when he was losing control of himself and needed a distraction to help him recover. This, however, was no longer the case.

He struggled against himself increasing his pace in an effort to reach his climax before his fingers reached for her face. Desperate for release, he carelessly spoke a vulgarity in his native Vulcan through gritted teeth. This excited her even more and she gasped her response in turn, urging him to move faster and deeper. He was on fire for her tonight. This pleased her and below, she squeezed him tighter and tighter until she could hold on no longer. Her orgasm burst from within her and she bucked wildly beneath him. Spock was so intent on maintaining control of his hands that he did not realize that he was still slamming into her with increasing speed and force. He had definitely felt her clench him with amazing strength and this would normally have been enough to take him over the edge. He worked past it, however, and now he plunged into her causing her to sink deep into the mattress of her bed with every frenzied thrust. Riding her orgasm like never before, Nyota was quiet as she was unable to gather enough air in her lungs to make even the slightest whimper. She reached toward Spock's neck bringing her up against him and bit him hard. She latched her mouth onto his sweat slicked skin heaving forced breaths of air against his neck. Feeling the pang of pain on his flesh, Spock suddenly expelled himself into her grunting terribly as he did so. Once again, as he had for several nights now, Spock lay quietly on his back beside Nyota. The only sound in the room was their ragged breathing; and once this abated, there was complete silence.

In the past, she had thought that he had fallen into deep sleep alongside her, until he would break the silence by speaking a few words to her- usually whispering her name as he thanked her. Nyota didn't quite know what to say to him during these times, but didn't really like it much when he thanked her after sex. She would just kiss him gently on the cheek and lay her head on his shoulder.

Tonight he did not thank her, however. Instead, he shifted onto his side and faced her. He could see the shadows playing on her soft features. Her loveliness never ceased to fascinate him.

He began softly, "Nyota, you are a most unexpected gift."

He moved the back of his fingers against her cheek. She did fascinate him in so many ways and he looked upon her now- not with lust, but with overwhelming tenderness.

Still lying on her back, Nyota turned her head to face her lover. She smiled softly at him.

"A pleasant gift, I hope," she teased.

"In many ways." He answered her solemnly.

Nyota closed her eyes as her smile widened. She kept her eyes closed as she spoke softly to him.

"I thank my God for you, Spock. ..everyday."

He lightly skimmed his fingertips over her bottom lip. He closed his eyes and a feeling of despair fell over him. He moved back onto his back and looked straight up at the ceiling.

His voice was a near whisper against the darkness of the room when he spoke next- the sadness apparent in his tone.

"I depart in two days."


	15. Chapter 15 Distraction

Nyota couldn't believe that she was standing in his quarters on his final day aboard the Enterprise. Although it was not his official resignation, and his change in duty station served only as a temporary hiatus, Spock's leaving her was something that she could not accept. He was not able to tell her when he would return to the ship. He wasn't even certain about when he could see or contact her next. There were too many uncertainties and she was not going to accept any of them without a fight.

She would not get angry. She would not fight with him. She knew after he had told her of his impending departure two nights ago that this wasn't the way to approach him. He did not want to leave her as much as she didn't want him to go. She was certain of this. But she also knew that his father and the rest of the Vulcan population (or so it seemed) would not allow him to make his own choice in this matter.

She wanted him to rebel against his forced obligations to New Vulcan. She wanted him to finally let his father know his true desires—to stay aboard the Enterprise and to stay with her. She would have to appeal to the very part of him that he had struggled all his life to conceal. She would have to make his human side see her. It wasn't about sex this time -that battle was fought and won over long ago. She needed to capture his heart.

She fought with all her strength to keep from crying. Standing in the middle of his sitting room, she watched as he came out of his bedroom carrying a large Starfleet issue duffel bag in one hand. He approached her carefully. Stopping directly in front of her, he lowered the duffel onto the floor. Nyota tilted her head to one side, a pained expression that held a rueful smile affixed to her pretty face. A long, silent moment hung between them and she averted her gaze toward the floor next to the overstuffed bag by his feet. Spock reached his hand up and wrapped it gently about the nape of her neck drawing her forehead to his- a gesture that she will never get used to. Another silent moment passed.

Nyota shook her head from side to side as she finally spoke.

"This is the part that I hate more than anything else," she whispered.

"Forgive me this, Nyota."

The sound of his voice made the tears form in her eyes. There was too much to be said here and she willed them not to fall yet.

Tilting her head up to face him, she looked directly into his dark eyes.

"Will you not reconsider?...Please." Her voice was smaller and weaker now and she was only able to mouth the word 'please' as she spoke to him.

"It is my greatest desire to remain in my current position, however, as I have explained before, I….cannot."

He slightly tightened his loose grip on her neck. "Forgive that I am unable to provide the details of my return that will bring you solace. I shall think of you every day that we are parted."

_Think of me? …and I've worked so hard… _Nyota's thoughts were starting to wander toward unwanted directions, but she knew that she couldn't blow it here.

Suddenly, she moved closer into his body and buried her face into his chest. His arms automatically closed around her in an embrace.

"How long?" she struggled to get the words out.

"I cannot be certain."

"How long?" she whispered again more urgently.

"Long, Nyota."

She sniffled audibly and regained her composure. Standing upright, she moved away from him only far enough so that she could look him in the eyes. She placed her hands flat against his chest wanting him to understand with absolute clarity her next words.

"Whatever you want me to do, I'll do. Whomever you wish for me to become… I will. Please take all that I have to offer, Spock. My heart, my body, all of me…belongs to you. I have given them to you long ago."

Spock was taken aback by Nyota's declarations and he stood before her uncertain of his next actions. He was not completely oblivious when it came to matters of the heart and knew that Nyota cared deeply for him. This was precisely why he made certain to remind her often of his inevitable departure. He never expected that she would offer herself wholly to him the way she just had.

He was not completely made of ice, however, and in the time that he had known her intimately; his affection for her grew as well. He slowly reached up with both hands and gently grabbed her wrists. He slid his palms against hers and wrapped his fingers around her small hands. He considered them momentarily- how delicate they seemed to him, just like she was now. Gone was the strong, self-assured and disciplined female that she portrayed to all those around her. Instead, she seemed tiny to him - almost child-like.

He hated being the cause of her despair and felt a feeling akin to panic rise within him. He felt like fleeing. He did not want to see her shed tears, and knew that she was about to do just that. In the past, he had seen human females cry. He had witnessed his mother crying a few times as a youth and more often after his decision to live on Earth and attend the Academy.

Nyota was not just any human female, however. Seeing her in a distressed state always did something to Spock, although he was always able to check his emotions so that his concern was not apparent. This had always been the easiest emotion to conceal from her. He was uncertain as to why he was feeling such alarm now as she stood before him. He decided that leaving now was the best thing for them both. Not knowing what to say, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and released her hands. He picked up his duffel and started to turn away from her.

Nyota suddenly grabbed at him, catching a fistful of Spock's jacket lapel in her hand. He stopped in his tracks, looking down at the floor.

She moved in closer, her lips barely touching his chin. She spoke against the smooth skin of his face and he could feel rather than hear the desperation in her words.

"I will beg, Spock. Please. Don't-"

Saving her from further disappointment and regret, Spock interrupted, "-Farewell, Nyota."

And with that, he was gone.

Nyota stood there for a long while. The room around her was as silent as a tomb. Realization hit her all at once: she wasn't going to see Spock later on that night or tomorrow night for that matter. It could be months or even years before they would be reunited. The sorrow in her heart caused tears to fall continuously down her face. She blinked in rapid succession to clear her vision. She set herself down onto his sofa and continued to sob into her hands. Before long, she fell asleep. She awoke momentarily confused and looked around for her Vulcan. So many times she had awakened on this sofa, but he was always within reach of her. After a short time, realization dawned upon her once again and she felt the tears begin to swell in her eyes.

…..

Well into its third week into orbit from the Alpha Quadrant, the Enterprise was preparing for a data mining mission in the Delta Volanis Cluster, a largely unexplored cluster of several star systems in the Sirius Sector. The excitement on board the ship was noticeable and the members of the bridge crew were both apprehensive and curious about their destination.

The mission orders from Starfleet came at a great time, since many of the ship members who had requested and taken leave had returned and were more than ready for action. Many of them had traveled to nearby New Vulcan, taking advantage of the several shuttles that disembarked on the same night that their former First Officer left. Others had beamed down to the other planets that were nearby, while some preferred staying onboard the ship finally able to utilize the ship's numerous recreational facilities.

While Nyota had accumulated sufficient time for taking a few days off herself, she did the exact opposite- signing up for double shifts and covering for officers who were convalescing from the Kamaraazite flu.

Captain Kirk had been among one of the infected and required around the clock care for the three weeks that they had been in orbit. This pleased Yeoman Rand in the beginning until Kirk grew more and more agitated with the onset of each new symptom and she complained to Nyota incessantly during their meal breaks about his demeanor toward her.

"I don't know what I was thinking wishing illness on that man. He's absolutely insufferable when he's like this. What a baby."

Taking a sip of her water, Nyota raised an eyebrow at her friend. "Well, be careful what you wish for…and all that jazz. Bet he's not looking too hot these days, is he?"

"I wish you would quit doing that. Did you pick that up from your boyfriend?" Janice pointed to her own brows.

A silence hung between them before Janice replied apologetically. "Shit. I'm sorry, Nyota. I didn't mean to be an asshole just then."

Uhura shook her head, waving away her friend's comment. "It's okay, Jan. It doesn't bother me, really."

"Liar. Wanna talk about it?"

"No. I really don't."

"Liar. Tell Auntie Jan all about it. Have you heard from him?"

"No."

"No, you're not a liar or no, you haven't heard shit from him?"

"Yes. To both." Nyota suddenly wasn't hungry anymore and started to push her food around on her plate.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Hon. That asshole."

Janice was clearly annoyed by this news. Nyota appreciated her concern and support, but really didn't want to go into any more detail. She decided to change the subject.

"So, I hear that lots of people have the K Flu."

"On the ship?" Janice said with a mouthful of food.

" Nope, on the moon. Yes on the ship, where else?" Nyota quickly countered.

"Wow. I don't see where they would've gotten it from—"

"No, really," Nyota interrupted. "It's something like sixteen point three percent of the people onboard. That's _crazy_."

Janice sat up straighter. "Yeah. That is crazy. So is turning into your absent lover. I mean, what the hell, Uhura—sixteen point three? What- you turning into a Vulcan, now? You keep that shit up, and I'm totally never eating with you again."

"Sorry. But it is true. That's what Dr. McCoy said. He's completely swamped in Sick Bay right now. Haven't you noticed?"

She was really trying to keep the subject off of Spock.

"Yeah. He is pretty busy. Serves him right- he's always so grumpy about things. Maybe some extra work will do him some good. It'll keep him off our backs, anyway."

Janice scooted her chair back signaling that she was about to get up and leave. She stopped in mid slide and looked at Nyota.

"Hey, you know what? That skank Chapel is like the only really good worker he has in there. Why don't you volunteer and help him out. That'll give you a break from the bridge action and let you get back into medicine for a while. I know he wouldn't object to that."

Nyota pondered her suggestion for a moment.

"Yeah, okay. I think I will. I can't stand Chapel, but maybe I can work on opposite schedules with her or something," Nyota said nodding her head.

"Calm down- it's volunteer work. Nothing serious. You probably won't even see her."

With that, she stood and started to walk off.

"Well, see you later, UUG," Janice smiled.

"Later, LEE," she countered.

Nyota thought about what Janice had said. This would be a great opportunity to keep herself busy. She was growing a bit weary with her constant duties on the bridge and she didn't like feeling this way about her primary work. And—it would give her the chance to revisit some of her medical training from way back.

In her youth, before the Academy, Nyota had been an active member in the relief missionary groups throughout Kenya providing medical aid to the numerous refugees that had immigrated from off worlds to escape political upheaval. Although they had little funding and quality equipment to provide their services, the mission was able to do plenty by way of healing the more simple ailments and educating them on positive health and lifestyle changes that they now had to adopt as Terrans. Much of Nyota's training had been on the job which had been provided by a few medical specialists in different modalities.

She finished off a few more bites of her food before going to see Doctor McCoy. On her way to Medical Bay Main, she remembered how the serious doctor glared at her when she came in looking for Spock once. He seemed to have a problem with the two of them being together and she couldn't figure out why. She never confronted him about it as she didn't have reason to make his acquaintance much. Today, she hoped that he would at least recognize her willingness to help and not bite her head off as he was known to often do to people.

When she reached her destination, she could barely see into the spacious lobby area of the facility. All the chairs were taken and many more people looking frail and coughing loudly were standing or sitting on the floor. She wasn't sure where to go to find the doctor. When she stepped further into the room, she could hear several voices coming from the corridor that led to the examination area. She thought about walking through the doors initially, but thought better of it as she was not part of the medical team and she didn't want to get in the way.

After standing in the lobby for ten minutes, Nyota decided to leave. There was no sense in being exposed to this contagious virus any further especially when her purpose for being there was to offer her assistance. She thought of how ironic it would be if she caught the flu from her visit there and chuckled to herself.

When she returned to her quarters, she immediately did what she always had every night since Spock left. Charging straight toward the console in her sitting area, Nyota was disappointed when she didn't see the blinking of the tiny round bulb that indicated that she had messages awaiting her. Every time this discovery was made, she was overcome briefly with the urge to cry. She had received no communication from Spock whatsoever since the night that he left her standing alone in his cabin. This had been over three weeks ago and she was growing more and more anxious by the day. She was willing to bet that he had contacted Kirk, though. This thought made her angry and she tried to push it out of her mind.

She started to think of how easy it was for Spock to just leave her like that….and after she had poured her heart out to him. She had, of course, had this thought countless times since he'd been gone, but just couldn't help going there again. She had never been rejected ever by any man in the past. She had always had the upper hand when it came to relationships. If anything, she felt that her previous companions were a bit too clingy for her taste. She was pleased with Spock, however. He had been different. He was disciplined, highly intelligent, and logical- which is precisely why she just _knew_ that he would be calling on her any day now.

_He's probably incredibly swamped with tasks or perhaps New Vulcan hasn't properly established an efficient communications system yet. _

Setting her thoughts of Spock aside, she commanded the computer to record a message for Doctor Leonard McCoy. She let him know that she was willing to volunteer and when she would be available next. As she sat in her quarters, she found that she was not able to quell the desperate thoughts of her restless mind. She needed a distraction. She changed into a fresh set of civilian clothes and checked herself in her cheval. Before she left, she made one last inquiry to the computer.

"Computer, locate Commander Jess."

…

The evening had been a pleasant one. Nyota met with Paul on Observation Deck One. He was thrilled to hear from her and did not hesitate to drop his current plans to meet for dinner. They ran into Yoeman Rand in the dining hall who gave her a wink and a smile as she exited the facility with a tray of food to take to the Captain. After talking at length during dinner, they decided to go back to the observation deck to continue their evening.

Throughout the earlier part of the evening, Nyota laughed easily and listened to the young commander talk about his days at the Academy and his childhood growing up all over Europe and America. He was very curious about her and she revealed a little of herself here and there. She noted that he looked at her often, stealing glances at her form when he thought she wasn't looking. She was pleased to be in the company of a man who appreciated such things. As the evening progressed, thoughts of Spock started to resurface. She dared not speak of him to Paul and he never asked once about the former First Officer. She was beginning to grow tired of his company. She wanted to return to her quarters and be alone with her thoughts now. Besides, Spock may have left a message for her, and she wanted to be able to reply at a decent hour. She found an appropriate point in their conversation to signal the end of their evening. Although he looked disappointed, Paul gracefully agreed to call the night and insisted that he walk her to her cabin.

"I'll be fine, Paul. Really. I can get back by myself. I wanted to stop by Medical Bay, anyway."

"Are you okay? Hey, you're not sick are you?" he said to her with an expression of concern on his face.

"Oh. No, no. I just needed to ask Dr. McCoy something. Don't worry. I'm not infectious," she replied teasingly.

"I'd gladly suffer the effects of anything I got from being _too_ close to you," he teased back.

Nyota shook her head and turned toward the lift.

She felt awful about lying to Paul, but she didn't want things to escalate to anything more. She saw him as a friend and knew that he had other feelings for her. She didn't want this kind of pressure. She slipped into her bed with disappointment in her heart. Again, she received no word from Spock. She willed herself to dream of him, but in the morning she could not remember if she had.

In the days that followed, Nyota was in and out of Sick Bay. The amount of people suffering from the flu that had invaded the Enterprise was staggering. Dr. McCoy had requested an Emergency Assistance Summons from Starfleet to proceed to the nearest dry dock station. Infected personnel were to be quarantined off ship upon arrival. Mandatory vaccinations were already being given to the unaffected and Nyota helped with the administration of the hypos even though she did not officially have the authority to do so. Dr. McCoy made the necessary allowances and recorded the changes in his log. The numbers of those falling victim to the Kamaraazite flu were growing at a steady rate.

Against Dr. McCoy's orders, the Captain returned himself to duty. Although not fully recovered, he was doing well enough to command his ship. He wished like hell that Spock were there to help him get things under control. His Vulcan immunity to a myriad of illnesses would prove to be most helpful in this situation. Once at dry dock, Starfleet sent a huge medical team on a rescue starship to care for the infirm. It would take them three days at best to arrive and the Enterprise would have to hold up there in the meantime.

As scheduled on the third day, the Enterprise was able to leave dry dock. Over one hundred and fifty out of the eight hundred and thirty beings aboard the ship stayed behind.

Nyota settled into her quarters, finally relieved to be moving out of dry dock. The past few days were very hectic. The medical staff aboard the Enterprise struggled day in and day out to keep things in order. The most difficult task had been containing the virus and preventing its spread to the nurses and aides working directly with the patients. The busy time was, in a way, a blessing as it kept Nyota from dwelling on Spock. She awoke every morning tired and went to bed tired. Tonight, the nightmare ended. She bathed and prepared for bed. She felt so fatigued lately and she fell asleep the second her body hit the bed. She did not wake up again until they were far into orbit.

In the morning, Nyota moved slowly out of bed. Her body felt so heavy and she dragged as she moved into the bathroom. Standing in front of the mirror above the sink, she gasped in surprise as she saw her reflection. Her skin was dull and dry and her eyes were slightly droopy with fatigue. She thought of the others who were ill and left behind. She dreaded the thought of being stricken with the flu like them. There were no more of the sick on the ship and she would be the only one. She groaned realizing that this was just the beginning of more terrible symptoms to come. When she attempted to undress to shower, her stomach twisted and she lurched forward over the toilet. Forceful heaving caused her to drop to her knees as she spilled the contents of her stomach into the stainless steel bowl.


	16. Chapter 16 The Girl Can't Help It

"Alright, Lieutenant. Looks like you're one of the unfortunate. Since we're already in orbit and you're the only one infected, I'm just going to confine you to quarters. No need to bring that miserable reminder to my staff. We've all been through enough these past few weeks."

McCoy reached for the PADD resting on the tray table by Nyota's biobed. She felt a little uneasy sitting there with only the flimsy gown covering her. She closed her eyes and groaned when she heard the doctor's news.

"So…I'm looking at one month of misery, then?" She looked up at him, as if he had the power to change her prognosis.

"About that, yes. I've seen it go as long as 60 days. Really depends on the health of the individual. You're looking at some weird stuff happening at first, though Uhura. You might get some hallucinations, although they won't be too bad- they usually aren't in humans. Have you started the sneezing fits yet?"

"I had a spell earlier, but it wasn't as bad as what I've read. It did last for about three minutes, though. Your nurse gave me an antihistamine when I came in."

McCoy passed a small tricorder around her head a few times as she spoke.

"Did Chapel give you a nasal steroid?" He put the tricorder down and placed both hands on his hips.

"No. And it wasn't Nurse Chapel that helped me," she said abruptly.

He raised an eyebrow at her tone of voice, but dismissed it quickly. She didn't know why she felt the need to clarify that last little bit about Chapel, but she could have sworn that she saw a slight smirk on the doctor's face when she did.

"Well," he said wrapping up his examination, "I'll have the nurse give that to you and, again, you are to remain in your quarters. Someone will check on you every two to three hours around the clock and administer your hypos. Right now, we'll finish up the vaccination series for the other bugs that usually accompany this virus and I'll give you something to help you sleep."

He started to walk out of the bay when he turned around suddenly. "I should also mention that stress is _not good _for what you have, Uhura. You should try to relax and allow your body…..and mind to heal. Try not to worry too much about ….er…uh…things"

As Dr. McCoy exited her bay, Nyota thought about the last thing he had said to her. He wondered why he would make such a comment. She immediately thought of Spock. She knew that he didn't care much for him and wondered if he said the comment out of spite or true concern for her well-being. A moment later, she was laying on the biobed doubled over with the worst ache throbbing in her head. She was about to summon for a nurse when Christine Chapel came in holding a silver tray with several hypo spray canisters lined up on it.

She didn't have the strength or the ability to protest. Nyota knew that she was at her mercy now and tried to get the nurse to understand what she was feeling.

Not even a second later, Chapel was at her bedside administering a hypo that caused her eyes to flutter momentarily before dissolving the pain. Nyota felt very tired and her attempts to sit up and speak were worthless as she felt her body grow suddenly heavier. She remembered the nurse saying something to her about a pain reliever and something about 'very drowsy' and 'will have to get the rest when you wake up' -but then soon thereafter, went down like a ton of bricks.

…

Earlier, Christine Chapel had been lingering about, catching snippets of the conversation between Dr. McCoy and Lieutenant Uhura. She was curious about the lieutenant's visit this morning and knew that McCoy wouldn't divulge any of the specifics of his examination – none that would be of any real interest to her anyway. She was not the processing nurse for Uhura when she first came in, nor was she the one assigned to her for the remainder of her treatment there. She would basically have no real reason to ask about the officer's medical condition or access any of this data in the sick call logs. A search in her PADD showed that Nurse Collard was assigned to Uhura's case. She found the woman quickly and informed her that she would be taking over Lt. Uhura as she was a friend and had requested that she do so. Of course it was an outright lie, but Chapel didn't worry about repercussions since the trading of favorites occurred regularly between this nurse and another one that worked the shift alongside her. Nurse Collard opened a file on her PADD and entered the credentials that allowed the transfer to be completed. She entered Uhura's bay armed with her arsenal of hypos. When she saw the officer doubled over in pain, she pulled a hypo from the tray she was carrying and immediately administered it. Moments later, Uhura's eyes slid closed.

Chapel looked at the unconscious form laying at the very edge of the biobed. Uhura was on her side and she had one arm draped protectively about her head. She closed the bay partition behind her as she studied the sleeping female. She was a beauty- something that Chapel had always thought to be true. She admired the smooth skin of her bare legs and her very petite feet. Her whole body was petite and compact. She didn't seem like she could defend herself against anything if she were ever in a situation that called for a scrimmage. She wondered how Spock could keep from breaking such a fragile woman during intercourse—_if _they had intercourse . Hell, she wondered how she had even gotten through her Basic Training courses at the Academy. She didn't look to be strong at all.

The thin gown that was tightly closed about the lieutenant before was now gaping open and partially covering the more intimate parts of her anatomy. Chapel trailed her eyes up from Uhura's tiny feet to just below the hem of the gown which rested high on her thighs. She peeled her eyes away, realizing that even in this unconscious state, Uhura's privacy was being invaded by her non- medical observations.

Her curiosity, however, got the best of her and she opened the bay door and looked down the corridor briefly. When she discovered the halls empty, she closed the partition manually, locking it with an audible click. She didn't know why she felt the need for the lock. She was simply going to move the patient from her current prone position and lay her on her back. She would be more comfortable this way and it was the best position to receive medical treatment. She moved toward the bed. Admiring her shapely legs and thighs again, Chapel reached down and used her thumb and index finger to lift the gown up. She slid it up to the lieutenant's hip, her eyes locked on her perfectly formed buttock. Chapel frowned.

_She's flawless, _she thought to herself.

She quickly pulled the gown down and stepped around to the other side of her. The nurse pulled her patient toward the head of the biobed resting her head gently on the pillow. The front of her gown was askew and the fabric hung low over the top of Uhura's breasts. Chapel could see the bare edge of the dark coloring of one nipple. She had not intended to go this far, but then her curiosity again, nagged at her. She situated Nyota as straight as she could and reached to her side to untie the strings of her medical gown. The gown was not too big for her and the slit on the side opened wide when she untied them. Freeing the fabric from Nyota's body, Christine opened the front to reveal a set of firm, round breasts that would make any interstellar porn queen jealous. Her gaze lowered to Uhura's tiny waist (which looked as if it were pulled in tightly by a drawstring) that tapered to a wider splay of firm flesh that were her hips.

She grit her teeth in annoyance and slammed the panel of the gown she was holding onto the sleeping woman. The light fabric landed softly and Chapel went about the task of securing the straps once again. Disgusted with Uhura and embarrassed at what she had just done, Nurse Chapel stormed out of the bay to find Doctor McCoy.

…..

When Nyota awoke, the first thing she did was vomit. The combination of medications coursing through her and the crappy symptoms of the Kamaraazite Flu were wreaking havoc on her body. McCoy was standing by her bed with a new course of hypos to administer.

"That should ease up here pretty soon, Lieutenant," he said matter-of-factly.

Nyota wiped her mouth and looked up at him briefly. Her eyes were filled with tears and she opened her mouth to say something before lurching forward into the basin and retching again.

"Oh, God. Help me, Leonard," she managed before bending down again to toss up more.

The doctor placed his hand on Nyota's back and slowly began to rub it.

"That's not helping," she said quickly before the next round of heaving began.

McCoy exchanged one of the hypos that he was holding with another from the tray behind him. He held it to Nyota's carotid artery and released its contents. Soon she felt a tingling sensation flood through her body. He handed her a cold cup of water to drink and she instantly felt better.

"Thank you, God" she panted in relief.

"Yes, well. I'm good- great even, but I'm no God," he teased.

Nyota slumped back into her bed and closed her eyes.

"I don't know how much more I can take of this," she admitted.

"You'll start to feel better about after the third week. The vomiting will be over way sooner than that. You're looking at maybe another two days or so."

"I'd like to go to my quarters now. I think that if I have some hypos with me, I might be alright."

"Sorry, I'll have to have a nurse handle these. I'll send Chapel down in a few hours to give you your next dose."

Nyota wasn't happy to hear that Chapel would be the one tending to her, but she did feel that as a nurse, she was more than competent. She nodded her head at McCoy and smiled a goodbye as he left her side.

A nurse that Nyota had never met before entered and informed her that she was going to escort her to her quarters. Nyota was already dressed and ready to go when she heard a familiar laugh in the corridor outside her bay. Commander Jess was joking with someone about some card game that they had played the previous week when he turned into her room. When he saw Nyota, his grin widened and his eyes danced. She smiled back despite the aching of her limbs.

"I thought you said you weren't infectious," he teased her.

"I thought I wasn't. Hope you still don't mind catching my symptoms," she said seriously.

He walked toward her and grabbed her around the waist helping her off the bed. One glance from him toward the nurse who stood on Nyota's other side conveyed that he was in control of the situation and that she could leave. When they were alone, Paul asked Nyota how she was doing and why she didn't notify him of her sudden illness.

"Sorry. I didn't really have time. I woke up feeling rotten. Came here as fast as I could," she offered apologetically.

"Here, grab onto my arm," he instructed her as her legs attempted to give out from underneath her. "Can you make it?"

"I think so. Thank you, Paul."

When they reached her quarters, Nyota felt as if she had just ran a marathon. She was tired all over again and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed. Paul understood and helped her. He knew that a nurse would be coming to medicate her soon and so he talked with her more until she fell asleep. He remained by her bedside until Nurse Chapel came walking through the door. When Chapel saw Paul, she froze. She didn't think that there would be anybody else here. She smiled and spoke in hushed tones.

"Has she been asleep long?" she asked.

"No. About thirty minutes or so. I was just leaving. I wanted to make sure someone was here before I left."

"Understandable, Commander. I think she'll be okay for tonight."

She smiled at him again and felt a little nervous fluster creep up from deep within. The commander nodded once and made his exit.

Christine stared at the doors after they slid behind him. She remembered the first night that he had met her. He personally came to her quarters to deliver a PADD containing updates to the Medical Bay's Standards and Operating Procedures manual logs. She couldn't tear her eyes away from his face. He was handsome and his eyes were of the deepest green she had ever seen.

She started to imagine herself lying underneath him, caressing him. She wondered how he looked unclothed. She blushed to herself at her thoughts and turned back toward her patient. She would talk to the young commander later when they could be alone. She sat down at the edge of Nyota's bed and gently began to shake her awake. She explained to her what she was about to do. Before Nyota could even respond, Chapel placed the slender silver canister against her arm and squeezed. Nyota started to speak, but was too tired to form the words. The nurse pulled out her PADD, made her notations, and stood to leave—all the while thinking of Paul Jess and what she would say to him at their next meeting.

…

In his Ready Room, Captain Kirk waved his fingers over the PADD in front of him. He pondered the list of officers on the screen. He was to select a temporary replacement for Lt. Uhura- a task that was harder than he thought would be. He needed her for an upcoming meeting with some of the heads in Starfleet. A conference with the Starfleet Health Sciences Committee was being held in a month regarding the latest influenza outbreak on the Enterprise. They were to rendezvous with a transport ship at the next space station in lieu of their cancelled mission to Delta Volanis.

Kirk thought of the epidemic that had taken hold of his ship and cursed under his breath. He frowned as he thought of his Communications Officer and her month long convalescence. Dr. McCoy had informed him this morning that Uhura would be out for a month or 'however the hell long I say she needs to be out for, Jim'. He frowned again at the recollection of the doctor's words. He couldn't seem to keep his crew together.

_First Spock, now Uhura. Who next…Bones?_

He was glad to have a competent First Officer, however. Cmdr Jess had proven himself over time and he enjoyed the young man's jovial demeanor and disposition. As he thought of Uhura, he pondered whether he should notify Spock of her condition. He knew that Spock more than cared for her; and for the second time since their friendship had been forged, Spock asked the Captain to relay a message to her for him. The last conversation with his former Science Officer echoed through his memory.

Standing in the Shuttle Bay, the Vulcan was solemn, his face unchanged as he regarded his Captain.

"Captain, I apologize that I am unable to maintain my position aboard this ship. It is with great regret that I must forego my duties"

"Well, Spock, I know you'll be back. You've gotta do what you've gotta do. You're a fine First Officer and I look forward to having you back on the Enterprise."

"Permission to speak freely, Sir."

"Of course, Spock. Anytime- you know that."

Spock tensed as he chose his words. His eyes were locked on the shuttle that was being prepared to transport him to New Vulcan.

"Lt. Uhura…she is ...displeased that I am taking a leave of absence."

The Captain replied abruptly, "Yes, that is understandable, Spock. She does hold you in high regard."

"And I , her. Regrettably, I am unable to ensure her safety and ….comfort aboard the ship while I am gone."

Spock looked at Kirk expectantly hoping that he would understand his request. When he didn't respond, Spock turned his gaze back to his shuttle, his hands clasped behind his back.

"Captain, I wish for Lt. Uhura to, as you humans say, 'be looked after' in my absence."

Spock stood silently waiting for Kirk to reply.

"Uh..sure, Spock. What- do you mean make sure nothing happens to her? The safety and well-being of every member aboard this ship is my responsibility."

"Yes, of course Captain. I am speaking more specifically about her—"

Kirk interrupted as he nodded in realization, "—you mean her romantic interests….uh, I mean her acquaintances."

Spock turned his head abruptly to the Captain.

"She is often approached with unwanted advances from several individuals. It is my wish that she is –"

"made comfortable…..that is, free from such unwanted advances as they only serve as …..distractions to her work and leisure, of course," Kirk finished.

"Precisely"

"I'll try, but you should know, Spock….Uhura is more than capable of taking care of herself in that regard. She is a better judge of character than you may think."

"Yes, of course, Captain."

As the shuttle team finished loading Spock's belongings onto the shuttle, one crewmember gestured to Kirk that it was ready for departure. Spock stepped into the shuttle. Halfway in, he turned back around, facing Kirk. He said nothing as he hung his head down in deep thought. After a long moment, he raised his eyes to meet his friend's.

"Captain, please tell Lt. Uhura that—"

"Spock," Kirk said sharply, "She'll be fine. And she'll be waiting right here for you. We all will."

Spock nodded once. The Captain held up his hand in the traditional Vulcan salute.

"Peace and long life, Spock."

Spock answered in return, "Live long and prosper."


	17. Chapter 17 Fog

After the first few days, Nyota started to feel better. She saw Chapel every few hours of the day and learned that she would be the nurse assigned to her until she was recovered. When Chapel came in to administer her treatment, they did not say much to each other. The Captain and many of the bridge crew had come by earlier in the day to bring her desserts from the dining hall and small presents to cheer her up. She smiled as she looked at the collection of cheerfully colored stuffed bears and exotic flower arrangements that adorned her armoire and bookshelves.

"It's nice to get presents, isn't it?" said Christine breaking the silence.

She held Nyota's hands examining them for any rashes or discoloration.

"Yes, I guess it is. I don't know about the candies, though. I can't seem to taste anything these days."

The nurse looked at her questioningly, "Do you have a metallic taste in your mouth?"

Nyota nodded her answer and Nurse Chapel entered some data into her PADD.

"Anything else unusual? Any itching, blurred vision, sneezing or hallucinations?"

Her fingers hovered over the screen of her PADD as she awaited Nyota's answers.

"I do have a metallic taste in my mouth, yes. Everything else, I haven't experienced."

The nurse nodded her head slowly as she entered more information.

"Well, I hate to say it, but you will….but at least the vomiting is over with, right?"

Nyota looked down at her legs tucked underneath her heavy duvet.

"Actually, I am getting sick, but mostly when I wake up in the evening time."

"Hmm. Probably just a reaction to the medications we're giving you. This virus is something that can't really be killed. You just have to let it run its course and treat the symptoms….that's why there are so many hypos given so often."

Uhura nodded her understanding and offered her arm to the nurse. She knew what was coming next as the routine hadn't changed in the past five days. Chapel administered a hypo and Nyota started to feel the familiar sensation of heavy sleep fall over her.

Once Nyota was asleep and tucked into her bed, Chapel gathered her things. She walked over to the bookshelves that held her get well gifts and looked them over. She noted that there were an assortment of chocolates and hand written notes on actual stationary paper. She saw the stuffed animals in varying sizes and colors and rolled her eyes. She walked over to the most extravagant flower arrangement on her armoire- the gift that she was most interested in knowing about. The flowers were of the terran variety and she wondered which one of Uhura's suitors had sent it. She fished around for a card or label of some sort, but couldn't find one. Frowning, she decided that she didn't care who had sent them, although she made a mental note to casually ask the lieutenant about it when she was awake again. With medical bag in hand, Chapel left the room.

Nyota was stirring softly in her sleep. She mumbled a few words before slowly opening her eyes. Drowsy from drugs, and with eyes attempting to adjust to the soft light, she tried to identify the tall figure that loomed over her bed.

"Spo…Spock? Is that you?...You're really…here?" she said dreamily.

"Yes, it is me and I am here with you. Rest now."

Nyota's eyes struggled to stay open, but were unable to resist her body's call to slumber. She fell into deep sleep once more and did not awaken until morning as Chapel took her vital signs.

…

Nurse Chapel shook the lieutenant gently. She had slept peacefully throughout the night and seemed to be doing well now. Last night had proven uneventful for her patient when she left her quarters. When she returned to collect some forgotten items only moments later, however, she was shocked to find that she had an unexpected visitor.

"Mr. Spock!" Nurse Chapel shrieked in surprise.

Standing by Nyota's bedside, Spock clasped his hands behind his back and turned to face the nurse. He did not don his Starfleet uniform, nor was he in the traditional garments of his people. Instead, he was dressed in casual terran clothes like the ones that he wore on Earth during his leisure time off campus. Chapel was shocked to see him there, but could not help feeling a pang of desire at the sight of him. He regarded her coolly and nodded in response to her outburst.

"I….I'm sorry, Mr. Spock. It's just….that…uh…"

Christine attempted to think of something plausible to say to him. She wanted to explain herself and to also take advantage of whatever this meeting held for her. After a quick pause, she regained her confidence.

"I am sorry, Mr. Spock. I'm just surprised to see _you." _She placed special emphasis on the word 'you' for effect.

"I expected to find the Commander here….as usual. But instead…" she let the words trail off as she gestured to the bed.

"Cmd Jess is 'looking after' her." Spock said- the words coming out more like a statement than a question.

"Well, yes. …And ….she is well looked after at that. Why, I practically have nothing to do since he waits on her …..hand and foot."

Chapel studied the Vulcan's features for any sign that would indicate his displeasure at her words. She found none. His face was impassive- his expression stern as always. She continued on.

"Usually, he's here pretty late. I see the lieutenant every few hours or so throughout the day. My last visit is very late at night."

She studied his face once more. Nothing. She began to fuss about the room trying to look preoccupied.

"I think it's very sweet, really….all of this attention he's been paying her. It's almost as if they were a couple. I mean…..I know they aren't …..well, probably not. But it's still so kind of him to be so attentive and caring….Oh, I know I am just rambling, now. I apologize. Are you here on Starfleet business?"

Spock turned his gaze back to Nyota. She was fast asleep on her back and showed no signs of stirring any time soon.

"No. I came to see Lt. Uhura. I was notified of her illness."

Chapel frowned. She quickly changed her expression when she saw Spock studying her face.

"Excuse my surprise, Mr. Spock. You are far away from home, are you not?"

Spock raised an eyebrow, curious about where the conversation was headed.

"The return trip from your cancelled mission served as a fortunate circumstance as my planet is located in this sector, Nurse."

Nurse Chapel's shoulders relaxed slightly in relief. The last thing she wanted was to know that he traversed the universe just because he found out that Uhura had the sniffles.

When she found the items that she had left behind earlier, Nurse Chapel stepped closer to Spock. She smiled warmly as she spoke.

"Well, I guess I should say 'welcome back', then."

"Thank you for the greeting, Nurse, but it is unnecessary as I am leaving momentarily to return to New Vulcan. My intention was not to tarry."

He nodded a goodbye to the nurse and left the cabin.

Chapel remained a few minutes longer pondering the scene that had just taken place. She smiled, satisfied with herself. She looked over at Uhura.

"Things are about to get interesting around here, Lieutenant."

….

Nyota moaned as she stirred awake. Nurse Chapel was shaking her too hard and too fast. She managed to tell her to stop before pointing to the basin that rested on a table near the nurse. Realizing what Uhura needed, Chapel moved quickly and placed the bin underneath her chin. Uhura managed to wait until just the right moment before vomiting violently into it.

When she showed signs of stopping, the Nurse handed her a towel and a cold glass of water. She was incredibly thirsty and found that she could barely keep the contents of the cup from spilling out. Her hands were also shaking.

"What's happening?" she asked the nurse between deep breaths.

"You are reacting from the hypo that I gave you last night- you know, the last one right before you went down?"

"I remember. I think. The days just run together since I'm trapped here in this damn room."

Nurse Chapel shook her head. She was silent for a short while as she thought of something to say.

"I know it isn't easy. But, you know—I don't see why you can't go out for a short while. A trip to the Observation Deck might do you some good."

"Oh, yeah. Just what everyone wants- a contaminated mess of flesh walking about the ship. They'll all avoid me like the plague…which isn't far from the truth. This thing is going to kill me."

Nurse Chapel gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Actually, everyone on the ship has been vaccinated. They won't be able to catch it. As soon as you're well, you won't get it again."

She tried to sound cheerful.

"Oh, and I bet that the commander wouldn't mind escorting you there. I have some patients to tend to in Sick Bay, so I'm afraid I won't be able to do it."

Chapel paused a moment before encouraging her further. "C'mon. It will be great. You'll feel a whole lot better when you get back. I promise."

Nyota thought about it. She wasn't really concerned about what anyone thought about her being out in public. She didn't want to be accompanied by Chapel but was trying not to be too obvious about it. But the idea of Jess taking her…well, that wouldn't be a bad thing at all.

She agreed to the outing and Chapel informed her that she would arrange it with the commander for her. Nyota started to protest at first, but was too tired to put up a verbal fight. She nodded her consent and watched as the nurse made her final notations on her PADD.

Before turning in her bed, Nyota sat up suddenly and looked at Chapel.

"Oh, and I started getting those hallucinations that you and McCoy told me about."

Chapel stopped abruptly, her eyes still fixed upon her PADD.

"You had some visions? Tell me about them."

Nyota began to arrange the blankets and pillows about her.

"Well, there's really nothing to tell. I thought….well, I thought I saw Spock standing by my bed last night."

"Mr. Spock? Did he say anything?" asked Chapel trying not to sound dishonest.

"I don't remember. I was so tired. I just saw him standing there….hovering."

"Well," Chapel said with a smile, "that sort of thing is to be expected. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. "

Chapel turned her attention to her PADD. After a few strokes of her fingers, she closed the unit shut.

"Well, I'll leave you to your rest. I'll be back soon."

She helped Uhura straighten her blankets and positioned the pillow properly behind her head. She looked about the room before placing a fresh clean basin beside the bed. She took the used one into the bathroom and disposed of it properly. When she came out, Nyota was already tucked deep into her bed. She took her things and quietly left.

As the end of the alpha shift approached, Cmdr Jess received a message on his com from Nurse Chapel. Her voice carried a hint of concern and he quickly wrapped up his reports for the Captain. Once he was dismissed from the bridge, he listened to the message again, this time able to comprehend her words. She wanted to know if he could sit with Nyota tonight as she was unable to do so due to a nurse being sick. She also said that it would be good for him to take her out for a change of scenery. She wanted him to escort her. He felt his body ease as he listened to the remainder of her message. There was nothing to worry about after all. He thought about seeing her again tonight, as he had every night since she'd been ill. Perhaps the fact that she is able to leave her quarters meant that she was getting better. He smiled thinking of the night ahead of him.

When he saw her, he couldn't help the smile that widened across his handsome face. She was dressed in civilian clothes, not in the usual pajamas that he was accustomed to seeing her in lately. She wore a tank top layered with a light sweater made of a soft fabric and dark slacks that hugged her curves just enough to make you stare and wonder. They strode off to the Observation Deck so they could enjoy conversation without fear of anyone overhearing it. Nyota wasn't up for anymore company than the gentleman she had with her now, anyway.

They chose a secluded area behind a small partition that gave them a better view of the stars.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said smiling as he watched her gazing out into the darkness of space.

A slow smile spread across Nyota's face as she turned her attention to him. "I haven't heard that saying in a long time."

"Well," Paul said draping one arm across her shoulder, "I am well known on Earth for my smooth lines and witty conversation."

"How do you keep from tripping over all the women who swoon and fall down at your feet?"

"I usually keep it more tame to keep that very thing from happening, you see. But tonight…."

"—You're going all out?" she finished for him.

"Exactly"

She looked back out into the starry darkness.

"I'm sorry, Paul. I was just realizing something."

"Care to share?...Or….none of my business?"

"Okay, but I warn you…it's about Spock."

She gave him a smile that was half sweet and half apologetic.

"Not a problem. I'm all ears….sorry no joke intended."

Nyota giggled at the comment forgetting about what she was going to say.

She studied Paul's face and looked at him- really looked at him for the first time. Silence hung in the air between them. He was careful not to be the first to break it. He could sense that she was trying to order her thoughts- thoughts that included him. Without knowing why she did it, Nyota raised her hand and stroked his face with the back of her fingers. The touch surprised the commander. He wasn't expecting this. He didn't know how to respond or what to do next. He stood, frozen in his place, looking into her large dark eyes.

She sat there looking at him- into him through his emerald irises until finally, she broke the silence.

"Paul. I am so so sorry….for not seeing you before. You've always been so good to me. You give and expect nothing in return. You're an amazing man."

Her voice was soft and solemn. She meant every word that she said. In the time that she had spent away from Spock, she was able to see things more clearly. Her heart no longer raced as she went to check her messages on her console. There was even a day or two when she didn't even check it at all (although she was pumped full of medication on those days). She no longer cried herself to sleep when she thought about him. Now, she cried in anger when she thought of how he discarded her as if she never meant anything to him. She also wept when she saw items that conjured up certain memories of him and times that they had spent talking and teasing. She was getting better, however. She felt the subtle changes in her heart. It felt as if a fog that had settled around it had started to finally lift and she understood things better than she had before. She was convinced that Spock did not care and wondered if he ever cared for her at all.

Paul started to feel a nervous pulsing within his chest. He tried to quell it without Nyota noticing his discomfort. He very much wanted to kiss her and hoped like hell that she would make the first move. He remembered his failure at this with her before. He recalled how she had moved to avoid his kiss, making it crystal clear that she did not want him. He would not make that mistake again. He would wait for her.

Nyota dropped her hand from Paul's face. She gave him a half smile as she spoke.

"I think you'd better get me back to my cabin. I think I have some meds due about now."

She grabbed his hand and held it as she led him out of the deck and into a nearby lift.

Once in her quarters, an awkward silence remained between them. They had not said anything on the lift ride to her deck and Paul could find nothing to say to her now. He sat in her sitting room on her sofa as she made her way into her bathroom to prepare for bed.

After some time, Nyota emerged from the bathroom in her silk nightgown. She had her robe draped over her arm, but made no attempt to shield her body with it. Paul was standing in her bedroom busily doing something with his back turned to her. She moved to her bed and slid her legs underneath the covers.

"What do you have there?" she asked as she craned her neck to see around him.

"I was told that I needed to give you a hypo of some sort and I'm trying to figure out which one is marked for tonight."

"Ughhh. I think I know. I hate this one. It makes me so sick in the morning," she groaned.

"Oh. Here. It must be this one with the skull and crossbones on the front of it," he teased holding a hypo canister up to the light.

"You got it…..Hey, I thought you had to be a nurse to handle these. That's what Dr. McCoy said."

"Well, I guess Chapel didn't get that memo because she ordered me to give this to you since she'd be gone. Besides….McCoy is so uptight. He probably didn't want anyone to see how easy his job is."

Paul smirked at Nyota- a sign to show that he was teasing and wasn't serious about his comment about the doctor. He sat down next to her on the bed. The silence that followed them from the Observation Deck had returned. He didn't know what to say to her. He was treading gently now. With one crook of a beckoning finger, Nyota would own him- he knew and he'd be powerless to stop himself. He dismissed this thought and held up the hypo in his hands.

"Are you ready?" he asked her.

Nyota waited a moment before answering him.

"I think I'll skip it tonight."

She grabbed hold of his hand, wrapping hers around it as he held the canister in a tight fist. She moved it toward the tray table where he set it down gently. Never taking her eyes off his face, Nyota slid closer. Paul stared at her lips. Inside, his heart pounded. He wanted her so desperately for so long yet he was unable to move. She moved her lips closer to his and he could feel her warm breath on his cheek. She too was breathing faster now and he inched closer to her.

"I…don't know if we should be doing this" she said pulling back suddenly.

"I mean…I want to ….it's just that I am contagious and it's kind of…well…I don't want you to catch anything—"

"—I won't catch a thing. I don't mind….and I want to also."

He cupped her face in his hands and pulled her into him for a soft, chaste kiss. Paul started to pull back when Nyota grabbed the front of his shirt and yanked him to her, grabbing his lips in a deeper, longer kiss.

For several minutes they sat this way, their deep kisses like lazy waves moving across a serene lake. Waiting for her to indicate what she wanted from him was driving Paul insane. His fingers twitched in anticipation, his skin pricked with each soft moan that escaped her and below his hips, his body screamed for her touch. But still he waited for her.

Nyota felt his body jump to life. She did not intend for things to happen this way and while her mind was screaming for her to stop, her body had other plans for the evening. It had been a while since she felt this way. She wanted him so she decided to let it happen. She slowly took his hand and placed it high on her chest in the area just underneath her neck. She would give him a nudge in the direction she wanted him to go, but he would have to be brave and take things from there. He didn't. He fanned his fingers out, his hand laying flat on her chest. He could feel the thumping of her heart. He did not know what her intentions were and he dared not guess. Nyota was starting to grow impatient. They had not stopped kissing but he didn't get the hint. She reached up and moved his hands lower until they touched the very tips of her nipples.

Paul gently squeezed the firm mound beneath his palm. He moved his other hand to the other breast and massaged her. Nyota moaned her approval. She did not know how long it took or how it all happened exactly, but soon they were both nude and sweating and panting. They both fell on their backs when it was finished- Paul attempting to recover and Nyota feeling like she could have gone a bit longer. They said nothing and the room was as quiet as a tomb.

Paul cursed himself mentally for disappointing her. She didn't do or say anything to indicate her dissatisfaction, but he was so aroused by her beautiful body and the feel of her around him that he reached climax fairly quickly. He had been given the gift of this beautiful woman and he didn't even know what to do with her. His face grew hot with embarrassment. To her credit, she did not speak. She did not try to 'understand' nor did she feel the need to. She just waited.

Paul quickly finished berating himself for his poor performance. He may have finished quickly, but he was going to make her forget all about that. Feeling himself come back to life, he turned and positioned himself above her -holding her hands above her head and forcing her legs open with his. Without a sound he plunged deep into her body and did not stop until she begged him over and over again to.

Before the morning hours and way before Nurse Chapel would arrive, Paul quietly slinked out of Nyota's bed. She was laying on her stomach with her hair tousled about her. He covered her exposed back and dressed to leave. On his way to his quarters, he was not sure of what to think of the night he had with Nyota. He had finally gotten what he wanted, but somehow it wasn't enough. He wanted more from her and he couldn't explain why he felt like he had made a mistake bedding her in this way. Perhaps he should have waited. Any other time, he would have been feeling giddy and elated at what had occurred. Now, however, he only felt sadness and desperation.

…..

The moment she heard the doors slide close, Nyota sat up in her bed. She searched for her nightgown. She didn't want Chapel to find her unclothed for she would surely know what had transpired between the commander and the lieutenant. She groped about her bed before finding the familiar garment. She held it in her hands, rubbing the fabric between her fingers. It was the same gown that she wore the first night that she and Spock were intimate. She brought it up to her nose and inhaled although she didn't understand why she had done so.

There was nothing left of Spock in her quarters anymore. Her bed sheets no longer held his scent and pleasant images of him sitting and reading to her were drowned out by those of the night he left her. She thought she would be stronger than this. She thought that she would be able to move on with Paul, but the time that she had known Paul did not even equal a fraction of the time that she had spent knowing and growing to love Spock. And she did love him. One night with another man could never erase that. The guilt at what she had done started to wash over her and the feeling of deep regret settled in. Wanting somehow for all of this to be forgotten, she ran to her bathroom and started the shower.


	18. Chapter 18 Don't Want To Know

Captain Kirk reviewed the messages once more. He was relieved to discover that there would be a delay in the conference that was scheduled for next week. He was pissed, though, that his plans had been rearranged once again. He was starting to feel like a puppet with Starfleet red shirts pulling the strings. He was about to close his unit, when he heard the familiar ping of an incoming message. Lt. Howard, his current communications officer, marked the message 'top priority' before moving it along to his inbox. Lt. Howard seemed to think that everything that came from Starfleet was top priority. As a result, Kirk was inundated with meaningless calendar of events mail and requests for volunteering at social picnics and the like. The Captain had already voiced his complaint a few times. He shook his head and sighed in annoyance before opening and reading the message.

In lieu of the health committee meeting that had been postponed, the Enterprise was chosen to host an interspecies peace convention. Since the Enterprise was the largest federation ship in the sector, Starfleet felt that it would look favorably upon the federation to have the event on the ship. Kirk cursed aloud. He was ready for some real adventure. This wasn't quite what he had in mind when he proudly accepted his captaincy. He sighed again and commanded the computer to call Dr. McCoy.

"McCoy here"

"Hey, Bones it's Jim. Is Lt. Uhura off of bed rest yet?"

"Uh, no. She's feeling better, though. Anything I can help you with?"

"Not unless you can speak Andorian, Trill, or Vulcan."

"Sorry. Can't help you there." McCoy's ears perked up. "Did you say Vulcan?"

"Yeah. I need Uhura to help host a convention that's going to take place on the Enterprise."

"Says who?" asked McCoy grumpily.

"Says the people who sign your credit vouchers, that's who…..Uhura's feeling better, you say?"

"Who's going to be there?"

"I really don't have any more information about it. I'll tell you when I know….Uhura's better, right? …..As in better than she was before? It's been a month, Bones- I'm sure she can be returned to duty now, right?"

"I don't know, Jim. She hasn't been confined to quarters for some time, but I don't think that she's ready to get back to work just yet."

"Are you kidding? She's bored out of her mind sitting around doing nothing all day long. I bet she's itching to come back. Look—I know you wrote her for four weeks, but if she's up to it, would you consider returning her to duty sooner?"

"Let me look over her chart and talk with her more. That's all I can do."

"I'll take it. Thanks, Bones. Kirk out."

The Captain sat back in his chair. He hated this whole convention thing. He didn't have the knack for languages and knew very little about the social customs of other species. He was learning, however, with each new experience. But for this event, he would have to rely on his communications officer to make him look good. Uhura was perfect for this gig. He'd much rather have her take charge of it. He remembered her involvement in a lot of the Academy functions. She hosted several of the events during their senior year. He was told that she was even a member of the choir then. He tapped his fingers on his desk before making a call.

…

As Leonard McCoy sat himself down in his office chair, he entered the information in his PADD that would allow him access to Nyota Uhura's medical profile. He worked backwards starting with the most recent star date and ending with the first day she was diagnosed with the K flu. He pulled up her drug profile that listed the hypos and medications that she had received since being onboard the ship. All seemed to be in order, but why did he feel that something was amiss? Uhura seemed to be recovering from this at a phenomenal rate. He had seen patients who took two even three months sometimes to get over the virus, and that was with aggressive treatment. Perhaps he had misdiagnosed her. A feeling of dread overcame him and he was determined to find an answer to his confusion. He scrutinized the record once more.

He was surprised to read the nurses' entries of her status in the daily treatment log. Even in the early stages of the viral infection, Uhura's symptoms seemed to remain the same. He expected to see the onset of certain symptoms like loose bowels, night sweats, rash, hallucinations, and headaches to name a few. But, according to his PADD, the only thing that she really suffered from was constant vomiting which should have only lasted three days at best and a few minutes of sneezing. He was really confused now. The doctor leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. It had been a long day. After some time had passed, he lurched forward- the realization finally dawning upon him. Turning his attention back to his PADD, he entered the search criteria that would reveal the answers that he needed.

…..

Nyota stood in the corridor waiting for the turbo lift to take her to Sick Bay. She was curious about what the doctor needed to discuss with her although she had her suspicions. When she arrived, he was alone in his office. He summoned for her to sit while he pulled out a PADD. He placed it on the desk in front of him and leaned back in his chair.

"Lieutenant, I wanted to talk to you about your recovery. There's a ….problem."

Nyota sat up and braced herself. Whatever he was going to say to her, it wasn't going to be good, especially if it had to do with the flu.

"I don't understand, Dr. McCoy. You told me that I was looking better and better each day. I didn't even get half of the symptoms that you said I would. I would think that to be a good thing."

McCoy stared at her looking for something in her expression.

"Yes. Usually, that would be considered a good thing. Just one problem, though, you—"

"—I don't want to know," she said cutting him off.

Surprised at her outburst, McCoy continued, "You don't have the flu, Lieutenant."

"Yes. I know."

McCoy's eyes widened in surprise. He stared at her briefly before continuing.

"I was looking over your medical file. I know that you were given the vaccination for this virus while you were still at the Academy. Looks like you were offworld for some kind of trip and you had to get the vaccination before leaving. Do you remember that?"

"Vulcan….we…our class went to Vulcan in our second year during the summer. I know that we had a bunch of shots and had to go through a physical too. I'm sorry that I didn't recall getting the shots when I came in to see you a few weeks ago."

"Well, that was completely my mistake. I should've done a more thorough review of your records and performed a full examination. You were presenting exactly the same as the others….and…well, there is no excuse for a job poorly done…or not done at all. I failed to search for any hypos you may have been given prior to your reporting date. It isn't standard procedure at that point for a cadet to receive the series for the K flu, but once you've been vaccinated, you're immune."

The doctor paused for a moment as he looked up at the ceiling.

"Hell….I should've known better than that. Lieutenant, I apologize that I didn't catch this sooner."

His face was grave as he looked down at his PADD.

"I've already made the notations in your record and filed this incident in the medical logs. I'll need you to answer in kind so that we have an accurate record of what's happened here."

He slid the PADD across the desk to her. She looked down at it and read the screen.

"I don't know what you mean for me to do with this," she said shaking her head in confusion.

"It's procedure. This is considered negligent practice on my part. I failed to conduct the procedures to make a proper diagnosis. The write up requires your consent."

Nyota stared at him. He wanted her to sign a statement confirming that he was at fault for his misdiagnosis. She slid the PADD back to the doctor, shaking her head in rejection.

"I'm not signing this," she told him as she sat up straighter in her chair. She folded her hands on her lap to underscore her decision.

"Nyota, I appreciate the gesture, but it's standard procedure in this case-"

"—There's no harm done, Leonard. I'm fine."

"This isn't going to get me into any trouble, if that's what you're worried about. It's just paperwork for the logs documenting everything. If you wanted to take it another step further, you would have to file a complaint against me…..which you are well within your right to do. I want you to know that."

Nyota sighed and stretched her hand out toward the PADD.

"And this is really necessary?"

He nodded, sliding the PADD back toward her.

She grabbed the handheld and read over the contents again. She moved her fingers over its surface and slid it back to McCoy who gave it a once over and set it aside.

"Well, now that that little bit is over with-back to the issue at hand. You say you know…..is there something you want to tell me, Nyota?"

His use of her first name again made the tears form in her eyes. She knew what he was extending to her—his friendship. She didn't have to be afraid or ashamed here….not with him. He wanted her to trust him and she decided at that moment that she would….with everything.

Nyota looked around the room searching for words. In the end, she decided to just say it.

"I think I'm pregnant….Leonard."

He didn't say anything to her, choosing instead to look down at the floor in front of him. He put a hand up to his mouth wiping his palm over it.

"Do you want me to run some tests to make sure?" he finally responded.

Not meeting his eyes, Nyota replied, "Yes. I'd like that, please. Thank you..."

Her voice trailed off as the tears in her eyes threatened to escape. Leonard moved around the desk toward her and took her hands in his. When he spoke, his voice was gentle and caring.

"You are going to be alright. I'm right here and we'll work it out—me and you. It's not the end of the world….. okay?"

She nodded and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand.

They stepped into a secluded bay and Nyota laid on the biobed. He pulled out a medical tricorder from a small bag. He didn't say or ask her anything. He knew that she would divulge more when she was ready. When he passed the device over her abdomen, Nyota watched his face for signs confirming her suspicions. His hand stopped abruptly and his face registered surprise at the results he read coming from the small handheld unit. He put down the machine and crossed his hands.

"Well. You are pregnant….and it looks like you are about—"

"—No!" she yelled suddenly as she sat up straight.

When she realized that she had startled him, she relaxed her posture and offered an apology.

"I'm sorry, Leonard. That's all I need to know. For now, at least."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded her head.

"Please, don't tell anyone. I want this kept between us, okay?"

"Of course."

Nyota straightened her clothing and moved off of the biobed.

"I'm going to return you to duty. You feeling up to it?"

"I'd like that." She gave him a weak smile and left the bay.

…..


	19. Chapter 19 Proposition

When Nyota arrived at her quarters, she threw herself on her bed. She turned her head in the direction of her console. She found that the tiny indicator bulb was blinking, alerting her to a new incoming message. She slowly moved to clear it. She had no expectations that it would be from Spock. Ever since the Captain allowed her to patch messages through to New Vulcan using his signature, she had been receiving return messages telling her that they were unable to be relayed to the recipient. She had appreciated the favor, nonetheless, and agreed to take the lead in the planning and hosting of the upcoming convention.

She was still on convalescent leave, although McCoy had changed her status from confinement to quarters into restricted. This meant that she could at least meander about the ship for short periods at a time. She was grateful for the change. Paul came to see her as often as he could. The days that followed their union were uncomfortable. They did not speak about what had happened that night, and eventually, they were able to carry on as they had previously….or so it seemed. He was very careful to maintain the same teasing banter that they had always shared. She made sure to move conversation along the safest paths to avoid the mention of that night.

This arrangement was suitable for them. Pretending that the evening never occurred was proving to be an easy endeavor for them both. Paul wondered if fate would allow him a second chance at such a romance with her-perhaps when the timing was better and he felt more confident about himself. Nyota, on the other hand, preferred not to think about it at all. The guilt that always accompanied any thoughts of her being intimate with Paul just wasn't worth the energy and heartache. Even though she was certain that Spock would never come around, she was ashamed that she had been the first to succumb to infidelity. She dealt with her indiscretion by choosing to ignore it…except now, she couldn't.

Up until her recent meeting with Leonard, Nyota kept the hope that she was mistaken about her condition. She kept telling herself that she was just reacting to the guilt that she felt from having slept with Paul. She tried to convince herself that it was guilt-ridden imagination making her _think _that her breasts were sore, despite the fact that she could no longer tolerate wearing a brassiere; and that her guilty conscience was deceiving her into thinking that her belly had slightly expanded, even though her tops fit tighter and her pants no longer closed with ease—her body making its adjustments for the growth taking place inside of her. These things paired with the fact that she threw up like clockwork each and every time she awakened from long periods of sleep, vaulted her out of that sea of denial when she received the summons from the doctor to come and see her ASAP.

And now, here she was, standing in front of the console that would tell her for the sixth time that her message was 'unable to be relayed to the intended recipient'. She opened the console and sat listening to the familiar message. Tears stung her eyes but she let them come. This was going to be a very long night

….

McCoy attempted to enjoy his night of freedom. Tonight, Dr. Hill, an adjunct medical practitioner on his team was on and was given explicit instructions not to contact McCoy unless the ship was under attack. He was tired. Tomorrow was his first day off in God knows how long, and he wasn't going to let anything ruin it. He lay back in his easy chair- the only luxury that he absolutely insisted had to be brought on board. The maintenance department did not approve- something about it being 'too damn large' and 'bulky' and 'over the weight restrictions'. However , when they realized that it was a request from the Chief Medical Officer , they soon dismissed the minor details and had it in place and even reclined to his desired angle before he even set foot into his quarters…..rank had its privileges. The music selection that he requested from the computer began to stream through the speakers. He closed his eyes. He contemplated getting up and pouring himself a snifter of brandy when his thoughts suddenly shifted to Uhura. He couldn't enjoy this evening with all these questions still unanswered. He began to search for reasons why things had occurred the way they had.

_How in the hell did I make this mistake? _

_Why didn't the tricorder pick up her pregnancy when I scanned her?_

He started to thrum his fingers on the arms of the chair. He mentally went over the day that Uhura came in to see him after the sick were quarantined at space dock. He couldn't note anything out of the ordinary. Nothing jumped out at him. The procedure had been standard- her symptoms were indicative. He cycled through his thoughts over and over again. After some time, he opened his eyes suddenly and the thrumming of his fingers halted.

"Spock!"

….

In Medical Bay Main, Dr. McCoy breezed into the main lobby and headed directly to the supply center behind the closed double doors at the end of the hall. Nurses Chapel and Collard were at the main station talking with Dr. Hill. They all turned their heads and stared at McCoy, wondering what he was doing there on his night off. After the doctor disappeared into the hallway, they turned and resumed their conversation.

McCoy pulled out his PADD and set it on a nearby counter. He began to pull all of the handheld tricorders out of the cabinet and remove them from their power docking stations. He lined them all up in a row onto the counter, arranging them so that their serial numbers could be easily identified. In his PADD he searched for the logs that contained the shipment information from StarBase 11. He found a list of the items that were recalibrated by Spock and set those units to one side. He separated the rest of the equipment in order of their repair dates and times. After a few more minutes and more detective work, McCoy was able to find the unit that he used the morning that Uhura came in with the supposed K flu. He learned that it was one that Spock had started to work on, but somehow did not finish. It was unlike the Vulcan to leave a task undone, so he called Nurse Chapel in to speak with her.

"Christine, do you remember when Spock was recalibrating the tricorders that had come in from Starbase 11 a couple of months back?"

Chapel looked up at him, her brows furrowed as she tried to think of why he was asking her this.

"Well, sure. What about it?"

"I think that one of the miscalibrated units were accidently used on a patient. I need to get to the bottom of this pretty soon…do you remember talking with Spock?"

"Uh, yes…my God, Leonard, which patient?"

"That's not important, Nurse. Do you remember if he finished the repairs, or did he leave suddenly?"

Chapel looked at the wall behind him. She did remember everything that happened that night. It was the night after Paul's welcoming celebration. She had found Spock in the supply room after all of the alpha shift had gone and tried to offer herself to him. She felt her cheeks grow warm at the memory…..

"Commander, I'd like to apologize for my behavior last night"

Spock was disassembling the husk of a medical tricorder and making notations on his PADD. He gave no response to the apology. Nurse Chapel moved behind him and stood close to his side. She was attempting to make eye contact, but his eyes remained fixed on the work before him. She reached out her hand in a bold move and laid it on his. He froze in surprise. She lowered the machine in his hand onto the counter and moved her hand slowly up his forearm before finally removing it.

"Nurse Chapel, I do not understand your need to offer an apology. I believe, as you humans say, a 'good time' was had by all."

He picked up the tricorder parts and continued working.

Christine chuckled softly. "Well, I'm sure some had a better time than others, Mr. Spock. I'm apologizing for my public displays of….affection."

He gave no response.

"I know that that is not your way…..But what I can't believe…what I don't believe is that you don't crave it just the same."

Her voice was low and sultry as she watched for a change in his expression. She found none. She continued on.

"I don't expect you to do or say anything right now, Spock. But I want you to know that I understand you. I know that you are aware of my fondness for you. I also know that you _were_ in a sort of ….relationship with Lt. Uhura." She waited for an answer. He gave none.

" I imagine that being romantically involved with such an emotional woman can be stressful at times, would you agree?"

Again, nothing.

"Well…. let me just offer this. I _am not _looking for emotional attachments, Mr. Spock. I, too, find them to be tedious and at times, frustrating…However, I would not be very truthful if I said that I did not miss the very pleasant and plentiful benefits of a physical relationship with a man."

She let that one hang in the air.

"Oh…what I guess I'm trying to say, Mr. Spock, is that I would not be averse to being called upon should you _ever_ need…relief…from stress or if you just needed a release of some sort….I am here for you…and you need not ever worry about entanglements. The arrangement is most….logical. Is it not?"

She gave him a look that she supposed was sexy. He wasn't looking at her, though. He was stunned at her offer of her body for his recreational use. He did know that she was fond of him, but never desired to do anything about it. It wasn't that he thought her unattractive- she had average looks and her mind was quick and brilliant, but she could never fascinate him in the way that Nyota did. He was absolutely enchanted by the lieutenant, and had Chapel known of their intense love making the night before, she would have, no doubt, thought twice about trying to proposition him. It was clear that he was not interested.

She looked at him, longingly. Again, she placed her hand on his forearm and began to stroke him.

"Do you understand, Mr. Spock?" she whispered.

Spock froze but kept his eyes trained on his work. She shifted her body in the attempt to wedge it between his body and the counter. She was only partially successful when he finally turned to her.

"Nurse, I believe that it would be best if you leave now."

"That wouldn't be best for me, Spock," she answered, her hands now on his chest.

"_I_ want you to leave now," he said-his voice cool and steady.

He made no effort to move her which Chapel mistook to be approval of her actions.

"I don't believe you."

She smiled and reached her hands up to cup his face. As she did this, Spock grabbed her wrists and repeated his request one last time.

"Please go, Nurse Chapel."

She gasped in delight when he grabbed her and felt a surge of excitement spike through her body. He let go of her and left the room, leaving the reassembled piece of equipment behind on the counter.

….

She recalled the memory in an instant and just as quickly snapped her attention back to McCoy.

"Do you remember if he finished the repairs, or did he leave suddenly?"

"He left rather abruptly," she told him.

McCoy picked the tricorder up and examined it.

"It must have gotten shelved with the rest of the other instruments," he said to himself.

"Excuse me, Doctor?"

McCoy straightened as he snapped out of his thoughts.

"Well, I don't know what was going through that robot mind of his for him to just leave like that, but in this case, I'm glad to hear it. Thank you, Christine. I think I've got what I'm looking for."

He took the tricorder back to his quarters. Satisfied with his discovery, he fell down into his recliner and propped up his feet. He would finish up with Nyota's report in the morning and notify her of what had happened.

He thought about Nyota again and her baby.

_Nyota's going to be a mother. _

It was the last thing that he expected from the lieutenant. He didn't see her as irresponsible, but actually quite the opposite. He always felt that she was a bit over cautious and way too serious for her age. He tried to imagine her as a mother, but the image was all wrong. He would always see her as a highly competent career officer and not much else. He thought of Spock and how she was a lot like him in many ways. He still didn't think that they were good for each other, although the more he thought about it, he couldn't really offer any reasons as to why he felt this way.

Thinking of Spock led him to thinking about Dr. Mbenga and he made a mental note to contact the specialist in the morning. He would need a lot of his help if he were going to be treating a pregnancy in which one parent is Vulcan. He closed his eyes and tried to think of anything else that he might be missing or accidentally glossing over. He could think of nothing at the moment, and so decided to pour himself that snifter of brandy after all.

…..

Nurse Chapel made sure that no one was around as she read the information on Nyota Uhura on her PADD. She wouldn't be able to access anything that McCoy was working on earlier this evening, but she could make sure that she had covered her tracks. She read over her nurse's notes on the daily logs. She didn't want to make a mistake. Doctor McCoy was going to be dragged into this mess if she didn't set things straight. The doctor had been a dear friend and mentor to her for a long time and was even responsible for her assignment on the Enterprise. She would never do anything or allow anyone else to do anything to jeopardize his career. She would make certain of that. She read through the files again a third time. All the drug administrations were legitimate and posed no harm to Nyota….or her baby.

Chapel discovered Uhura's pregnancy first. It had only been one week after she was confined to quarters when the usual pregnancy symptoms became obvious. The first tell was the hard ball-like mass that was palpable in her lower abdomen. She had performed dozens of examinations on the lieutenant and knew when the significant change had occurred. Nyota was sleeping constantly, even though her medications included several types of histamines and supplemental vitamins and minerals, and a few times when she was given a potent pain reliever. She vomited daily and presented with no additional symptoms of the flu.

The experienced nurse quickly put everything together during her constant observations and confirmed her diagnosis with a simple sweep of her tricorder one afternoon as Nyota slept. At first, she wondered why McCoy had missed the diagnosis, but when Uhura's pregnancy became evident to her, she quickly made the changes to her treatment plan. She omitted the more potent meds from her schedule and injected her with additional mineral supplements instead. She made these changes for Uhura, not out of any heartfelt friendship for the woman, but because she was first and above all, a medical professional.

However, in opposition, she had been guilty of a few things that may not necessarily be seen as professional by Starfleet standards. She did not report her patient's newfound condition to the doctor, nor did she note it in the logs. The worst thing of all was that she did not even tell her patient. This last offense would surely get her booted from not only Starfleet, but the medical profession as well.

As she typed her queries, she berated herself under her breath. How could she have been so stupid? She had been involved in personal conflicts with others before, but it never leached into her professional role as a nurse. She was feeling regret about how she handled this situation and desperately searched her screen for any tell to her deception.

…


	20. Chapter 20 Transmissions

"You have to make sure that the tests are run in that order, Leonard. Please let me know as soon as you get the results. Mbenga out."

Dr. McCoy entered the lab tests into his medical unit. He contacted Uhura on the bridge and ordered her to come to Sick Bay as soon as her shift ended. She reluctantly agreed and he went about the task of setting up the battery of test that he would perform on her. He transcribed the conversation that he had had with Dr. Mbenga earlier on his PADD. On the top of the list of concerns for Nyota and her baby was genetic pairing.

Dr. Mbenga was a human specialist who had worked extensively on Vulcan anatomy. Hailed as one of the most experienced Vulcan specialist in the federation, Mbenga was well received in both the Vulcan and the Terran medical communities. Dr. McCoy was more than thrilled that he would be serving with him aboard the Enterprise after the completion of his current teaching term at the Medical Health and Sciences division at the Academy.

McCoy set his work aside when he received a message on his PADD. When he finished reading the information, he furrowed his brow and frowned. Captain Kirk had sent him more information about the interspecies world convention that was to be hosted on the ship. He learned that Uhura would be hosting the event alongside the Captain. She would also serve as translator for the Captain's address. McCoy was dismayed to learn of his role in the affair. Senior medical figures from different worlds were going to be in attendance and he was responsible for touring them around the medical facilities. While he was annoyed at the work that lay ahead of him, he knew that it was for a good cause. All of this fuss was being made to promote Starfleet and create interest in joining the Federation in its exploration and unification efforts.

He sighed in defeat and put away his PADD. He wondered about Spock. Why hasn't he heard from him? The lab test called for the genetic information of both parents to be tested in order to gain accurate results. He didn't want to use the information banks to retrieve the information on Spock in case some new pathogens or allergens were present in his system now as a result of living on New Vulcan for so long. Spock was gone nearly two months now and even though he had a fairly large window in which to use his blood for testing against Nyota's and the baby's, he wanted to get his DNA as soon as possible. He contacted Kirk to see about New Vulcan's protocol for receiving communications.

"McCoy to Kirk"

"Yes, Bones….what can I do for you?"

"Say, Jim, can you talk privately?"

"Shoot."

"I wanted to ask you about Spock….have you heard from him?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"There's a matter I need to discuss with him. Is there a way to get a message out to him?"

"Uhh….there used to be, but I hear from Uhura that they're having some problems out there. Her messages aren't able to be delivered. Why? What did you need with him?"

"Is there any other way I can get a message out to him?"

"I'll get Uhura on it. I'll let you know what's up. Why do you need Spock? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Jim….just personal medical stuff. Remember HIPAA?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Let me know as soon as you get anything. McCoy out."

….

Nyota debated whether she would allow McCoy to give her more specifics about her pregnancy. She had not stopped to truly think about the implications of being pregnant. The sorrow that this brought to her was too much to bear. Besides, the fetus was giving her a horrible time- always insinuating itself into her daily routine by forcing her to run to the latrine at every turn and making her tired and edgy to the point where others were beginning to notice. She spent the majority of her time at work or planning the upcoming convention. It was a big affair and she wanted things to be perfect.

She yawned again and felt the burden of the day spread throughout her shoulders and in her back. She closed her eyes, relaxing her mind as she waited for McCoy to return with news.

"Well," said the doctor as he rounded the corner, "It's gonna be a while until we get some results on the majority of the tests, but you can go now."

Nyota sat up and swung her feet around the edge of the biobed. She stared at the doctor in silence, waiting for him to say more. When it was apparent to her that there was no more information forthcoming, she straightened and began to look about the room nervously.

"Is there anything else you wanted to talk about ,Lieutenant?" asked the doctor

"Um…I just wondered…"

"You ready, now?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"A few things, Leonard. Just the basics. Okay?"

He nodded.

"Well, I'm not sure if the basics are the same to you as they are to me, so we'll just do this…..I'll ask and you let me know yay or nay."

She nodded in agreement.

"Do you want to know how far along you are?"

He waited for her answer which came in the form of another silent nod.

"You are about twelve weeks and one day, today. Do you want to know wh—"

"—That's plenty, Doctor. Thank you." she replied, abruptly changing her mind.

She slid off the bed and turned her back toward him. Tugging at the side straps of her gown, she slipped the garment off and quickly donned her uniform. McCoy turned his back to let her dress.

"Nyota, if you ever need to talk about any-"

"—Thank you, Leonard. I appreciate it. Right now, I'm just trying to reach Spock."

Her mention of Spock jogged McCoy's memory about sending transmissions to New Vulcan. He inquired with Nyota regarding her efforts.

"None. I can't seem to get any messages to go all the way through. Something must be wrong with the systems down there- I don't know."

Realization dawned on her and she quickly spun around to confront him.

"You aren't trying to get in touch with him, are you?" she said accusingly.

He turned to face her. He put one hand on the bed and swiped his forehead with the other.

Nervously, he said "Look, Nyota….I don't know what's happening with you and Spock—and it's none of my business. But, this baby's health _is_ my business and I need to get some of Spock's blood in order to properly conduct all the tests I just ran on you."

Nyota shook her head from side to side. He continued cautiously.

"I don't need it now…not right now. I have about two weeks before I need to enter his codes…but I can't wait much longer than that."

"Don't you have them in his file? Couldn't you just enter it from that?"

"No. I need new, current samples…something alive….just to make absolutely sure. This isn't a typical pregnancy, Nyota…you had to expect this…"

She sighed and grabbed her PADD.

"Let me try to find him, okay? Please don't tell him anything until I've talked with him."

"Absolutely."

She exited Sick Bay and headed for the Mess. She was famished.

….

Nurse Chapel was no closer to finding out about Nyota's baby than she was two weeks ago when she had seen Dr. McCoy storming into Sick Bay looking for bad tricorders. How could she find out who the baby's father was? There was nothing in her file that would indicate who it could be. She wasn't even sure if the lieutenant had had intercourse with both males. She had to know, however, and she spent her lunch break in the mess hall pondering a solution.

Looking up from her tray, Chapel noticed Janice Rand entering the dining hall. She immediately perked up as she realized the opportunity that Rand's arrival presented. She knew that she was close friends with Uhura. Surely, she would have told her close friend of any physical relationships that she was involved in—perhaps brag about the spicy details of their sexual activities and so forth. As she watched the yeoman move through the line, she thought of how to approach her and get the information that she wanted- no, needed. She waited patiently until she saw Janice set her tray down on a table that was, fortunately, unoccupied. She picked her own tray up and walked over to her.

"Do you mind if I join you?" she smiled.

Janice looked up at the nurse. She never had a reason to ever speak to Chapel in the past, and Rand was genuinely puzzled with her friendliness.

"Uh…no, go ahead."

Janice gestured for her to sit down across from her and slid her tray over to make more room.

"You're probably wondering why I came to see you." Chapel started.

Janice chewed her food slowly before finally responding.

"_You mean it wasn't my perky rack and rock hard ass that lured you over here?"_

She wanted to quip with that, but held back. Chapel still out-ranked her and she made sure not to get too smart with the flaky nurse.

Instead, she asked, "Is there something wrong with Nyota—uh, Lt. Uhura?"

"Well, no actually. Although this is about her….in a way…more specifically, this is about her and Cmdr Jess."

Rand set her sandwich down on her plate and looked directly at Chapel.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Chapel smiled. She's covering for her friend. Adorable.

"It isn't bad, Yeoman. In fact, it's a little embarrassing- for me. You see, I'm interested in asking the commander to accompany me on a social outing. I noticed that he has a….special…friendship with Lt. Uhura and I didn't want to intrude on anything serious between them."

She sounded so sincere and polite and Rand made sure to tell her so.

"That's very thoughtful and considerate of you, Nurse. Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you asking _me_?"

"I just thought that being her best friend aboard this ship, you would know if she and the commander were involved.. romantically. I ask you because I'm too bashful to ask the commander and I didn't want to offend Nyota. I have nothing but the utmost respect for her and I really don't want to get in the way."

"Then don't." Janice barked the comment, her voice completely devoid of any respect.

"Nurse Chapel, I think that if you wanted to really know what was up with Uhura and Jess, you should just ask her…or him. I don't know anything. I'm sorry I can't help you."

And with that, she picked up her tray and left.

Offended, Chapel gathered her plate and glass and started to put them on her tray when she felt the presence of another standing behind her. She turned around to find Cmdr Jess holding a tray full of food. He used one foot to slide a chair out from under the table. Smiling, he asked her if he could sit down. She was more than happy to oblige and helped him by grabbing an edge of his tray and setting it onto the table.

…

Paul sat in his quarters tapping his finger against his chin. He was sitting in front of his console preparing to contact his captain aboard the Lexington. He pondered how he would word his request to be transferred to the Enterprise. Should he quote that there was a 'situation' that required his full-time attention? Perhaps he could simply say that a personal matter required his presence here. Whatever he came up with, it had better sound damn good. His captain was very much a no-nonsense type of officer. He commanded and demanded and never requested of his subordinates. He lacked the tack and sensitivity that Kirk had, but he was an exceptional leader just the same.

Nurse Chapel had informed him of some very important news that afternoon in the mess hall. She hadn't really said anything as much as she implied it—very strongly. Jess was not a stupid man, and he was generally, an excellent judge of character. So when Chapel had told him that Nyota had life altering news to tell him, he feared that it had something to do with her recovery from the flu. He asked his questions, but as the conversation played out, it was evident that the nurse was talking about something completely different than what he was thinking. She had said things like 'worried about her eating habits now more than ever before'. But why did she seem so concerned about this _now? _ She had also mentioned that 'Nyota needed to come in to see Dr. McCoy more often so that he could make sure that _they_ were healthy'. Who was they?

In the end, Paul wondered why Chapel was even telling him all of this. Wasn't the revealing of another's medical information considered a violation of health privacy practices? He continued to ponder her actions when he suddenly understood what she was trying to tell him. The revelation nearly made him choke on his food, and she had to ask him repeatedly if he was okay.

The reason for her evasive conduct, her ever-so-subtle shifts in conversation away from their night together, and her quick words encouraging him to seek his career goals once he returned to the Lexington all made sense to him now. He knew from his short time spent with Nyota that she was a very proud and capable officer. She took her position in Starfleet very seriously and had no goals to 'become a domestic in a house somewhere far from the stars' – as she had put it. If she were pregnant, she wouldn't want to be forced to make that sudden change. Perhaps, she wasn't ready to commit to a monogamous relationship and now feared the pressure of doing so with her baby's father. Paul didn't know what to do. If Nyota was pregnant, how could he convince her that he could be- would be a capable father….and maybe eventually, gradually she could learn to love him. Maybe she would try to love him at first for the sake of their child. That would be just fine with him. Hell, he didn't care how she got there- he would just make sure to do everything in his power to keep her. He needed a chance to prove himself to her. …and this was it.

…..

One week passed and Nyota still received no messages from Spock. Another week went by without word from the Vulcan and Dr. McCoy was leaving messages for her both at her communications console on the bridge and on her personal console in her quarters. He wanted to know 'where in the hell is that pointy-eared robot' and 'why in the hell won't he contact the Enterprise, damnit'. This was beginning to wear on Nyota's nerves and she made a promise to herself that she would ring his neck the next time he bugged her.

Between her meetings with the small planning committee that she put together for the convention and her work on the bridge, she met with Paul in her quarters. Some nights, they would go to the dining hall for dinner and other evenings were spent walking the ship engaged in conversation. The latter started to become strange to Nyota. Paul seemed to want to talk all the time. At first, the discussions were about their histories. He told her more about his family and asked her many questions about hers. She was always reluctant to talk about her family on Earth and shifted topics to avoid giving the details. This was enough to pacify him for the first few times, but after a while, he grew more curious and pursued the answers more persistently.

One night, as Paul's questions seemed to go on and on, Nyota suggested that they end their evening early. She offered him the excuse of being tired and she could see by his expression, that he wasn't too pleased with it. As they walked to her quarters, he asked her a question that made her stop in her tracks.

" Have you ever thought of being a mother?" He watched her face closely.

Nyota jerked her head toward Paul. She waited a moment before tilting her head to the side and narrowing her eyes at him.

"Wha…why do you ask?" she tried to reply casually.

He turned his body to face hers. They stood in the middle of the corridor to Nyota's cabin. He paused briefly before responding, not knowing what to offer as a reason.

"I was just curious," he said averting his eyes to the door behind her, "I mean…you're a young and healthy female and in my experience, many women often think of a time in their futures when they want to have children."

Her eyes remained fixed upon him. She raised an eyebrow. As she turned her body slowly in the direction they were traveling, she spoke with forced ease.

"I've thought about it once or twice. I suppose…like you said, all women do."

She shrugged her shoulders as if the topic of their discussion had no effect on her.

"I said _most _women do—not all. Some women don't want children at all. They're too wrapped up in their careers."

Nyota stopped abruptly once again.

"So…these women that are 'too wrapped up in their careers'…are you saying that they can't be mothers?"

Her question carried a defensive tone and she stared at him, daring him to say something stupid. She was already a little edgy when they began their evening together and she decided now that she wasn't too tired for an argument.

He relaxed his posture and neck, allowing his head to lull back.

"See…I didn't mean it like that. All I'm saying is that women who are too seriously involved with their work or jobs aren't really interested in having children. Again, that has been my experience. I can only speak on what I have experienced."

"So, am _I _part of your "experience", then?"

Paul sighed. This wasn't the direction he wanted the conversation to go.

"Nyota—I'm just asking you. This is a part of you that I don't know about. I'm trying to know you."

Nyota softly sighed, letting it rest.

"I'm sorry, Paul. I know you don't mean anything by it." She adjusted her blouse. "So, to answer your question…I do want kids someday."

She continued walking and Paul felt the tension in him ease until…

"But not right now. There'd be no way," said Nyota suddenly.

She was looking down at her boots as she walked and he couldn't see the expression on her face.

He felt a knot in his stomach beginning to form. He had hoped that this line of questioning would be the opening to the more serious discussion that they desperately needed to have. He was trying to offer her the opportunity to tell him about her pregnancy, but she refused to take it. She seemed to be going out of her way to avoid it.

"Why not now?" he asked her in the attempt to recover the conversation.

"Because my career is just taking off. Most importantly, I haven't had enough life experience to raise a baby. I'd be …..completely at a loss of what to do."

"Well, what if you had tremendous help and support from the baby's father? Surely, you'd be okay then."

Nyota couldn't help the small snort of disbelief that escaped her. She answered with a heavy sigh.

"I'm sure a lot of men aren't as enthusiastic to be fathers when it isn't on _their_ terms….or timetable," she answered matter-of-factly.

He surprised her then as he took both of her hands into his and looked at her with solemn intent.

"I can't imagine a man who would deny a child that he fathered with you, Nyota."

His voice was soft and his eyes carried a hint of….worry-was it?

"I'd be right there….every step of the way. I would kill at the chance to be father to your children."

Nyota didn't know what to say to his comment. She felt uneasy about the subject and Paul had taken their discussion to a place where she never thought that it would go. They were just friends after all, despite the irrevocable mistake that they both made many nights ago. She had always had the impression that he knew this. He certainly behaved that way in the days that followed that night. Not knowing what else to counter with, she decided to use the classic kiss off.

"It's really late, Paul," she said, her voice pleading. "I think I'd better turn in. I do have a lot to do tomorrow."

She hurried the last few steps down the hall to her quarters. He trailed behind her.

At the end of the hallway behind the spot where the couple talked, Christine rounded the corner and headed down the hall to her room.

…..

In his quarters, Paul closed his eyes and thought of Nyota. He replayed their conversation in his mind. She became defensive when he mentioned that bit about career women being uninterested in motherhood. In his heart, hope flickered as he watched her response to his declaration that he'd never leave her. He was sure that she understood. Sure, it was under 'supposed' spoken circumstances and they were _both_ speaking in theoretical terms; but he was certain that she understood fully what he was implying. Sleep took over him after a while and he slept the entire night fully clothed in his sitting area.

….

On New Vulcan, Spock sat, his fingers steepled and his mind in deep meditation. He had received yet another communication from the Enterprise this afternoon. Normally, he would have answered the summons and gone about his day. Since learning of the Captain's offer to Nyota to send personal transmissions using his identification, Spock had no choice but to send all messages back unanswered and unopened. His mind was beginning to clutter with unnecessary thoughts. He quickly brought it back to its proper state of tranquility.

The past few months on New Vulcan had been life changing for Spock. He had settled into a daily routine right away, despite the many challenges that faced him. Among those were his wandering thoughts of the Enterprise and his longing for Nyota's company. He never thought that he would find the ability to ease his mind sufficiently to allow him to fulfill his duties to the colony. But the presence of so many Vulcans and the much wiser and more powerful Elders around him forced him to utilize the discipline that he had tried to master as a child on his former planet. The loneliness that plagued him as a result was more than he could stand some evenings. To quell his despair, he turned to deep meditation. Every morning, afternoon, and evening he made certain to engage in deep meditation. Even during these times, in the meditative stages of self reflection, he was unable to escape his deepest thoughts.

Since Spock's full-time involvement with the colony on New Vulcan, many positive changes have taken place. Hundreds of homes have been erected and an irrigation system put in place in the grain fields throughout the undeveloped parts of the land. He was able to assist in the classification of over two thousand species of animal life so far and has established a protocol for the preservation of the planet's more unstable animal and plant populations. While these were undoubtedly noteworthy accomplishments, Spock dismissed them with ease as he knew the ultimate test to his loyalty to the Vulcan race awaited him.


	21. Chapter 21 Preparations

"Thank you so much Lieutenant. I can't tell you how pleased I am with the accommodations for our guests here." Kirk smiled at Uhura.

He was in awe at the decorations in the grand conference hall. Uhura had spent weeks putting together a crew to get the place ready and it was a sight to behold. One wall of the sizeable conference room had been removed to join it with the larger auditorium that was located next door. All of the furniture had been replaced with large buffet tables and a bar was put in place. The menu was as varied as the guests attending.

In the auditorium, the tandem lecture seats were covered with elegant silken fabrics and the walls were tastefully adorned with pieces of subtle artwork from artisans of different world cultures. Uhura had invited some of the most talented musicians to perform and they would be arriving later that morning.

Nyota had written the Captain's speeches weeks in advance and she pursued him relentlessly until he finally gave in and practiced it with her over and over again. Today, she had forced him to go over it one last time 'just to make sure it's perfect' and refused to stop following behind him until he agreed.

All of the bases were covered and she was more than ready to put on the show. She smiled, pleased at what she saw. Things had gone so smoothly in the planning of the convention and she was feeling optimistic about meeting all of the guests tomorrow evening. She was scheduled to give a speech after the Captain's welcome and midway through the night, assist him on his address regarding interworld relations.

After all of the speakers have finished, the evening would commence to the buffet lounge where eating, socializing and entertainment would take place. This is the part that she was going to enjoy the most. She would be able to really utilize her linguistic abilities then and was anxious to learn even more about the different cultures that would be present.

The Captain insisted that Uhura entertain them all with a song. He remembered all of the compliments that people made after some of her performances at the Academy, and thought it a novel idea if she would perform. Nyota emphatically declined. She did not want more attention than she already would be getting that night. Hundreds of pairs of eyes would be set on her for the majority of the evening. Assisting Kirk as his translator and consultant, she knew that she would constantly be in the spotlight.

She thought briefly of her abdomen and felt suddenly self-conscious about her appearance. She wondered if the small bulge in her belly was noticeable by others. She hadn't received any comments regarding her gradually widening girth, but it was getting more difficult to conceal things under her tunic these days.

She returned to her quarters and tugged off her boots. The damn things were getting tighter by the day and she wondered how much longer she could keep things a secret. She stretched out her feet and fanned out her toes as she opened her PADD to make some last minute notes regarding the next night's festivities.

From the corner of her eye, she noticed a message waiting for her on her console. Curious and a little excited, she went to the unit and entered her information. On the screen, she saw Paul's face. It was solemn and tired. He informed her that his father finally passed away that afternoon and that the memorial and funeral were to be held within the next two days. He would not be back on the Enterprise in time for the convention.

Nyota sighed heavily. She wasn't concerned about his absence from the convention, but felt deep sympathy for her friend as she knew that he had been worried about his ailing father for some time now. She couldn't believe that he had been gone for two weeks already and noted how drained of color and energy his face appeared. She could tell that he hadn't been sleeping. She whispered a quick prayer for him and his departed father before closing the communication.

Hearing the news from Paul made her think of her parents. The memories surrounding the tragic accident that claimed them both rushed back to her in a sudden flash, and the thoughts made her stomach turn. Thinking that she would vomit, she rushed into her bathroom and stood over the sink basin and waited. When she was certain that all was well, she exited and sat on her bed.

A few minutes passed and Nyota returned to her PADD . When she opened her calendar, she saw the notations that she had made after her last check up with Dr. McCoy. He examined her in Sick Bay on the day that Paul left for Earth nearly two weeks ago. When Nyota told McCoy about her failure to reach Spock, he had no choice but to enter Spock's medical information from his file. The first set of tests were inconclusive, a result that the doctor was not happy about. Today, he was going to rescan and resubmit the information in the attempt to gain more accurate results.

She closed her PADD and reported to Sick Bay.

….

"You're going on fifteen weeks, now Nyota. I need you to get a little more serious about things. It's past time, don't you think?" McCoy said to her upon closing the bay doors.

"Leonard, I know-"

"-Look. I know you're having a hard time with Spock right now, but that's no reason to neglect _your _responsibilities to yourself or your baby. Now….I'm gonna tell you things that you don't want to hear, but it's damn time that you handle things like the capable woman I know you to be."

Nyota sat on the biobed startled at the way the doctor began their appointment. She had already made up her mind days ago to get her head on straight and finally started to sort through the mess that was her life. She was not in denial about things, instead she chose to slink away from the pain that she knew she had to face. The baby growing inside of her made her think of Spock and she knew that as long as she lived, she could never escape him. This was something that she feared the most. But now, she had a new outlook on things. While she still felt despair at her failed relationship, she felt somehow renewed at the prospect of motherhood and even began to read medical material about pregnancy and childbirth. She wanted to tell the doctor of her newfound lease on life, but at the moment, he was intent on lecturing her.

She sighed as the doctor continued his tirade.

"You're lucky that things went as well as they have. I am surprised that the kid is as healthy as it is right now- what with you walking around brooding instead of preparing your child for birth. Do you even know what you're going to do when you get too big to bounce about the bridge? Have you given any thought to the birth or what you'll do afterward?...C'mon, Lieutenant.."

When he finally stopped to take a breath, she quickly interjected.

"Leonard. I hear what you're saying, okay? You're right….absolutely right. I have been a child and it's high time I grew up. I'm getting better every day. …and yes, I have given a lot of thought about the future. But I'm going to need your help, Doctor."

McCoy relaxed his shoulders. He was clearly ready for a verbal duel with her. He let out a small sigh of relief.

"Of course you have my help, Nyota. Now – let's get down to business."

He gestured for her to lie on her back and stepped closer to her. Before she moved, she raised her hand and placed it on his forearm.

"I want to talk first, Leonard. Is that okay?"

He nodded and put his instruments down on the tray table beside him. Pulling up a stool, he sat with his hands in his lap and waited for her.

She took in a deep breath.

"Okay. I am concerned about my privacy. I don't want to give birth on the ship."

He nodded slowly.

She continued. "I was thinking….I have a ton of leave that I can take. I know that Lt. Hawkins has been dying to get a chance to work the bridge and pending approval from the Captain, I think that he can pull his own."

She stopped to watch his reaction. He nodded again.

"Well, I'm going to put in for eight weeks of leave to go home."

McCoy thought for a second before he spoke.

"Hmmm. I don't understand exactly what you want. Taking leave's great, Nyota, but that's only two months and you'll be as big as a small planet at seven months…no offense. If you want to keep everything a secret, you'll have to do better than that."

He gestured with his chin to her belly. She nodded her head as if to let him know that she knew how incredulous this was all sounding.

"Okay. _I _have two months, but you….well you could write me for more….bed rest, right?" Her voice grew smaller as she asked the favor and looked at the doctor apologetically.

"I see. You want me to tell Jim to let you off for another, what—two months? Three?...Oh boy."

He let out a deep sigh. "I don't know if I can do that, Nyota. I have no medical reason to give you bed rest. I don't even know what I'd tell him. Besides, I've already misdiagnosed you…."

"Leonard. Please. Please, Leonard. I really need this. I've already started working with Hawkins to get him up to speed with things on the bridge. I just….I can't be here on the ship during all of ….this"

She looked and sounded desperate, she knew, but she couldn't do things her way if she didn't have his help. She had things already planned out. She was going to leave in another few weeks when she couldn't hide her expanding belly any longer and request to take the entire amount of leave days she had combined with the time that McCoy would write for her….._if_ he would write them for her. She would stay in her family home in Kenya and await the arrival of her baby. It seemed like a great plan when she was putting it together. The Captain granted Spock certain dispensation to be absent from the Enterprise and she didn't see why he wouldn't grant the same for her. Granted, the circumstances were vastly different, but she could argue to McCoy that a starship was not a safe place for a pregnant woman to live on and the Enterprise lacked the necessary accommodations for the care of an infant.

She made her case to him. She had done her homework regarding the capabilities of the medical facilities. He still argued against it.

"That all sounds great, Lieutenant, but you make Medical Bay sound like some high school nurse's office. I do have more than alcohol pads and oral thermometers in my cabinets, you know. I think we're more than equipped to handle a pregnancy….matter of fact, I _know_ we are."

"I didn't mean it like that, Len. I know you are capable and I know that the Bay is adequate, but the Captain doesn't really know that now, does he?"

He looked at her with an exaggerated frown on his face.

"So….are you telling me that the Captain knows?"

She looked away.

"Uh…no. Not yet. I wanted to talk with you first before letting him know. You should understand that I am a little…..reluctant for even him to know about it…so this is a big deal to me."

He did know it was a big deal to her. He knew how much she had wanted to live up to the standards that everyone expected from her. He also suspected that she was a little embarrassed at the implications that an unplanned pregnancy posed on her reputation and career, although he would never mention that to her. And then there was Spock to consider. He was achingly loyal to his duties and McCoy wasn't sure how he would accept a child being added to his already permanently altered life. He sighed at it all.

"Alright. This is crazy, but I'll write you for whatever you need to cover time off the ship provided that I can somehow justify it-But….you have to let the Captain know everything. Tell him about Spock and your plans. And, Nyota….he'll want to know what you plan on doing after the baby's birth."

He raised an eyebrow at her, waiting for the answer that he himself was wondering as well.

"I plan on staying with the baby for as long as Starfleet lets me….isn't it something like forty-two days?"

"It's exactly 'something like forty-two days', Lieutenant. I'm talking about _after _that. Is this goodbye to the talented and very valued Lieutenant Uhura? _That's_ what I'm talking about."

She started to fidget with the hem of her gown. She was wondering herself what would happen after everything was said and done. When she looked up at him, the expression on her face told McCoy what he had wanted to know.

_Poor kid, _he thought. He let the conversation end there and asked her to lie still as he scanned her with his tricorder.

…..

The morning of the conference had come quickly. Nyota was, of course, excited that the day had finally come. She took such pride in her work and looked forward to meeting everyone soon. She awoke the usual way- stumbling out of bed, going straight to the toilet or sink basin, and depositing the previous night's dinner into it. She showered and finished her hygiene ritual. In one hour's time, she was on the bridge and speaking to the Captain about the musicians and the remaining caterers that were preparing to beam aboard the ship.

As they both walked to the lecture auditorium, Kirk turned to her.

"Uhura…I just wanted to say thanks again for all of your help. I don't know what I'd do without you. I owe you …_a lot_, so if there's anything I can do for you….you just say the word."

Uhura gave him a nervous half-smile.

"It was my pleasure, Captain…..and….I might be taking you up on that offer."

He smiled widely at her and spread his arms out in front of him.

"Shoot," he said encouraging her to tell him her wishes.

"Um..maybe later? I really want to get this evening out of the way first."

"Ah," he said as if he already knew what she was going to ask. "It's about Spock, isn't it?"

She stiffened at the mention of her ex. He continued casually.

"Look—I know he's been kind of…out of touch. He doesn't mean to be, I'm sure. So, don't do anything uh….too harsh. He's coming back and soon."

_Too harsh? _Under normal circumstances, she would have probably forgotten herself and let him have it. Although she was annoyed at his comment, she knew that she needed to be on her best behavior so that he would at least consider her request. She smiled at him.

"I see…do you mind if we talk about it later?" she asked again politely.

"Yeah…no problem. Let's go see about our party."

He nodded his head in the direction of the turbo lift and she followed behind him.

….


	22. Chapter 22 Showtime

As the guests trickled in, Nyota paced behind the grand curtain behind the stage. She was nervous and her stomach would not stop that damned growling.

_Butterflies, _she told herself.

She ran her hands in small circles over her belly and took in deep breaths. She's not usually this nervous and wondered if being pregnant was causing her to feel such anxiety. At this thought she stopped suddenly. She remembered the doctor asking her yesterday if she could feel the baby moving yet. She had told him no, but now she wasn't sure. Perhaps those butterflies weren't butterflies at all, but her baby telling her to calm down? She wasn't that far along, and with a first pregnancy she didn't know what to look for, really.

She shook her head, temporarily putting the thought on hold. She peeked out into the audience. The seats were nearly filled now. She grabbed her PADD and rehearsed her speech one last time. She was ready.

The evening progressed at a rapid rate. The Captain gave his welcome with her by his side. She translated the words without error and enunciated the syllables with perfection. The faces of the many races in attendance shone with delighted approval. She received many stares from several of the Andorian males. She was well liked among the Trill both outwardly male and female. She couldn't even begin to count the numerous compliments she received on her appearance. She received a handful of proposals, a few offers for jobs outside of the Federation, and several bold invitations to be the recipient of various sexual acts-some of which she was sure, weren't even possible for a humanoid to perform.

Afterward in the lounge, different races encountered for the first time, each other as they talked, drank, laughed, and twittered. Nyota, the perfect hostess that she was, made sure that she always observed the customs of those with whom she was speaking. When she chanced upon the Tellarite Ambassador and his entourage, she made certain to counter their suggestions and ridicule their ideas -which made for an extremely pleasant conversation, at least by Tellarite standards.

Later on, Chekov introduced her to a character named Yasar, a Yridian smuggler who introduced himself as a prominent businessman. He was intent on speaking with Uhura, although it wasn't until near the end of the conversation did she realize why.

"I understand that you are the one to speak to regarding the dispensation of information."

"I am. What can I do for you, Yasar?"

His rodent-like head lowered as he openly examined her body from her high heeled shoes to her waist, up to her chest, and back to her lovely face again. Nyota got his gist and loudly cleared her throat. He snapped his attention back to her.

"I am in possession of some very rare and very fine specimens that I would like to auction…whenever the time is convenient of course."

Chekov looked at Nyota apologetically. She sighed and held up a hand.

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand what this has to do with me," she said.

"I would be willing, of course, to share the profits of the sale ….on a contingency basis, that is."

He was speaking rapidly now in the attempt to keep her interested.

"Also…I would allow you to inspect my merchandise before letting 'the word get out' as your species say."

Nyota shook her head. "I don't think I can help—"

"—They're young…babies, really. And I know that your species are very fond of owning small ….I believe the word is…..cute—yes, cute things."

Nyota's eyes grew wide with disbelief. "Are you saying what I think you're saying? Are you selling beings?"

He smiled and nodded his head with uncontained excitement.

"Yes, oh yes….I think that you or any of your kind would be very pleased with them….they are young—"

The Yridian didn't even get a chance to finish his sentence before an armed duo of security officers hauled him out of the facility. Nyota stood in disbelief. She was outraged at what she had learned. Chekov wrapped his arm around her apologizing profusely for subjecting her to such filth. She nodded and told him that she was okay and he promised that he would submit a full report on the deviant in the morning. He reassured her that the criminal would be detained in the brig in the meantime.

Nyota excused herself and went to the nearest lavatory. She needed air and water. After some time had passed and she had finished collecting herself, she went back out to face the crowds. She would have a strong drink if she weren't pregnant, but as soon as the thought went through her mind her stomach groaned.

In a far off corner, she observed several members of the Aaamazzarite. Despite their menacing appearance and arachnoid-like practices, they were a very self-sufficient race who relied on very little from outsiders. She remembered studying about them briefly at the Academy and was genuinely disappointed when their summer trip to their home planet had been cancelled. There were so many things she wanted to ask and this was her opportunity. She began to move in their direction when she was suddenly accosted by Hikaru Sulu. Bounding in from out of nowhere, he grabbed her by the arm and moved toward the opposite side of the room.

Annoyed, she tugged her arm in the attempt to loosen it from his grip.

"What the hell, Sulu! Wha…where are you going?" She tugged hard one last time before breaking free. He stopped in his tracks and swung around to face her.

"Hikaru—you scared me half to death grabbing me like that!"

"Damn….I'm so sorry. But look….you gotta help me out. There's this girl….this….goddess…she's like….I mean, you've got to translate for me."

He spoke nearly panting now obviously excited from his meeting with some female. Nyota frowned, clearly irritated and growing angrier by the second.

"No. That's not what we're here for. That's not what _I'm _here for!"

He pleaded with her. "Oh, come on. Nyota. Please. She's Orion, for God's sake…and I think she's gonna give me so—"

"No. I am not going to help you get laid. Leave me alone."

She turned on her heel and stormed off.

As she passed the buffet, she couldn't help but peruse the decorated table. Everything was there. Her stomach grumbled as she eyed the various pastries and chocolate desserts. Picking up a plate, she reluctantly passed it by and headed for the fresh fruit near the end of the table. She marveled at the arrangements. In the center, a large almost statuesque sculptured cake of the Federation's seal was definitely the piece de resistance and the cutting of it would signal the end of the evening.

She almost reached her destination when she looked up and saw Dr. McCoy near the far entrance to the hall. He looked as though he was flailing his arms at her. She wondered if he was trying to get her attention. She put her plate in a recycler, changing her mind about her snack and started to head toward the doctor's direction.

…..

Security was very tight and all ship decks were armed with Starfleet officials to ensure the safety of everyone on board. Ambassadors, regents, diplomats, figureheads, unionists, and separatists all set aside their differences to socialize in the neutral social atmosphere that was created in the name of peace and unity. With so many in attendance, it was easy to miss the small group of dignitaries and consuls that represented the Vulcan race.

Many stopped and briefly spoke to her as she made her way across the room. She wasn't rude or abrupt, and she told each one that she would speak with them once she returned. She was almost there when she heard the sound of a familiar voice behind her, calling her name. It was deep and resonated with power and authority. She whirled around and met the stern face of Ambassador Sarek.

Pleasantly surprised, Uhura straightened her posture and lifted her chin. She offered him a Vulcan greeting and nodded when he returned the gesture.

"Ambassador Sarek. I was not aware that you would be in attendance tonight. It pleases me to meet you again."

"Greetings, Lieutenant Uhura. I, myself doubted my availability for tonight's festivities. However, an unfortunate cancellation of a long awaited trip has made my presence here possible. Perhaps we would be at a better advantage for clearer conversation if we relocated."

She nodded her head curtly. It was somewhat crowded conversing in the middle of the room, and she knew that a Vulcan would not appreciate having his person accidentally run into or touched in any way. She headed toward a more private area of the lounge where few people were standing around talking privately. He followed behind her keeping a reasonable amount of distance between them. He started first.

"Lieutenant, I realize that I never had the opportunity to thank you for the support that you gave Spock following our tragic loss."

Nyota _did_ want to talk about Spock, but she did not want to inquire about him through the mention of the Vulcan tragedy. She chose her words cautiously.

"Spock's well-being is important to me, Ambassador. He, as well as all Vulcans, have the support of the entire Federation."

"Yes, that would be apparent. You, in particular, are thought very highly of. Spock has mentioned your many accomplishments."

Nyota nodded her head. _What was all this about?_ She couldn't help but feel that something was very wrong.

Her instincts seemed to be on target as evidenced by the figure that stood directly behind Sarek now. Nyota cut her eyes to the being behind him as he turned to speak a greeting in his native tongue. He moved slightly to one side and a Vulcan moved to stand alongside him.

Sarek's body had partially hidden the smaller one which was why Nyota didn't notice the long silky hair, and more delicate frame of the female Vulcan. She wore the long robes that were traditional among the women of Vulcan. Nyota noticed how the color was the same shade of red as her dress. She had a pale complexion and a stern, but very pretty face.

Nyota turned her gaze toward Sarek.

"Ah, yes. Lieutenant, allow me to introduce Valeris."

Nyota bowed her head slightly toward Valeris and greeted her with the Vulcan gesture. As she lowered her hand to her side, she saw another figure approach and stop directly behind Valeris. She didn't think anything of it until he moved into her line of sight. Spock stood beside Valeris, his eyes fixed on Nyota. She parted her lips to speak, but was interrupted by the voice of the female Vulcan.

"Yes. I, too, thank you for your loyalty to the Federation and to my husband."

Nyota nodded her head. _This must be Sarek's new wife_.

Perhaps earlier he was trying to soften the blow of any shock that she would express upon meeting her. Sarek knew the nuances of terran culture, so he certainly would know that marrying so soon after a spouse has died was considered poor taste on Earth. Nyota looked at Spock.

Turning to Sarek, Valeris spoke again.

"Forgive me, Father. I did not mean to intrude on your discussion with the Lieutenant. Perhaps Spock and I should leave you to your privacy."

It took several seconds for Nyota to comprehend what had just happened. The female Vulcan had just called Sarek father….she was referring to Spock when she spoke of Nyota's loyalty to her husband.

Nyota looked at Spock—_really looked_ at him this time. She willed him to say something to her to refute what she just heard. He held her stare, but not for long. He averted his eyes to the floor and instantly she understood. All of the missing pieces to the puzzle that was their relationship fell perfectly into place.


	23. Chapter 23 Rescue

Nyota could not move from the spot where she stood. Time seemed to crawl as her mind struggled to find words that would extricate her from the company of the three Vulcans. For the first time since she was eight years old, she found herself physically speechless. She knew what she wanted to say. She was going to hold it together long enough to excuse herself, citing that she was recovering from illness and felt suddenly sick. She had it all planned out in her head. She would then muster up enough elegance and grace to walk away until she made it to the nearest lavatory. She knew there was one right outside the exit just a few feet to her left. All she had to do was say the words.

She did not react, however, and just stood there, frozen. They all did. Nyota did not hear the words that came from behind her until she felt a warm hand gently guiding her away. It was the good doctor coming to her rescue.

"Excuse me, Ambassador… Spock…My Lady. The Lieutenant here is needed elsewhere as there is a dispute between two of our guests tonight. If you'll excuse us both…."

Dr. McCoy nodded to the Vulcan trio as he steered Nyota away. Before he could get away with her, Spock stepped forward and spoke up suddenly.

"Doctor. May _I _be of any assistance?"

McCoy glared at the Vulcan. He spoke with unbelievable restraint through clenched teeth.

"No, Spock. You've done _enough_ already."

He guided her through the crowd in the opposite direction of the exit. He spoke words of encouragement into her ear.

"Keep it together, Lieutenant. Don't do it here….not here…..not yet…"

They emerged from the lounge and entered the adjoining auditorium. He led her up the short steps onto the stage and pulled the heavy velvet curtains aside. Behind them, he released her arm and said, "But here…you can."

Nyota still had not said a word. She stood there staring at him. McCoy waited a few seconds and gently took her hands into his.

"I'm so sorry, Sweetheart." he said, his voice almost a whisper.

That was all it took.

…

Dr. McCoy escorted Nyota directly to her quarters. He scanned her with a portable tricorder to make sure that the baby wasn't distressed and gave her a safe sedative to help her get some sleep. She insisted that she return to the event arguing that she had to help close the evening with the Captain. The doctor would not relent, however, and reassured her that he would make the necessary apologies on her behalf. He waited until she drifted off to sleep before he left.

He thought about Spock and grit his teeth. When he found that Vulcan, he was going to wring his neck.

Spock sat in the familiar high-backed office chair in the Captain's ready room. His face held no expression and his clasped hands rested on the table before him. Kirk came storming in a few minutes later. He had excused himself from his guests momentarily to speak to his former First Officer alone. Spock had been trying to speak with him in private ever since the formal portion of the evening was concluded, but social interruptions kept either of them from doing so. Knowing that there was still much of the night awaiting him, Kirk spoke first.

"I was starting to think that you were avoiding me, Spock. The ship's been trying to get a hold of you for some time now. Glad to see you could make it out tonight."

Kirk took a seat opposite him, mimicking his posture. Without preface or hesitation, Spock told him his news.

"I am newly wed, Captain."

Believing him to be talking about Uhura, Kirk's eyes widened briefly in disbelief. After a moment, however, realization dawned and he relaxed his body back into his chair.

"The Vulcan female I saw you with…..is that….her?"

"Valeris. Yes, she is my wife," Spock stated matter-of-factly.

Kirk heaved a heavy sigh laden with dread as he dropped his head back and looked up at the ceiling.

"Lieutenant Uhura is also aware." Spock informed him.

Still looking up into the ceiling as if the solution to all of his ship's problems were written there, Kirk shook his head from side to side. _What else could happen on this ship?_

"Let me guess, Spock….you're going to terminate your commission," Kirk lowered his head to face his Science Officer. "Right?"

"Contrarily, Captain, my continued service with Starfleet was contingent upon my fulfillment of certain…familial duties."

Kirk cocked his head to the side.

"Familial duties? You mean, like getting married?"

"Yes."

Kirk sat in silence as he thought.

"So, the head Vulcans said, 'Hey, Spock, you have to quit Starfleet so that you can make sure that your race moves forward'. But then you protested and they cut you this deal of marriage in exchange for you remaining in Starfleet?"

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"While the negotiations did not quite occur as you have surmised, your conjecture is quite correct."

"Spock," Kirk paused for a moment hesitant about his next question, " about Lieutenant Uhura…does she also know that your wife will be living aboard the Enterprise?"

He hadn't wanted to ask, but he _was_ the Captain and deserved to know what was going on aboard his ship. Spock looked down at his hands resting on the table.

"Valeris will not be accompanying me on the Enterprise. Vulcan unions are not like human marriages. The marriage link is sufficient to maintain unity between bondmates."

Kirk wrinkled his forehead in confusion.

"So, you're saying that you don't need her to be around, but can still be married to her? What about sex?"

Kirk didn't mean for that last question to pop out the way it did, but the incredulity of the matter kept it from doing so. He held his hand up in apology.

"Sorry about that Spock. It's just a little hard for… well, a human, to accept. Guaranteed sex is sort of something that makes marriage worthwhile for human males."

Spock did not answer, but continued to examine the top of the table instead. He did not wish to engage in this personal conversation with the Captain and hoped that he would drop the subject soon….which Kirk did. Surprisingly, however, Spock answered his query.

"I am required to attempt children with her between my journeys when command missions permit me to do so. Also, it was imperative that I be married to a Vulcan female when ...the blood fever begins."

"Blood fever?"

"Yes, Captain. Vulcan males experience it during their….time of mating." Spock was feeling discomfort now.

_Time of mating? _Kirk had heard enough. He raised his hand again to stop Spock from telling him any more.

"I think I've got it, Spock."

Spock looked at his Captain inquisitively. "Then you have knowledge of the pon farr, Captain?"

"Never heard of it. I'm just kinda quick on the uptake. I understand enough. When can you report to duty?"

"I am uncertain at this point, Captain. Valeris and I must continue in our attempt to –" Spock paused as he searched for his words.

"—Repopulate the species? I understand." Kirk finished for him.

The Vulcan nodded and stood.

"Perhaps now would be an ideal time to return to your guests, Sir."

The Captain stood up and tugged at the bottom of his dress jacket.

"Yeah, Spock. Let's go."

Kirk exited his ready room with Spock in tow.

As they stepped out of the turbo lift, a female Orion caught the Captain's eye. He turned around to look at Spock before offering the lovely female a tour of the deck to which she delightfully agreed. The couple left and Spock re-entered the lift commanding it to stop on the level to his quarters.

As he entered the familiar cabin, a barrage of memories filled his mind. He thought of the many evenings spent with Nyota, but instantly turned his attention to something else. He walked about the rooms noting that everything was in the exact place where he had last left them. He was pleased to see that some of her personal effects were still there and that she had not taken them away. When he sensed his mind wandering to thoughts of her again, he abruptly pushed them away. Curiosity got the best of him, however, and he lingered long enough to speak a command to the computer.

"Computer. Locate Lieutenant Uhura."

"The location of Lieutenant Uhura is not available. Security authorization required to access information."

Annoyed at the computer's response, Spock cocked his head slightly. He tried again.

"Computer. Ascertain the location of Lieutenant Uhura and identify accompanying signatures."

"The location of Lieutenant Uhura is not available. Secu—"

Spock interrupted, "Security authorization: Charlie, Sierra, October 7723804"

"Authorization accepted. Lieutenant Uhura is currently located in her quarters. One accompanying bio signature…Doctor Leonard McCoy, Chief Medical Officer , USS Enterprise, NCC –"

"-Computer, end."

Spock wondered what reason Dr. McCoy would have for being in her quarters. McCoy had spoken bitterly to him earlier as he was whisking her away, but that had been some time ago. Surely he had not stayed with her this entire time. He temporarily severed his link with Valeris and allowed himself a moment to feel the shame and remorse that had been weighing on his conscience for so long.

He thought about the moment he saw her again tonight. How long it had been. He could not take his eyes off of her and could not help the feeling of pride that came over him suddenly as she translated, into six different tongues, the words that Kirk had prepared for his audience on stage. Up close he had noted to himself that something was different about her. He could not pinpoint precisely what it was, but she was ….altered in some way that suited her immensely. Her skin was radiant, her hair longer and thicker than before, and her lips ...he could not keep his eyes off of her lips.

His absence from the Enterprise had obviously done her some good. However, he remembered the look on her face when Valeris had spoken out of turn. Her confusion and hurt was evident in her expression and her body. He sensed her distress and alarm in the pulsing of the delicate veins in her neck. He could bear the shame no longer and he turned away as she looked on, her eyes pleading. He desperately longed to hold her and beg forgiveness, but he could not just then and now he probably never could.

This was not how he intended to inform Nyota. Valeris had left his side to join Sarek in his discussion with her. Spock displayed his disapproval through their link, but Valeris was apparently determined to assert her identity. Long ago, Spock told her his reasons for choosing to delay in this task, and she told him that she understood. Having committed the first act of disobedience to him, Valeris acted as if her revelation was of no consequence and carried on throughout the remainder of the night in complete disregard for the lovely Lieutenant.

Spock delayed no more in these memories of Nyota. Like an obedient and thoughtful husband, he re-established his link with Valeris and was not surprised to find her ready on the other end. He reassured her that he was on his way to her and left.

….

"How was it?" Nyota asked the doctor sitting at the foot of her bed. It was late into the night and early into the next day.

"It was the same ole stuff, Doll….lots of titles and ass-kissing goodbyes….you know the score. I came in to check up on you….I've still got to get back and make one final appearance for the night….you've got some admirers that are asking for you."

He was trying to sound cheerful, but she knew that he was only doing it for her. She appreciated it all the same.

At his last comment, she thought of Spock. Her eyes began to tear again. McCoy moved in closer and held her tight. After some time, she gently pulled away and apologized for her emotions.

"No need to apologize. Are you going to be okay, or do you want me to stay?" he asked her quietly.

"Could you? Just a few more minutes?"

Feeling her vulnerability, McCoy nodded. He could sense that she wanted to ask him more about the night. He told her about the Tellaride Ambassador's attendants and the misunderstanding between them and some of the Enterprise crew. Nyota laughed despite her mood. He joked about the Captain and his attempt at wooing an Orion woman whose husband was also in attendance at the gathering. She shook her head smiling, not at all surprised at that news. He told her about some irate Yridian criminal creating a ruckus in the brig and how Kirk had to be called away from his guest for the second time tonight to settle it.

Even though he was doing the best he could, she could not help but think of Spock. That was who she really wanted to know about. How did he seem? Was he asking about her? How did he act with his…wife? His _wife._ She paused to think of the implications of that term. He's been sleeping with her…no, not sleeping, screwing. He's been screwing someone else _every day_…while she waited and cried, and threw up _every day_.

_That fucker! Liar! Asshole! Prick!_

McCoy continued to describe the night to her, but his voice seemed far, far away. She knew that her inattention was obvious and she tried to at least look at him from time to time. As he finished the story he was telling, he put a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Doll…things are going to be just fine, okay? If you want, I'll make his life on this ship a living hell—make him take one full physical a month for the next five years. How's that?"

She smiled weakly. "Yeah, and he'd show up for them too."

There was a brief silence and she apologized again for the tears that followed. She tried to get herself together as she did not want to send him away with her grief. She needed someone right now and she could think of no one better.


	24. Chapter 24 Changes wauthor's notes

_**A/N: **_**Warning—unpleasant chapter/ adult situations. Not beta'd so keep in mind.**

**Just know, I 'm gonna get a lot of sh*t for this one…..**

**(Sigh) Just as I thought…..Just to get out a few points:**

**I do not hate Uhura or Spock or that pairing**

**Sometimes things have to get bad..before they get better**

**Immaturity is often erased by mistakes/ lessons learned in life**

**I do not hate Uhura or Spock or that pairing**

…

Spock lifted his face to the sky and welcomed the afternoon breeze that swept through the open veranda of his father's home. He rose from a kneeling position, put away the mats that he used for meditating and retired to his private room to dress for the afternoon meal with Sarek.

He chanced a glance down the corridor. Valeris would be taking her afternoon nap now and he permitted himself the slightest sigh of relief. Last night was most unpleasant and Spock spent the better half of the morning and the afternoon in meditation. He knew it was illogical to dwell on past events that he could no longer affect, but if he is to continue in his new role on this new planet, then he would need to put the past to rest.

He would speak to Valeris about her behavior last night. She was apparently displeased with him which was evidenced by the termination of her link as she sensed Spock reminiscing briefly. She made herself unavailable to him and even now, her link remained closed.

This was not an entirely new development, however, as she had always been reticent to open herself to Spock. Since their bonding ceremony, she kept him out of her thoughts frequently. Spock did not really mind this much at all. He had little in common with her and they spoke rarely on topics that held his interest. However, they were united in a common goal- one that brought the pair together in the efforts to repair their broken race.

The bonding ceremony was the standard Vulcan affair with the families of both participants in attendance and only a few other Vulcans to assist each side of the wedding party. One of the remaining Elders presided over the bonding, after which consummation took place.

Spock thought of that day. He closed his end of the tenuous link as he did so. The consummation had been …different. Although he knew what to expect, the apprehension that he felt would not subside as he readied himself to physically enter his new wife. The old Vulcan Elder sat a mere five feet away from them in anticipation as she waited and observed behind the thin translucent curtain. This was such an intrusion into Spock's privacy, and it took him some time to bring himself forth. Once he was finished, Valeris tidied herself and rearranged her robes. She would not permit Spock to look upon her body, and he did not attempt to forcefully do so. Even now, their joining was performed in the same brusque manner, although without the confirmation of an old Vulcan woman.

Spock thought of how different his life was now. He thought of the female that he married and the woman that he betrayed. He compared the differences in both of his realities: one aboard the Enterprise, and the other with his new wife on New Vulcan—the difference between choice and obligation. Finishing his brief reflection, he established his marital contact and entered the dining hall to greet his father.

…

Nyota grabbed a large go-container and stood in the line at the mess hall. As she shifted forward every few steps, she was aware of the eyes on her back. She expected this…the stares, the whispers,

the melodramatic apologies, but she wasn't completely prepared for what happened next.

Nurse Chapel waited at the end of the line. As Nyota approached, Chapel pounced, putting herself directly in the way. Indiscreetly, heads turned in their direction as the nurse spoke to her.

"Lieutenant Uhura, I..…am …..so…so….. very sorry about….last night."

She spaced her words out, no doubt for histrionic effect.

"You poor thing. I was just as shocked when I heard about the Commander. How he had managed to get married on New Vulcan like that without so much as a word to –"

Nyota interrupted rudely, "Thank you, Nurse, BUT I don't really need any more sympathies right now."

Chapel straightened as Nyota stormed past her. The nurse was persistent as she followed behind the lieutenant into the hallway. Whirling around with her lunch in hand, Nyota looked Chapel straight in the eye.

"Look. I don't know what you _think_ you want to say to me, but I'm really tired right now and all I want to do is get back to my room, eat, and rest. You've said your apologies and I thank you for your concern, but there is no need for it."

Nyota knew that she sounded harsh, but if Chapel wanted to exchange words with her it was definitely not because she was concerned. She tried to think of what the nurse might have to gain from conversing with her, but could think of nothing. When Chapel turned around and walked back into the mess hall, Nyota waited a few seconds before heading toward the lift.

….

_I really love pie and lemonade, _Nyota thought as she inhaled her lunch. She was still hungry afterward and would have gotten more to eat had it not been for Chapel and her idiotic dramatics. She piled the dishes in a stack and set them on her desk. The blinking light on her console flashed and Nyota quickly logged in to access the unread message.

On the screen, the familiar face of a woman appeared. Gray hair and a warm smile filled the monitor and Nyota sat down slowly in her chair to take in the sight of her. Born of a west African mother and Trinidadian father, Esi was the caretaker of the Uhura estate before and after her parents perished.

Nyota stared as she listened to the woman speak. She could not wait to see her again. It had been so long—not since she first started at the Academy did Nyota last see her in person. Since then, they had only communicated through transmissions and written correspondence.

"I know you will love the accommodations for you here, Child….the baby is gonna be so beautiful and the room?...Oh!…..fit for a little queen ….or king!...and Danny is painting the old swing set outside—you remember it? Of course…could not get you off the cursed thing when you were little" she chattered.

Nyota smiled as the tears formed in her eyes. She did miss her so. She had told the old woman about her upcoming return home and the reasons behind it….well, some of the reasons behind it. Mainly, she informed her of her pregnancy and her plans to stay at home for a while. When Esi asked her about the baby's father, Nyota managed to side step her question by announcing that she would be delivering him or her at the family home. This was enough to send the woman into near hysterics as she rattled off a litany of things that she must get done to prepare for Nyota's arrival.

When the transmission had ended, Nyota started to get an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She knew what this signaled and quickly headed to the sink basin in her bathroom to prepare. As she stood, however, she noticed that the feeling dissipated and she could tell from her discomfort that her clothing was getting too tight. It was decided then, that she would put in for her leave request today.

….

Christine stewed in her quarters. _Who the hell did she think she was?_ Uhura had been unnecessarily rude to her earlier and she was tired of beating around the bush with her. She wanted only to sympathize with the woman as she, herself, felt the sting of betrayal when she found out about Spock's secret marriage.

The perfect lieutenant disregarded her like trash unworthy of notice and she hated her all the more for it. Chapel wanted nothing more than to see her get what she deserved. It was high time for her to start living in the _real_ world instead of the fairy tale that life had handed her thus far. And then, there was Spock….how could he do this? She knew that the Vulcan was loyal, but then again, he was still only a man and men will always do what they do best—fuck. Even Nyota couldn't keep her reins on him.

She smiled to herself as she thought this. Perhaps, she still had a chance.

…..

"So this is for two months?" Kirk looked down at his PADD while his communications officer stood before him at attention.

"Oh, and you can stand at ease, Lieutenant." he added.

Nyota breathed out and relaxed her posture.

"Yes, sir. You asked me yesterday before the convention if there was anything that you could do, remember?"

Uhura raised an eyebrow at him and slightly tilted her head.

"Uh huh. That, I did….but two months? I mean, what you pulled together last night was spectacular, but…. really? …_two months_?"

She started to get nervous. It wasn't going as she had hoped.

"Captain, if it's too much trouble, I guess—"

Kirk raised a hand to interrupt her, "No..no…I'm just a little surprised is all. You were out for so long before and I knew that you were dying to come back to the bridge. Why take leave now?"

_Moment of truth_, she thought. Opening her mouth to reveal her long hidden secret, she stopped suddenly when she heard Kirk gasp audibly. He spoke next, instead.

"Ah! Damn. I'm sorry, Lieutenant. That was an idiotic question….of course I'll approve your leave. Don't worry about it."

Though she didn't understand what had changed his mind, she nodded and watched as he signed the PADD before handing it to her.

" I guess, I'll be seeing Hawkins on the bridge in the morning, then?"

"Yes, sir. He's good. I've been working with him, so…"

Kirk scratched the back of his head, "Yeah, well…he's not as interesting to look at, but he'll have to do. Dismissed Lieutenant."

She quickly came to attention, turned on her heel, and exited his ready room. As she rode the lift to her quarters, she rubbed her abdomen. _So far, so good, Baby._ When she was safe in her room, she pulled out her bags and started to toss her belongings into them. She wouldn't have to pack too many things as almost none of her clothing fit her as well as it had only one week ago. She was about to sit down to her console when she received a call from the Captain.

"Yes, Captain."

"Lieutenant, I understand that you are due to leave shortly for your leave, but I need you to report to the brig with Lieutenant Hensley from Security."

"The brig, Sir?" she asked, clearly confused.

"Uh, yeah. What do you know of a rat-faced punk named Yasar?"

Nyota searched her memory for the name. She remembered that Chekov had brought some businessman over to see her last night. Yasar…that was his name.

"Yridian. Smuggler….Said he was a businessman or something. He was into trafficking and wanted me to help."

"Well, he's out of control and …..he asked for you."

"For _me_? He asked for _me?"_

"Yes. When you get down there, prepare yourself….it's not pretty. He' s smeared waste all over the walls and, well…just steel yourself, okay?"

"Aye, Captain." she said apprehensively. "I'm on the way."

"Oh….Uhura? I expect a full report on your meeting with him. He said there was some sort of cargo or goods that you know about. He's off at the next port and I'll need all the information I can get for a formal arrest and full investigation."

"Gladly, sir"

"Good. Kirk out."

Nyota fumed again as she thought of the Yridian. She recalled her fury at the conversation she had with him last night and felt a surge of energy come over her. She hastened out the door and into the turbo lift.

….

When she reached the brig, two armed men were waiting by the lift. Lt. Hensley informed her to keep her distance from the cell and to watch out for the walls and floors. As she approached his holding cell, Nyota could see a figure humped in the corner of the small unit. There was brown and red material all over the walls and the smell threatened to make her lose her lunch.

Hensley handed her a handkerchief and she stepped a few feet closer. Yasar moaned as he muttered some angry words in his native language. She tried to make them out, but he was holding his arm to his face, muffling his sounds.

"What is wrong with him?" Nyota asked the other security man.

"He's been doing this since he was put in here. It's been non-stop. If he's not slinging his waste or gnawing at his arms and slinging his blood, he's screeching from the top of his lungs. It's awful…the squealing….I just can't take it."

The security man shook his head from side to side and covered his mouth with his hand. Phaser in the other, he pointed it at the prisoner and commanded him to stand up. When he squealed, the high pitch of the intolerable noise made Nyota jump back. She spoke to him in Federation Standard.

"What do want from me?" she yelled.

He leapt up suddenly and ran like lightning speed toward her. The invisible shielded wall made him bounce back and he writhed on the floor in obvious pain.

"Why is he doing that? What is happening?"

"The captain's been down here, McCoy's been down here—you can't get close to him. He's like a caged animal looking for escape."

Nyota asked Hensley to reduce the shield to forty percent so that she could get him to stop his thrashing about. He vehemently denied stating that it was too dangerous and that his blood and saliva contained diseases. He would not take the chance.

Between bouts of rest, the creature aimed his body at a solid wall and ran full speed into it. Wailing and screeching, he was wild with terror. Nyota explained to the guard that she needed him to calm down if she was going to get anywhere with him. He would first have to allow him to feel a sense of freedom. His hands were braced in thick titanium cuffs and she saw no reason why the wall couldn't be brought down for a few moments.

Hensley told her that he would need to inform the Captain first and told her to stand by. After receiving his orders from Kirk, he notified Uhura that he was on his way to the brig. Nyota insisted once again that he drop the shield.

"You have phasers drawn on him, anyway. He's obviously hurt and bleeding, not to mention exhausted."

She pointed at him. He was cowering and panting heavily in the corner. Nyota looked up at Hensley and he gave a reluctant nod to the other guard. He didn't see the harm in doing as she asked, now. The Captain was on his way there and they both had their phasers locked on the smuggler should he do anything to harm her. As the blue laser glow of the wall flashed, the prisoner looked up and slowly began to uncoil his body. Soon, he was standing and limping toward the exit. Not realizing what she was doing, Nyota inched forward slightly at the exact same time he came charging out of the cell. With his hands braced above and to the side of his head like a slugger at the bat, the Yridian swung with all his strength-his shackled fists and the thick, unyielding metal encasing them, arcing down impossibly hard against her body.

….

The next few moments were a haze for Nyota. She remembered a figure coming at her and then there was the appearance of the very large lump in her throat that she struggled to swallow. For a few seconds she found it hard to breathe. When her lungs finally recovered, she heaved out a breath and her lunch from earlier that afternoon came out right behind it. Her body tingled all over and she felt dizzy until, finally, darkness came. Then, she saw no more.

When Kirk finally appeared, it was mere seconds before Nyota hit the floor. In an instant, the Yridian was slammed back into his cell by a phaser beam and the shield put back in place. Frantically, he called for McCoy to get down to the brig immediately.

McCoy stood up with a jolt. He heard all he needed to hear. The words 'Uhura' and 'brig' were all he deciphered, but needed no more confirmation as to what he surmised must have occurred. Running down the hall, he spotted an empty lift and jumped into it. With controls set on override, the lift flew at break neck speed and spit the doctor out onto the deck of the brig.

When he got to her, she was laying on her side, having been turned by the Captain. McCoy's anger flared when he realized what Kirk had done, but there was no time to worry about that now. He had his tricorder ready before he even reached her unconscious body.

…..

For days since her last checkup, McCoy had been racking his brain for a reason to write her for bed rest. According to Dr. Mbenga, her last lab results were normal and the genetic pairs were compatible with no apparent abnormalities. Even though he did not have fresh genetic material from the Vulcan, the tests showed the baby to be viable, healthy, and strong.

He looked over his PADD again for the ninth or tenth time tonight. The readings showed the baby to be stable and in no apparent distress. This boggled the doctor's mind as the damage to Nyota herself was significant. Suffering from a concussion and internal hemorrhaging, she looked as though she were trampled by a crowd as the bruises started to appear under her skin. Writing for her convalescence would be no problem at all, now.

He thought again about what had happened. He couldn't believe the resilience of the small fetus in her womb. She had been struck with such force by that …vermin that when he saw her laying on the floor, he wasn't sure that she was even alive. McCoy's heart beat faster at this thought. He would not lose her. He would make sure of it.

He laid his PADD down nearby. Stretching his arms out in front of him on the foot of Nyota's biobed, he yawned and took some deep breaths. He had not left her side since her accident and the fatigue was starting to seep through. Kirk had visited her often throughout the day and ordered to be notified of any change in her. Still maintaining her privacy and her secret pregnancy, the doctor allowed no one else to tend to his patient. He would sleep there by her side for as long as it took.

"I'm right here, Doll. I'm not going anywhere….I'll be here when you wake up."

Checking his instruments one last time, he pulled out a chair and stretched out onto it.

…..

The excitement of the day had caused some unexpected changes on the bridge. The Captain was granted permission to pursue a course to the nearest security compound to relinquish the Yridian criminal to the proper authorities. The new course would put them six days behind their scheduled one, but the Captain was more than thrilled to accept the delay. He wanted that filth off of his ship and prosecuted to the fullest extent of Federation law, even if it put him months behind schedule.

He excused himself to go to his ready room and recorded a transmission to send to New Vulcan.

…

At around 0200 hours, McCoy heard the faint sounds of Nyota moaning. He rapidly shook his head a few times to wake up and saw that she was gesturing with her hand. He was by her side in seconds stroking her hair and speaking softly to her.

"Thirsty," she said in a raspy whisper.

"I know, Sweetheart, but I can only give you a little ice."

McCoy reassured her that he would return with something cool for her to swallow. She nodded. He went to the nurse's station and found Chapel still at work. He raised an eyebrow and asked her what she was still doing there. She smiled and told him that she was covering an extra shift for one of the other nurses. He grabbed a cup near the small replicator located on the back wall of the station. He entered his preference into the unit and waited the few seconds it took for the machine to produce it. He turned around and regarded the nurse.

"You've been really quiet lately, Christine."

"Oh. Not really, Doctor. It must just seem that way because of all the excitement around here lately with the Lieutenant."

"Yeah. We had quite a scare there. She'll be okay, though probably be out by late tomorrow. What are you working on?"

He nodded his head at the PADD she was reading. She looked down and shrugged her shoulders.

"Just some reports and logs that I wanted to update. I have the one patient in Bay Six with the pox, but he's doing great."

McCoy nodded.

"What about you? Don't you think you've been here long enough?" she smiled warmly.

McCoy sighed. "I'm taking care of Uhura. Mbenga is supposed to be arriving tomorrow and I'm taking some days off to be with her."

Christine's smile faltered a little. A nurse would usually be assigned to care for the lieutenant after her discharge from medical bay; and here was McCoy taking personal time to do it himself, instead. She did not approve of his newly formed loyalty to Uhura. She didn't understand why so many men bent themselves to her will. What was it that she possessed that made them commit themselves to her this way? Chapel had the utmost respect for Dr. McCoy and was deeply disappointed to learn that he, too, had been a sucker for her charms.

She didn't understand why this bothered her as much as it did. She didn't have romantic feelings for the doctor, but for several years, they had always been a sort of team together. Uhura had completely asserted herself where she did not belong. This was her territory and to see McCoy torturing himself to help her like that…..well, it just pissed her off.

Sensing the change in her, but not quite understanding it, McCoy excused himself and returned to Uhura's bay.

When he entered, she was sitting completely upright. Her face was tear streaked and she was rubbing her abdomen. She caught his stare and as if he could read her mind, he answered the question she most wanted to know the answer to.

"The baby seems to be okay. His readings are within normal limits for her fetal age. So far, there isn't really anything to worry about….but we need keep an eye on him."

Nyota smiled wanly at McCoy's mixed use of pronouns as he talked about her baby. He knew that she wished for the gender of her baby to remain unknown and like a good professional and an even better friend, he had honored it. She nodded her thanks and he handed her the cup of ice shavings.

At her station, Chapel sat composing a message on her PADD. She knew that Cmdr Jess was returning to the Enterprise soon, but had been delayed due to the ship's sudden detour. An unauthorized look into her file revealed that Uhura was planning on leaving for Earth. Despite her injuries, her prognosis was very good and she would likely be released in less than a few days. McCoy had confirmed her suspicions on that one. She worked quickly, choosing her words carefully so as to convey the urgency of the situation outlined in her message. If she was right about him, Jess would do whatever he could to get to the ship before she left.

…..

A few hours later, another sound startled McCoy from dreamless sleep. The machinery monitoring Uhura had sounded loudly notifying him of a drop in her baby's vital signs. He frantically moved about her checking his instrumentation and gathering hypos. Nyota, startled by the clamor, looked around her in confusion. She was about to attempt an inquiry when she felt a sharp sudden pain rack her body. In the pit of her lower abdomen a stabbing sensation pierced through her as she rolled onto her side hugging her belly. The baby's heart rate plummeted as Nyota's abdomen contracted forcefully in the effort to expel her baby in a precipitous delivery.

McCoy worked the hypos in rapid succession, administering one to first stop her contractions and the other to stimulate the fetus, and another still to deliver her relief from the pain. He explained to her that he would need to put her under anesthesia. She vociferously declined. If her baby was going to be born, then she must be alert for him and if her baby was not going to live, then she must be there for him as well. He had little time to argue the point.

Nurse Chapel stood in the doorway to Nyota's bay. Having heard the alarms, she came to offer her assistance at once. When she saw what McCoy was doing to Nyota, her heart began to pound. She was losing her baby. Without another thought, Chapel was standing by McCoy- handing him the instruments that she knew he would need.

As quickly as the onset of the emergency, the activity and noise halted. The hypos that McCoy administered had taken effect at once and the contractions began to cease. The physical pain that Nyota felt was nonexistent now and she was able to catch her bearings once again. She closed her eyes as she lay on her back.

Taking deep breaths in and out to calm herself, she thought of Spock for the first time since she viewed the transmission from home. It seemed so long ago as so much had happened in such a small block of time. In a feeble attempt, she mentally reached out for him, much like a Vulcan mate would.

She was consumed by an overwhelming feeling that she could not fathom. She suddenly wanted desperately to see him and longed for the comfort that only he could provide. Despite the omissions of truth and the betrayal of her love for him, she needed and wanted him by her side now. She was inexplicably plagued by a sensation of sadness and extreme loneliness. It wasn't until she searched her heart that she knew what had happened. She was, indeed, alone now as she felt the life force of her child leave her body.

McCoy panted as his heart raced in his chest. He had done the absolute best he could. Dr. Mbenga would later tell him this as well. One moment, the baby was fine and the next moment the baby…wasn't. He looked upon her now. She lay resting on her back, her eyes closed as if in sleep. Yet he knew that she wasn't sleeping, but perhaps praying that all was well with her unborn baby.

How could he tell her? After all the reassurances that he had given her that things would be okay because he would make sure of it…..how could he? Tears came to his eyes and he brushed them quickly away with the sleeve of his medical tunic.

He had, thankfully, chased Chapel out of the bay earlier as she attempted to assist him. He was not worried about a show of emotion in front of the nurse, but merely wanted to offer his friend the privacy and security that she so desperately desired.

He told Chapel that he had things under control- which he did, but even as he stopped Nyota's belly from convulsing, he knew that the baby would not survive. The internal hemorrhaging had been too much for him after all, and the damage was too great for her body to hold on to the tiny life inside.

He stood there now, uncertain of how to proceed. She did not move or stir, and he did not speak. Time . He couldn't do it now. He would wait. He'd wait until she asked or …until he was able to handle being the second man to break her heart in two.


	25. Chapter 25 Return

"What is happening to my ship?" Kirk wondered aloud. He put down the PADD that he was studying and looked at Bones.

"Spock, Uhura, Jess, then Uhura _again, _and now you."

"She's sick, Jim and she asked me so…"

Kirk sighed. "I guess you've got a replacement at the ready, too then?"

"Of course. Mbenga is going to—"

"—Yes, I know. He'll be here later on today. You've told me that already."

He picked up the PADD again and entered the necessary information that would allow the doctor to take his seven day leave of absence from the Enterprise. "It'll do you some good, anyway."

Handing it to McCoy, he sat himself down in his chair with a heavy thud. He looked up at the ceiling as he spoke in exasperation.

"Spock's coming back."

Already poised to exit the room, McCoy stopped in his tracks. He turned around to examine the Captain.

"Son of a -" the doctor began.

"—Easy Bones. He had to come back sometime. He probably wouldn't have so soon if Uhura wasn't hurt."

"So he's worried about Uhura now, is he?" McCoy's voice was laced with contempt for the Vulcan. "Does he know that she won't even be here?"

Kirk turned his face toward Bones. "Should he know that you're taking leave with her?"

One look at the doctor's face made Kirk immediately wish that he could retract the last statement.

"Strike that last one. I didn't mean anything by it."

Silence hung briefly between them.

"No. He doesn't know anything about Uhura's plans and when he gets here in about… forty hours time, Spock is gonna act like Spock and _pretend_ that he doesn't care," said Kirk.

Dr. McCoy shook his head at a thought that only he was privy to.

"It's like a regular soap opera around here." he mumbled as he grabbed his PADD and left.

McCoy spent much of his time the next morning going over the specifics with Dr. Mbenga and the rest of his medical crew. He outlined the additional duties that were required of each of his subordinates and talked with Mbenga at length regarding Nyota's pregnancy. Talking about the very recent tragedy made McCoy feel anxious as he knew that the worst part of Nyota's suffering was yet to come.

Against his insistence and professional medical advice, Nyota had decided to deliver her baby in her family home. McCoy delicately informed her that she would undergo a typical labor and the baby would be delivered then. She quietly took in the information. She decided immediately what she needed to do. There would be a very private funeral at home and the baby would be buried on her property alongside her parents. When she told McCoy of her plans, he complied without further question.

After arranging for shuttle transport for the two of them, McCoy returned to Nyota in Sick Bay. With his bags in hand, he waited patiently outside of his office as Nyota finished a transmission that she was preparing to send to her family on Earth. Although he wanted to allow her privacy as she spoke in front of the small monitor, he couldn't help but overhear. The mounting fatigue and anguish behind her words were too much for him to bear. He moved further out into the corridor and waited.

…..

Once the taxi pulled up to the gates of her estate, memories of Nyota's childhood bombarded her mind. In the corner of the expansive yard where only dirt used to be, she would make pies of mud and construct mountains and rivers out of dirt and water from the old well. She noticed that Esi had replaced the bare spot with fat plants that were native to the area and had made a border of large round stones that Nyota would've killed for to be able to play on as a child.

Esi and her people were the only true family that she had now. Caretakers and farmers on her estate, they had seen her grow from the precocious little girl in pigtails to the unwaveringly serious teenager into an ambitious young cadet. After the death of her grandmother before her acceptance into the Academy, Nyota had found herself the singular owner of the Uhura estate and the large land tracts nearby. Having no need of such a deed, she had given all but the house away—a gift of love to them and a relinquishment of memories.

McCoy took care of the niceties with the driver and removed their belongings. The driver moved to Nyota's side of the vehicle and held out his hand to assist her into the wheelchair. McCoy quickly put down their bags and stepped aside the older man to take his place.

At first, she hesitated. The last thing she wanted was to be around people and noise. She wanted silence. She needed peace. Her decision to come here would not allow her such a respite- she knew. Esi and the rest of the property caretakers (some of whom were even present at _her_ birth) would certainly be making a fuss the moment they see her if they weren't doing so inside the large house already. She steadied herself on the arms of the chair as she lifted her body into the seat. McCoy placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder before announcing their arrival to the monitor mounted above them.

In moments, they were whisked inside and repeatedly hugged and kissed. Even McCoy, who had never met these people in his life, was considered family and they regarded him as they had Nyota. Despite the circumstances, Nyota smiled at this- although she was just going through the motions and inside was emotionally numb.

In the evening, Esi stayed locked in a room with her for a long time. From the sitting room, McCoy could hear sobbing and some speech which eventually turned into soft singing.

_A lullaby, _he thought. _It was right to come here._

As the evening turned into night, McCoy fell into well-deserved, much needed sleep.

In the days that followed, a cloud of melancholy settled over the Uhura home. The Cesarean delivery was textbook in practice and her recovery promising. The funeral had been beautiful but very sad. McCoy, who thought that he was fully emptied of tears, was moved to them by the display of respect and tenderness by the people there. It was evident that Nyota was undoubtedly loved and cherished, and her sorrow was borne by them as well.

Leonard worried about Nyota. At the service, she did not cry. Her stoic face and stiff composure left little clues as to what she was thinking. The worst of it was that even he was unable to reach her now. Esi, aware of the doctor's growing concern, sat on the porch with him after handing him a cup of tea.

"I don't know what to do, Esi. She won't talk to me…ever since the birth….she wouldn't let me put her to sleep for it, refused pain relief afterward, and now -not a single word."

McCoy set his cup down on the small table between them and ran his hands over his face.

"You are tired," she said gently patting his knee, "She grieves, Doctor."

Her accent was heavy, but lovely. Since their arrival, McCoy enjoyed the time spent listening to her speak about Nyota and the land around them. Her easy words and melodic tone could lull him to sleep or captivate him entirely. He sat back in his chair. She sipped her tea.

"When Nyota was little after her mother and father passed, she stopped talking, then too. For a very long time there was nothing from the girl."

McCoy fixed his gaze on a small flower bud in a pot in front of him. He nodded his head in acknowledgement. He knew that many children stopped speaking after going through a traumatic event. It was somewhat making sense to him.

She continued. "Then, one day….she decides 'okay that is enough and I am finished'….and she returns to us. Almost as good as new."

Snapping out of his temporary trance, McCoy added, "She doesn't have to suffer. I can give her some medications…relief…something… to help her work through this."

Esi shook her head quickly from side to side. "She will not agree. She wants to _feel, _Doctor. She must _ feel _first."

It was McCoy's turn to shake his head now, as he couldn't escape the obvious irony.

"Mutism….she's a communications officer, for crying out loud, Esi."

"I know, I know. Why do you think she becomes this in the first place?"

A pause.

Esi took another sip, "Ah, but I don't know….people do things for their own reasons."

"I don't know how to help her," McCoy admitted.

"You just listen and wait. Be her good friend, like you are doing now."

She stood up and walked toward the front door. Before entering, she looked over her shoulder at McCoy who was off in another trance.

"She will come back to us."

And with that, she disappeared into the house.

…

As she expected, the young commander reported back to duty in less than two days time. Chapel greeted him in the lobby of medical bay and ushered him into an empty stall. She made the necessary small talk, asking about his father and his trip back. He, in the attempts to stay calm and polite at the same time, obliged. All etiquettes aside now, Jess got right to it.

"What is this emergency, Christine? How is she?"

Christine wavered. She had not known that things would turn out this way for Uhura. How could she have known that her baby would be in peril? After things were settled again, she searched through Uhura's bay and found no evidence that her pregnant condition had changed. No instruments for that purpose were used, all the hypos were accounted for and no anesthesia was administered. McCoy must have been able to handle things just fine without her. She frowned slightly as she thought of how he dismissed her abruptly when it was clear that her assistance was needed that evening. He guarded the lieutenant jealously as if she were his and the baby his own.

Now, Uhura was gone to continue her pregnancy in secret and keep Paul's baby all to herself.

Christine had, indeed, made the most ethical decision when she sent for Paul. He needed to know what Uhura was planning. Pleased with her own heroics in the situation, Christine strengthened her resolve and answered him.

"I don't know how she is, Commander. The last time I saw her, well….she was very unhappy."

Jess furrowed his brow. "Unhappy?" This is what he had been afraid of while he was away. She didn't' want him, didn't want a baby, didn't want to be a mother. He felt his heart sink.

Sensing his alarm, Chapel informed him that feelings of this nature were normal during pregnancy. She informed him of her whereabouts, but made certain to stress the importance of establishing himself in Uhura's life. She suggested that he see her immediately lest 'things get out of hand'.

"Thank you, Nurse, but I won't be able to leave the ship again. I've just returned and duty doesn't permit me to do so."

Christine shook her head. "You almost sound like Commander Spock, Commander…..it's all about duty with you men. But, I understand. I just thought it best that you knew what was happening behind your back."

She sighed in mock defeat, "Well, at least she has Dr. McCoy to take care of her…so you don't have to worry there."

The young commander fell into deep thought. The last time he had seen Nyota, she seemed depressed. He knew how she felt about her career and her position aboard the Enterprise. They both knew that a starship was no place for an infant. Starfleet command would surely ground her the instant they knew she was going to be a mother. Nyota did not want this. She didn't want any of it. But…would she get rid of his unborn? Could she really be so cruel as to do that without his knowledge or consent? He wasn't so confident now, as he had seemed when Chapel first alerted him to her pregnancy. He remembered how Nyota was reluctant to talk about it. She hadn't even told him. Perhaps she was considering the option, after all. Why else would she have brought McCoy along? He was her friend, her confidant, and the only one who could perform something like this for her without incident or record. He was quickly losing his control of the situation and it was time that he did something about it.

Returning to her company, Jess excused himself to report to the bridge. While his personal life was beginning to crumble, he was still the Acting First Officer of this ship and his duties therein awaited.

…..

As the weeks went by and the lunar months came to a close, things began to slow down aboard the Enterprise. It was once again business as usual and the Captain was beginning to feel more in control over the vessel. Pleased that there were no more conventions and official meetings to have to deal with, he settled back into the large chair in his ready room, content with his current lot. All of his bridge crew was returned, except one—and she would be here in three days time.

On the bridge, Spock worked with his usual precision as he tended both his station and assisted Lt. Hawkins with the difficulties he was encountering with his, in communications. Spock knew that _she_ would be there in seventy one hours and sixteen minutes.

There would be much to discuss with her then. Since his arrival on the Enterprise, he had done little else off duty but think of what to say to her. How could he possibly form an adequate apology? This was, indeed, a delicate situation and he dreaded hurting her any more than he already had. He never wanted any of this to happen- not to him and certainly not to her.

When his father had abandoned his anger and discontentment with Spock after Nero, the young Vulcan's desire to remain in his graces was too overwhelming to ignore. The loss of his mother- a human had united father and son but it seemed that his continued union with Nyota threatened to sever it.

When the Vulcan Elders convened one afternoon to offer a proposition, Spock was more than reluctant to accept…

"Spock, your accomplishments here have been more than satisfying. We ask of you now one last point to consider in your duties to your people."

Spock raised his chin slightly to indicate that he was ready to consider the elder Vulcan male's proposal. He had no concerns to the propriety nor the logical merits of what the elder was about to propose. He had merely been…curious. What more could he do here? He was due to return to the Enterprise in thirteen point four hours and could see no significant task completed in such a short amount of time.

Spock said nothing and the elder continued with his request.

"Starfleet is more than well aware of the situation that faces our race. Much like we have, in the past, assisted humans in their advancement, the Federation has allowed us to request special dispensations on your behalf with regard to your service."

Although he did not express it, Spock's interest had been piqued. None of the Vulcan elders nor High Council members had ever mentioned his involvement in Starfleet. It was a topic of contention among those with whom Sarek served. Spock found it odd that his service to Starfleet would be mentioned now. 

The Elder paused a moment before continuing.

"It is well known, Spock, that you have experienced difficulties during your youth on Vulcan. While your unique heritage has been cited as the reason for your unfortunate castigation, your people call upon you now through us, to commit to the common cause of unification."

Spock waited for his point to be made, a practice that he had grown accustomed to since arriving to New Vulcan.

"Since we can no longer allow our Vulcan bloodlines to thin, we must require the participation of all remaining Vulcan males and females. The members of our society have deemed it absolutely necessary to increase the population of Vulcan infants and children. This can only be done through selective and purposeful bonding between individuals who share this common goal. Our heritage can only be preserved through our own. It is logical."

All eyes rested on the young Vulcan. Spock, as with all of those who had been interviewed, was expected to consent to this logic. He was, however, unable to readily agree. Taking on their stares head on, he responded in his usual calm.

"It is logical to look toward the children of Vulcan in the hopes to re-establish those whom we have lost. My Vulcan Elders, while I am daily reminded of my mixed heritage and my duties to the unfamiliar planet that I now call home, I am unable to comprehend how I am able to perform both my duties to New Vulcan and to Starfleet…. simultaneously."

Sarek's gaze turned from his son to that of the Elder sitting in front of him. He did not want Spock to make the same incorrect choice twice. Having chosen against the Vulcan Science Academy once before had been bad enough, but now with the threat of extinction drawing nearer, Spock's refusal of his Vulcan duties would certainly be a violation of allegiance to his Vulcan heritage and people.

Sarek almost doubted his son and was grateful when he heard the voice of another Elder interrupt the silence.

"Perhaps, we have not been clear in what we wish for you to do, Spock. Your loyalty to Starfleet, is undoubtedly, a reflection of the strengths in which your dual heritage has given you. Indeed, you have a gift for diplomacy in that regard. However, propagation of the species is of the utmost import here, and – as I am sure all of the Elders will agree- it is one that does not require a constant presence on New Vulcan."

Upon the other Elder's comment, heads turned and murmurs filled the tiny room. This was not the arrangement to which they had agreed prior to convening before the Ambassador's son. It was, however, the only one that Spock would even remotely listen to.

When the second Elder spoke again, the room quieted.

"Many eligible Vulcan women await their call to the duty of procreation. Contributing to the Common Goal through the bonds of marriage is their primary agenda. Perhaps, one is a suitable mate for you, Spock."

Spock did not hesitate a reply.

"The act of bonding through marriage is sacred, is it not?"

"Undoubtedly, Spock. It is only through this sacred union that children may be brought forth and taught in the tradition of Surak. You must not forget that the onset of this union takes place at the age of reason—an age that you, yourself are well beyond."

Spock berated himself internally for the ridiculous statement. He had hoped to make a clear point about the ethics surrounding marriage for the sole means of procreation, but this was an issue that was of no concern to the Vulcans. Bonding first took place at the age of seven, after which the couple was required to reunite as adults when the time of mating occurred. Neither love nor compatibility was a determining factor in it. He conceded the point, but he would not satisfy them with a ready answer.

"Perhaps, Spock requires a moment for meditation that will allow him to see the logic in our proposal," said Sarek, speaking up for the first time this evening.

The Elders looked at each other and nodded their heads in agreement. Though they failed to understand the existence of possible fallacy of logic in their proposal, they granted Spock time for reflection. He was half human, after all, and perhaps required this additional time.

The passing of several days found Spock still uncertain about his future. Should he agree to aid New Vulcan by way of marriage and eventual siring of children, or should he risk being branded a traitor of sorts and return to the Enterprise shunned completely by his people? He meditated often, but could not bring himself to resolution.


	26. Chapter 26 Ball and Chain

Unable to see through the haze of his feelings for Nyota, Spock struggled to understand what he had just been told. Chapel had been surprised to see him_. _She even gasped slightly when she walked in and witnessed him standing at the foot of Nyota's bed. Her statement of how she thought he was Commander Jess had sent a slight jolt of alarm through him, but when she had revealed the young commander's continued daily presence in her quarters, something inside of him crumbled.

Spock had made many mistakes in the past with Nyota, but he was not mistaken of the desire that Jess had for her. He sensed it many times as he observed the young man. Often Spock caught him staring at and following her. Against his better judgment, Spock had even spoken to the young commander about his behavior toward the lieutenant one afternoon in the Mess.

And now, he was too late, he knew. He must have failed her. He failed in so many ways- failed to contact her, failed to make her understand his feelings for her, failed to let her know why he did _anything_ he did. She was lost to him now. All of his fears about the other male were confirmed tonight and Spock saw no way to change things. What could he do? Spock surmised (rather harshly), that if Jess was a Vulcan male, he could challenge him to _koon-ut-kal-if-fee _and only then if he and Nyota were bonded.

Spock closed his eyes as he recognized his folly. What was he thinking? He knew that allowing himself to wander this way was illogical, but the idea of destroying the other suitor pleased him immensely. He needed no further explanation as the nurse had done a thorough job of divulging the activities of his former lover. As the nurse stood there babbling, he looked upon the sleeping form once more.

He was a fool for being there, yet he could not proceed on New Vulcan without knowing. He had to know if he had a place in her heart…after all that he had done and failed to do. He realized, however, that in his stead, another had succeeded with her where he had not.

Chapel stood expectantly. Spock did not linger with her in conversation. It was best that he leave. He did so-the burden of regret and sorrow weighing heavily upon his heart.

….

On New Vulcan, the pressures placed upon him by his father did not relent. Spock had been removed from his duties to allow him extra time to consider his decision. Upon Spock's insistence, Sarek had made the arrangements for him to return to the Enterprise for a brief meeting. On Spock's return, Sarek had believed his son to be resigned from Starfleet. What other cause would he have to arguably insist on returning to the ship? When he saw that he returned with no belongings, his father made his inquiries.

"Am I to assume that you have not remitted your resignation to your captain?"

Spock was not in the mood. He was struggling with his emotions and he did not desire another attempt at coercion from his father this night. He stopped and turned to address his father.

"I have not. I do not have the answer that you seek, Father. I require solitude."

He moved toward the hallway.

"It is a woman, Spock."

Spock stopped in his tracks. With his back to his father, he did not offer a reply.

"A human, perhaps," Sarek clarified as he stepped closer to his son. "She is the cause of your troubles."

Resenting his father's words, Spock fought for control. Nyota was _his_ concern and he saw no reason why he should satisfy his father's curiosity. He turned around to face Sarek.

"May I be permitted to seek solitude, Father?" His tone was even.

Sarek stood a moment longer, regarding his son with an accusing eye. He deduced by Spock's attire that he did not leave to tend to Starfleet business. He knew by the slump of his shoulders and the almost imperceptible dip in his voice, that Spock was deeply troubled. Sarek had his suspicions about Spock's possible involvement with a female aboard the Enterprise. He recognized the glances and unspoken gestures between him and a lieutenant aboard the ship during the time of Nero.

Suddenly, his thoughts wandered to those of his late wife. In the pit of his stomach, Sarek felt the stirrings of sorrow once again. Dismissing his son, he retreated from the great room of his home and sealed himself in his bedroom for the night.

Spock did not sleep as it would not come easily. Despondent over the realization that he had been negligent in his treatment of Nyota, Spock struggled throughout the night as a myriad of emotions ripped through him. Earlier aboard the Enterprise, he had been so close to her. She had even spoken to him, although she did not appear to be in a proper state of mind. A transmission sent from the Captain informed Spock of her illness, and he, therefore expected her to be bedridden. He did not expect, however, to be informed of the other man and his excessive displays of attention toward her.

He had meant to stay —she was the purpose of his visit. He had meant to finally tell her the reasons for his apprehension and reluctance in the pursuit of her continued affections. Had he been permitted this, perhaps he could have found his voice and decide against the wishes of his father and the others.

Prior to seeing her, he had considered the advice of his older counterpart—to do what felt right. It had felt right to seek her. It had felt necessary to be certain that she still wanted and cared for him.

…..

In the days that followed, Spock did not permit his father entry into his chambers. He required complete solitude. The influence of others around him would only serve to fuel negative emotions and cloud his logic. He thought of Nyota almost exclusively, devoting his seclusion to reflection and discovery of their failed relationship. He perceived alternate outcomes that each decision would bear, assessing each one carefully. In the dissection of his life, Spock was unable to understand how he himself had come to be. His father had loved his mother- this much was admitted by Sarek, but why had she married _him_?

Reflecting on his childhood, he searched for clues that would explain the truer nature of his parents' relationship. He remembered several mornings when he would secretly watch his mother crying in her garden. He was intrigued by her tears, but did not want to ask why she shed them. There were times when she was irrational, although his mother called the emotion angry. During these times, she would openly argue with Sarek in their home. Though the link must have been strong enough to convey these emotions, Amanda had chosen to verbally express hers to Sarek. Spock could not comprehend the choice of such communication, as it was so meaningless when a better way of expression existed.

What he wouldn't do to have his mother there with him. She was the single joy in his life until Nyota, and he had questions that only she would answer truthfully.

As a young child, Spock was withdrawn and quiet when other Vulcan toddlers were social and expressive. Amanda, worried about the social development of her son, sought the help of many specialists in Shi'Khar. All reassured her that not only was Spock's development normal, but ideal and well above those of other children his age. She did not believe this to be so, however, and against Sarek's wishes, took Spock to Earth to be seen by human pediatricians. By human standards, there was great cause for concern and Amanda was confused about how to help her boy.

After several unproductive appointments with experts across worlds, Amanda decided that the best thing she could do was to teach Spock herself. He was young yet and Sarek's insistence on enrolling him in the primary learning centers was a topic rife with conflict. He often insisted that she obey his wishes and she demanded that he try to see things her way for once.

This was not the only cause for strife between the couple. Sarek was unbending in his demands and opinions and Amanda had a temper that could not be tamed once it had reached its crescendo. Spock deduced that this was common between spouses. Perhaps all relationships had the unavoidable element of conflict. It wasn't until he was a boy of ten years that he began to understand the sadness that Amanda had so sedulously concealed. …

Spock heard his father as he expressed to Amanda his exasperation for him.

"Spock dawdles often in his room. He is too old to waste his time in frivolous pursuits."

Amanda was standing at the large brick stove in the kitchen. She had been preparing the evening meal for them when Sarek came in upset. While his voice was measured and controlled, his words and curt gestures told her that he was not happy. She sighed audibly and turned to face him.

"What has he done to upset you, now?"

_One day_—she wished for only one day that Sarek would not complain or scold their young son.

"He was made aware of the Youth Science Council nominations taking place this evening at his center, yet he lingers as though he has no—"

"Sarek, he does not care about the nominations nor does he care about the council. He has no friends there….I don't blame him for not wanting to attend."

She took a long ladle and dipped it into the large pot on the stove.

"What is he doing in there, anyway?" she asked.

Sarek's mouth twitched slightly downward. "He is preparing a gift, of sorts….in acknowledgement of your day of birth."

Amanda halted suddenly. Stirring the pot in front of her, she nodded her head as she remembered that today was, indeed her birthday. She smiled at her son's loving gesture. Turning around to face Sarek, she did not attempt to hide her amusement.

"He's right. Today _is _my birthday."

Sarek walked to the table in the center of the room.

"It is a day like all others, Wife. This acknowledgment and celebration of one's 'birthday' is not considered an event out of the ordinary in my culture," he said apathetically.

Placing a hand on her hip, she tilted her head before retorting. "But it is in mine."

"Irrelevant… as we currently reside on Vulcan. Was it not your decision to adopt the ways of my people and culture when we were wed?"

"That was _your _decision, Sarek," she corrected.

Sarek returned his remark without thought, "And Spock was _yours_."

The instant he spoke the ugly words to her, Sarek struggled to recover them.

"Amanda. I apologi—"

She held up her hand to silence him. There was no salvaging this discussion.

"You point that out repeatedly as…if—" she began, but choked away the rest of her comment.

" I am…tired of...," she attempted again but could not finish her response. Surprised at his unrestrained cruelty, Amanda quickly stormed out of the room and out the back door.

When Spock found her, she was sitting in the far corner of her large garden. She was kneeling in front of her plants and held a pair of shears in one hand. When he heard her sniffle loudly, he placed a hand on her shoulder. Amanda turned to find her darling boy standing before her, a small decorated box held in one outstretched hand. She smiled as she tried to wipe the tears from her face. Dropping the shears, she cupped his small hand in hers.

"What you say now is 'Happy Birthday'," she said tenderly.

Spock studied the streaks from salty drops on her face. He felt a deep sense of sadness for her then, and fought the urge to cry as well. He did not like to see his mother in tears and was dismayed to know that his father had been the one who had brought her to them.

"Happy birthday, Mother"

Through the parental link, he sensed her regret from inciting the comment that he overheard. She made apologies on Sarek's behalf and reassured Spock of his father's love and pride for him. He heard these conveyances so many times from his mother, but had yet to receive the confirmation from Sarek, himself. Spock suspected that he never would.

…..

Spock recalled the memory in perfect detail as he had with many others just like it. He quelled the growing resentment toward his father that the old memories brought forth. Putting aside those emotions, he considered Sarek through the eyes of an adult.

He pondered what manner of man his father had become now after so many years and the loss of his mother. The solace he had received from his father many months ago after Nero's destruction had been enough of a sentimentality toward the direction of familial harmony; but Spock had not seen _that _man since and Sarek continued to treat him in his usual callous manner.

But as it were with all sons, allegiance to the alpha male in the family was ever present. Even now, Spock regarded his father with respect and admiration. He thought often of Sarek's many accomplishments on Vulcan both old and New. Spock could only hope to achieve half as much.

But hadn't he himself reached a point at which he functioned most competently and consistently in the name of Vulcan restoration? Ceaselessly laboring for the greater good had given him much satisfaction, but little reward. A true Vulcan, however, would never do anything simply for the sake of glory or personal reward. Spock had always believed this, but now that so much was at stake in his own life, he could not help but feel unjustly deprived of his destiny.

_The needs of the many_…..Spock thought to himself repeatedly, _outweigh the needs of the few…or one._

With the mantra still chiming in his mind, Spock almost declared his decision. Almost.

His mind ceaselessly circled back to the same arguments. He wanted to return to the Enterprise and he wanted Nyota by his side. Although she had chosen another and Spock no longer held claim to her, he deluded himself into thinking that he would be content enough with loving her from a distance. He would simply perservere as her friend, if permitted or more platonically, a co-worker. But not having her in his life at all would prove to be too difficult, and he feared losing his sanity as time went on without her. To be with her in any way was better than a life of servitude away from her on New Vulcan. Spock completed his analysis of self and circumstance, opened the doors to his chambers, and set forth to find Sarek.

…

Valeris spoke little as she politely bowed her head to Spock. Chosen to be his life mate, she found great honor in contributing to the needs of her Vulcan people through the small sacrifice that would be her marriage. She had told Spock that she would do her best to be the ideal bondmate, though Spock had no idea what that entailed. To the High Council, she vowed that she would bear many children from Spock and she gave them thanks for choosing her to be wed to the Ambassador's son.

Although he was not entirely pleased with Spock's acceptance of the Elder's amended proposition, Sarek was satisfied that Spock saw the logic in bonding to a Vulcan female. Wanting his son to eventually be a part of the High Council, Sarek had difficulty seeing how Spock's continued service with Starfleet would allow him to fully serve New Vulcan. He wished for Spock to remain planetside and live out his existing days as a true Vulcan citizen, father, and diplomat; but Sarek knew Spock's inclinations and the rebellious streak that he had inherited from his mother would not be easily tamed by a father's simple wishes.

Over the months after bonding with Valeris, Spock felt no different than he had before. He saw Valeris daily in the morning and again in the late evening prior to retiring. They held separate bedrooms and when they came to their marital bed to satisfy their copulatory obligations, the act was stilted and awkward. Spock did not mind this at first, but soon the realization that this was all that his sex life would ever become dawned upon him and he quickly fell into further despair.

Spock did not enjoy the feelings that often accompanied his thoughts of Valeris. He found himself often engaging in the shameful act of comparing her to Nyota—something that he felt guilt and disgrace over. Yet, he found his mind wandering to thoughts of his ex-lover and the ways in which she responded to him both in polite conversation and in the bedroom.

Especially shameful were his nocturnal conjurings of her image when he thought that Valeris was unaware. She had never made mention of these occurrences to Spock even when he started to imagine Nyota's sensual form and lovely face during intercourse. This was not the husband and bondmate he wished to become, but his mate's complete lack of interest and participation in their relationship and sex, left Spock little to look forward to. Valeris did not like to be touched unnecessarily and found talking to be illogical unless it was to a purpose and its point quickly reached.

Perhaps it was the human side of Spock that longed for the sexual preludes that prepared one for intercourse. Such foreplay, he knew, would never be allowed by his new wife. She saw no point in touching and caressing—scoffed at the notion of genital stimulation for pleasure, and was repulsed by the very human act of kissing. Procreation. It was all that concerned her. She endeavored to become pregnant with every sexual encounter. For Spock, he could not help feeling superfluous to her life. He felt like an instrument, and she his employer. No longer able to withstand the coldness between them, Spock pondered whether he should admit his feelings to her. Valeris was a stranger to him and the idea that she would always remain that way, vexed his spirit.

In his desperation and against his better judgment, he broached the subject with Valeris one morning.

"You are displeased with me," Valeris said through their link.

She had opened her end of the link after sitting down for their morning meal. It was not often that they ate together in this fashion, but when they did, she made certain that she did not neglect her wifely duties and permitted her husband entry into her guarded thoughts.

"It is more apparent that you are displeased with me," Spock responded as he continued to assemble his meal.

"I am not human, and therefore in no need of preliminary niceties to discourse, Spock. Speak your mind."

Spock did not hesitate further with his concerns and presented them to her at once.

"I am concerned with the manner in which sexual relations are initiated between us."

Valeris straightened her spine as she tilted her chin up slightly in an imperceptible show of defiance to her husband. This was a conversation that she was not willing to have and she felt somewhat insulted at his disrespect for her sensibilities.

"Before you choose to continue this discussion, remind yourself first that you are no longer among humans. In my recollection of our times of intercourse, I do not see a need for concern as the deed had always concluded accordingly. Your concern is unwarranted."

Spock paused and put his eating utensils down beside his plate. He did not expect to hear otherwise from the female sitting before him, but a little show of interest in his displeasure would have been welcomed. He changed his earlier statement into a query.

"Are you displeased?"

"I am neither pleased nor displeased. For what reason would I be either?" she asked.

"Do you yearn for more in your life….our…bond?"

Valeris regarded Spock with impassioned eyes and an expressionless face.

"I yearn for nothing. I wish only to produce a suitable heir to be taught and raised in our Vulcan ways."

"You have not bared yourself to me, which is unusual for bonded mates. Would you not agree?"

Still holding fast to her cool demeanor, Valeris cocked her head to one side.

"Unusual? I do find it unusual that our relations have not brought forth a child. Your loins tarry in their mission, Husband. I do not believe the sight of my bare flesh will aid the speed of conception. Yours is an illogical inquiry."

Containing his growing annoyance, Spock met her eyes and closed their mental link.

"Do you not seek emotional satisfaction for yourself from your mate?" he spoke aloud.

He knew that she would cut him into ribbons for the question, but he was nevertheless curious to see her reaction. She was so much in control of her emotions and actions around Spock that he was beginning to long for signs that would convince him that she was even alive.

Her eyes widened ever so slightly before narrowing into slits.

"It is understandable that you do not realize that my full Vulcan heritage precludes me from needing such things, Spock. If your goal in having this discussion is to further emphasize your shortcomings, then consider yourself victorious in your endeavor."

Without further comment, Valeris slid her chair back and rose from the table, leaving her meal untouched.

The rest of Spock's day was spent carrying out the tasks given him by his father and reflecting on the poor status of his life. It had certainly taken a turn for the unexpected and he feared that his emotional control would soon be compromised if he did not return to the Enterprise soon.

As if on cue, Sarek summoned him to his office. Once arrived, Spock learned that he was to accompany his father and a small Vulcan entourage to a social diplomatic gathering aboard the Enterprise. Upon hearing this news, Spock's melancholy immediately began to dissipate. It was soon replaced, however, as he learned that Valeris would also be in attendance.

…

On board the Enterprise, McCoy sent transmissions to Nyota on a daily basis. There were times when she was well enough to converse with him as he asked her how she was fairing. Other times, she stayed hidden and withdrawn and Leonard would speak with Esi then. As the end of her leave came closer, Nyota spoke more frequently with him. Wanting her to be prepared for what she would find on the ship upon her arrival, Leonard updated her on the happenings aboard the Enterprise and conveyed warm wishes and greetings from her friends.

He knew that it was too soon for her to return, yet when he extended the offer to write her for more convalescence leave, she declined. This transmission was their last before she returned to the ship, and he wanted to be absolutely certain that she was ready.

"There's no rush, Doll. I can pretty much give you all you need- well….within reason. You know how Jim can be."

He smiled warmly as he spoke and Nyota gave him a feeble smile in return.

"I know how Jim can be….which is precisely why I've got to get back. I'll be fine. I'm bored here and I don't want to wallow in grief any longer. Esi won't let me do anything for myself and I feel…..helpless. There's so much sadness here, Leonard….and it's too damned quiet"

"It's your decision, Uhura, but I've got to say that I don't like the idea of you being around Spo….uh…others with whom you aren't ready to interact….not yet, anyway. You're absolutely sure about this?" he asked clumsily.

" I can take care of myself. And I won't do anything that I don't want to do."

"Lord knows I know that," he said shaking his head, "You're absolutely sure about this?"

She looked at him solemnly and nodded her head with conviction.

"It's time to go back. "

McCoy felt that her words sounded a tad forced, as if it were she who she was trying to convince. Perhaps she needed this. Being back on the bridge in front of her console doing what she did best might be the best thing for her. He knew that she was strong-willed and the heartache that she had endured was still being dealt with. At least with her on the ship, he could be there to offer assistance when she could not manage emotionally on her own.

The latter thought made McCoy think of Spock. He had been aboard the Enterprise now for several weeks and he acted like nothing had happened. He probably didn't even ask about Nyota's whereabouts or well-being. McCoy surmised that the Vulcan was probably riddled with guilt over how he had handled the whole situation. Their interactions were limited as McCoy did not trust his ability to keep his composure around Spock. He wanted to find some closure for Nyota, but knew that it wasn't truly his place to do so.

Spock seemed to sense the doctor's irritation with him. He made certain to keep his distance and deal with him only when absolutely necessary. Many times, they would work in the same vicinity in complete silence- each regarding the other with obvious disdain. Kirk had noticed the widening of the rift between them, and when he asked openly about it, each man feigned ignorance to the matter. Silently, they waited for Nyota to return. The days were fast approaching and she would soon be boarding the ship in a matter of hours. McCoy wanted to be the first to greet her and ensure her comfort upon her arrival. Although Kirk and the rest of the bridge crew were excited and relieved to finally have her back, they all agreed to allow her some space and time to get herself back on track.

Spock, however, found himself in somewhat of an emotional quandry. He found that he was excited to see her, but could not dismiss the feeling of fear that had plagued him since his return to the ship. He knew that he had erred, perhaps irrevocably so, and he was struggling to understand how to prevent her from despising him. His scientific mind could never prepare him for this failing. His emotional control was slowly fading, and for once in his life, he did not care.


	27. Chapter 27 Agenda

**A/N: **_My apologies for the length on this one. I am anxious to end this on Ch. 30 (I'm sure you all are ready as well)_

_Like the other chaps, no beta on this one- so please keep in mind. _

_Some serious proofreading and editing is in order when all is said and done…._

McCoy met Uhura in shuttle bay main as she exited the craft in which she had spent the better half of six hours asleep.

When she had begun her journey, her head was aching with all of the details she forced herself to mentally list. She wanted to make a smooth transition back to work and she thought of how she was going to deal with those she knew would make that task difficult. As she thought for the millionth time of how she would handle Spock, she was reminded of Paul which led her to think of Chapel. Her stomach began to ache. She was beginning to feel the anxiety form in her gut. She shut her eyes and practiced the relaxation techniques that she had learned from Spock long ago.

When she awoke, she was startled to find the craft entering the main shuttle area of the Enterprise. She quickly sat up and began fussing with her hair and face. She didn't know who she was going to find waiting for her, but she wanted to make sure that she looked…healthy. When she emerged from the craft, McCoy greeted her with a wide smile. They hugged each other and said their hellos before heading to her quarters. She told him that she was tired and wanted to get some rest before she did anything else. Leonard was more than pleased with her request and grabbed her belongings as he led her to the nearest lift.

Much to her surprise, Nyota found herself falling into deep sleep again once she settled back into her room. She awoke in the dead of night and found the small indicator light on her console blinking furiously in the dark. She pondered whether she should listen to her messages, but decided against it when she felt her stomach grumble its request for food. She wasn't due on the bridge for another day yet and she looked forward to catching up with friends.

Assembling herself, she headed out to the dining hall to the public replicator.

Once in the Mess, she noticed a disheveled Kirk sitting in the corner of the dimly lit room. He was alone and looking over a PADD, a cup of coffee in one hand. Being the only one in the facility, he was quickly alerted to her presence. He looked up and was startled to see her as he was certain that she would be fast asleep at such a late hour especially after such a long journey. He smiled and waved her over as soon as he caught her eye.

Nyota took the small pastry and glass of juice she had replicated and headed toward him. She did not expect to see him until the morning, when she would pay him a friendly visit before officially reporting to duty the next day. She set her things down on the table after he gestured for her to take the seat adjacent him.

"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes….welcome back, Lieutenant."

Noticing the bags underneath his eyes, Nyota smiled at the comment.

"Sore eyes result from lack of sleep….and thank you, Sir. It's good to be back."

He took a sip of his coffee.

"Just good? I thought you'd be ecstatic. I trust that your trip went well?"

She nodded her head and started to prepare her food. After a few seconds, she stopped and rested her hands on her lap. She looked at the Captain as if she wanted to tell him something and unsure of how he would take it. In the brief silence, Kirk finished logging off of his PADD and set it down beside him. As if sensing her apprehension, he turned his complete attention to her, shifting in his seat as he did so.

"It's really great to have everyone back," he said, "It's about time things got back to normal around here. It's been kinda nutty while you were gone."

He sighed deeply and clasped his hands on the table in front of him. Nyota looked down at the table, avoiding his eyes. A highly observant Kirk exaggerated a head tilt as he tried to get her to meet his gaze. Something was wrong and this time he wanted to know what.

"Something wrong, Uhura?"

Nyota looked at him. She looked around the room once before speaking.

"Well, Sir—" she began.

Kirk held up his hand to silence her in mid-sentence.

"Off the record, and out of uniform, Uhura…..right now- I'm not Sir. I want you to speak your mind."

She paused for a second before exhaling fully. She had not planned on telling him this soon, but felt that she owed him for all of the drama that she'd caused. She started to nervously run her hands down her thighs. She hated when she did this. She gathered herself mentally and took control of herself.

"I'm leaving the Enterprise."

A pause.

"I put in my request to be reassigned."

Another pause. Kirk looked at her as if she were speaking another one of her languages—one that he could not even begin to puzzle out. He said nothing as he let her words sink in.

"I don't know where they'll send me, but I feel that it's for the best."

Satisfied with her explanation to her Captain, Uhura sank into the back of her chair. She was relieved to get that little bit of business over and checked off of her mental agenda.

When Kirk found his voice, it was calm and composed.

"This is about Spock and McCoy, isn't it? Look, Uhura….I don't quite know the hows or whys with your relationship with those two, but I'm pretty sure that it can all get worked out somehow. I don't think that you have to do something as drastic as leaving."

He was being insensitive. Uhura knew that he would react negatively to her news, but she didn't think that he would minimize her situation like that. Of course, in his defense, he didn't really know what her situation was, but that fact still hadn't stopped his words from getting to her. She tried to smooth out the situation.

"We are speaking freely, right?" she confirmed. He shrugged and nodded his head. She continued.

"Jim, I have my own personal reasons for transferring. It's not just about Spock. I just think that this is for the better—"

"Hold up. I knew that something like this was going to happen—I _knew_ it." His voice was full of irritation now.

"Even when we were involved with Nero, I knew that there would be some problems on the bridge with you being there."

Surprised at his words, she sat up straight. _What the hell was that supposed to mean-problems?—with me on the bridge?_

Sensing her confusion, Kirk continued.

"Look, Uhura….you're a distraction to men nearly everywhere you go—I think you probably know that by now. Being the only female of your….caliber…on the bridge, well—guys tend to lose focus at times. That's what I meant by what I said."

Uhura shook her head. She knew that he could be sexist at times, but she never thought he would outright show it now that he was in a position of command. She didn't appreciate where this conversation was heading, but she managed to maintain her cool and check her tongue. She thought it best to say nothing in the meantime.

Kirk didn't seem to notice her attempts at self control and continued on his tirade.

"I think that requesting a reassignment is a mistake. Since I've known you, all of you've talked about was the Enterprise. At the Academy, you wouldn't go out anywhere with anyone to do anything….it was all about your studies so that you could get _here_—right _here_ where you are now. Why would you throw that all away?"

Uhura sighed and turned her head away. She looked up at the ceiling and at the walls – anywhere else other than her present companion. She was growing a little frustrated and wanted the conversation to end.

"Jim….It was a hard enough decision to make and I really don't want to be talked out of it. And…it _is _my decision."

"Wrong. It's my decision, Lieutenant. Don't forget, that I have to okay your transfer before Starfleet will do anything with your request. And I have to tell you truthfully…I don't plan on letting you go without a fight. Absolutely not."

"I need this, Captain. I really need you to help me here. I'm asking you to please let me go."

They sat staring at each other in silence. He couldn't believe what she was doing to him and she didn't want him to make things difficult for her. They sat quietly this way for a while longer.

Kirk was the first to break.

"No. End of discussion. My answer is no. You're staying here. If you have to take it all the way up the chain, then so be it. But, I'm not going to make it easy."

He was getting mad, now, she knew. But she was pissed too. She grit her teeth while she glared on.

"This is why romance on the bridge should be against the regs," he said under his breath.

That did it. She was beyond pissed now. Driven to the point where she could no longer control her mouth, Uhura defended herself with her best weapon.

"First of all, I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Spock. I'd be dead like everyone else on the Farragut. Secondly, _you_ wouldn't be Captain of the Enterprise if it weren't for Spock .…and finally…..what he and I do _off_ the bridge is none of your business."

"It is when it starts to interfere with the running of this ship."

He relaxed his shoulders and lowered his voice.

"Look, Uhura. I know that relationships aren't easy and I know that sometimes we inadvertently form them with people that we are constantly in close proximity with…but—"

It was her turn to cut him off. She jumped in, startling him slightly.

"—I don't need a lecture on relationships, especially from you. So if you don't mind, I'll just go now. I understand your position on my decision, but please know that I have no intention of staying here."

With that, she picked up her food and left.

…

It was late into the morning when Nyota emerged from her quarters. Earlier, she had been standing in front of her cheval criticizing herself. She thought that she looked thin and frail. The months spent at home in constant sorrowful solitude left its toll on her small frame, and the clothing that once became too snug on her before, were hanging loosely about her now.

Today was the day that she would start to set things right in her life. She had created a list of people in her head and was determined to reach out to each one. She did not know where this newfound resolution came from, but she promised herself that she would not leave the ship until she had made her peace with each one. She was going to seek out her friends and acquaintances and say her farewells in the attempt to start anew. Finally resigned to wearing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt, she set out to begin her tasks for the day.

Spock stepped out of the turbo lift and headed toward the corridor that led to Nyota's quarters. He was not needed on the bridge for another few hours and wanted to greet her before everyone else monopolized her time. In truth, he had thought of nothing but her since well before her arrival on the ship and the excitement at seeing her again was too great to contain. He did not intend to enter into heavy discussions with her this morning as the time allotted would not be suitable for such discourse. He simply wanted to extend a 'warm welcome', as it were.

As he rounded the corner to her hallway, he noticed someone already standing in front of her door. Spock identified the man as he moved closer to him. Commander Jess was facing her entrance staring at a small space directly in front of him. With arms hanging down by his sides, the young commander looked uncertain as to whether he should sound his arrival.

After a few seconds more, Jess noticed that Spock was drawing closer. He did not want a confrontation with the Vulcan right now and the timing of his arrival was certainly not conducive to initiating the discussion that Jess wished to have with Nyota. Spock stood aside the other man. Jess turned to face him boldly. For a few moments they stood there regarding one another. Neither man was willing to back down and leave. Each waited for the other to speak.

The silence was broken by the approach of people coming down the corridor. Jess noticed immediately that Chapel was among the group. She smiled brightly as she abandoned her friends and walked toward the men.

"She's not in there, Gentlemen." Her voice held a hint of amusement as she spoke. "I just saw her in Medical Bay Main."

Chapel looked from one officer to the other. They both had solemn expressions on their faces and she was curious to know what was going on.

"Is…..everything okay, here? There isn't a problem is there?" She furrowed her brows in concern.

Spock spoke next.

"No, Nurse. The commander and I were just leaving."

Spock nodded his farewell and moved toward the lift. Jess followed soon thereafter.

….

Nyota waited for McCoy in the main sitting area of Medical Bay Main as he prepared an examining booth for her. The smell of the facility brought back bad memories and she closed her eyes and clenched her fists tightly to clear herself of them. Mercifully, Leonard did not make her wait long and when he brought her through the back hall, it was not in the booths, but directly into his office where he'd set up a table for her examination.

"I thought this might be a better setting for you." he said as he assembled his equipment. "You can just go through that door and change into a gown."

He pointed to a door in the far end of the room.

As Nyota headed toward it, she asked "Is that the lavatory?"

"No, that's the other door. That one leads to my sleeping area."

She nodded her head in understanding and entered the room. She undressed and pulled the gown over her head. As she fiddled with the closing straps on the sides of the garment, a small glittery box on a small end table by the bed caught her eye. It lay among other common items which made it even more conspicuous and she couldn't help but wonder what it was. Deciding that she would just walk over to it to get a closer look , she was surprised to find that it was a present. She hadn't intended on picking it up, or even touching it, but when she noticed her name inscribed in small neat writing on the object, she could no longer control her curiosity. A million thoughts went through her mind as she lifted the small box. It could possibly contain a ring as it was just the right size for such an item. Her heart began to beat faster. She did not want this to be a ring for her. She did not want to tell another man that she only saw him as a friend and nothing more…..especially not Leonard McCoy.

_Please…..don't let this be what I think it is. Please no…_

She braced herself as she removed the lid from its base. Inside, she saw three small stone shapes engraved with the basic Vulcan syllables on each side. They were colored in a beautiful blue hue and strung together with silken blue ribbon. Inside the box was a piece of cream parchment that was meant for the inscription of a message. She turned the small piece of stationery over and read it. Tears began to well in her eyes as she returned the stones with the parchment to its container.

"You okay in there?"

McCoy's voice startled her and she moved from her temporary dressing room into the office where he stood waiting. She approached him slowly and he frowned immediately when he saw that she had been crying. He moved toward her as he asked her what was wrong. He halted immediately when he saw the small box in her hand.

Feeling like a dolt for forgetting about the gift, McCoy ran his hand over his face as he gently reached for the box in her hand.

"Aw, hell. I'm so sorry, Nyota. I forgot… that I had this in there."

He was stumbling over his words. He had bought the item months ago and had it delivered in a shipment that came in with medical supplies from a nearby starbase. He had intended to present it to Nyota on the day she decided to know the sex of her baby. It was supposed to be his cute and clever way to surprise her. Instead, all it seemed to do was upset her. He hadn't meant for her to see it and he felt absolutely foolish for even having it in his possession.

Nyota could see that he was struggling with what to say next. She handed him the box and pulled him in for a hug.

"Thank you, Leonard. Thank you for being such a good friend to me," she said quietly.

Startled by her gesture and her words, he hesitated before returning the hug.

"Anytime," he said back to her, "I just wish that things turned out better for you, that's all."

She sniffled and slowly pulled out of the embrace.

When the exam was concluded, Nyota left Sick Bay and headed for her quarters. She wanted to clean up before heading out to the dining hall next. She knew that Rand would be there getting lunch soon and she wanted to catch her to set up a meeting later on in the evening after her shift. In her quarters, she showered and pondered again what she should wear. It seemed that all of her civilian clothes were a few sizes too big for her now. She surmised that if she wore something baggy, she could better hide her diminished figure and she wouldn't have to endure the comments that others would make as a result of her recent transformation. In the meantime, she would work on getting some meat onto her bones. She was about to head out when she heard her door chime.

"Enter," she called toward the entrance.

Stepping through her doors, Paul did not say a word and waited for her to emerge from her sleeping room. Nyota noticed him right away and greeted him with a smile as she stepped into her shoes. She bent over to tie them and stepped closer to embrace him in a friendly hug.

"I haven't seen you in so long," she said, her arms wrapped about him. "How are you?"

Surprised by her seemingly cheerful mood, the young commander remained rooted to his spot unable to return her embrace. Nyota moved back and looked at him. He too, had grown thin and he looked pale in the face. Her smile disappeared as she regarded him.

"Paul, is everything alright?"

"You don't look pregnant," he said flatly, ignoring her question.

Taken aback by his comment, Nyota frantically searched her mind for any memory that would indicate where she might have slipped and told him about her pregnancy. She could find none. Not knowing exactly what else to say, she shook her head.

"I'm not," she barely managed.

"Not anymore, you mean," he spat.

Nyota felt a heaviness in her chest. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Surely, Leonard didn't….

"How could you do that without even telling me, Nyota? I really thought I knew you better than that. I had just as much of a say as you did. The last thing I told my dad was that he was going to be a grandfather. Then you do …..this." He waved his arm in front of her, gesturing toward her belly.

The myriad of thoughts that went through her head all flashed rapidly in tandem as she began to understand what he was saying. He thought _he _was the father of her baby…..and somehow he thought she had done something to it. Conflicting emotions tangoed with one another as she struggled to find the words that would make this right. She felt sadness at his mention of her lost baby, but also anger at his presumption and accusations. If he had known all this time, why hadn't he confronted her? Was she so frightening that he couldn't have talked to her about it?

She could feel his fierce glare upon her as he waited for her to respond. She did the best that she could.

"Paul. First of all—yes, I _was _pregnant. I wasn't sick. I was pregnant," she waited a moment before delivering the blow, "but….you…weren't the father."

She waited again to allow the admission to sink in. He shifted to his other foot. Needing to understand, he rubbed both hands over his face and tried to clear his head.

"What are you talking about?...Who's the…"

As realization dawned on him, he took a step back. He gave her a sorrowful smile and chuckled softly in utter disbelief as he shook his head.

"Fucking Vulcan. Of course," he breathed out.

Surprised at her own feelings of sadness for him, Nyota gently laid her hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, Paul. I should have told you. I was just…so…confused then."

Paul removed her hand from his arm. He couldn't seem to look her in the face.

"I'm sorry too. And….you _should_ have told me." He was calmer now -his voice laden with despair.

He did not wait for her to say any more on the matter. He turned his back to her and moved toward her door. As the doors slid open, he paused and looked over his shoulder at her. His next words were…unusual to her but they wouldn't even register until much later.

"I would be careful around that nurse."

She didn't really understand the nature of the message or its timing. She felt regret and disappointment. Paul was such a good man- capable in so many ways. He would have been a wonderful father and the guilt that she felt at this thought made the tears surface once again. He was a good friend to her. She was certain that he would want nothing to do with her now. She watched as he exited without another word.

She was beginning to feel sorry for herself again-for herself and all that she had been through. Such a breakdown in spirit was exactly what she feared. She knew that her resolve would be the next to disintegrate if she didn't get a handle on herself. She had been through worse in life and she knew how to handle life's punches. But this…this conversation came completely by surprise. She was not in the least bit aware of anyone else knowing about her pregnancy. She surmised that it must have been Chapel. She did take care of her all those months ago when everyone thought that she was infected with a virus. Surely, the nurse would have noticed something awkward. Yet she chose to tell no one…..no one but Paul.

But why? Most importantly, did Spock know? She did not want to dwell on these musings at the moment. It was simply too much. She would tuck these questions away for now and examine them later when the day was done. Right now, she wanted quiet solitude and escape from her sorrow. She looked through her nightstand drawer locating a small bottle halfway filled with tiny red pills that McCoy had prescribed for her before leaving Kenya. They were used to help her sleep. She hadn't wanted anything to do with them initially, but found them to be a most suitable answer to her body's ceaseless demands for sleep when her mind would not allow it. Right now proved to be such a time. Swallowing the tablet, she kicked off her shoes and sweatpants and crawled into bed.

…..

Spock waited patiently as he sat in front of his personal console in the living area of his quarters. He was going through his messages when he found a transmission from New Vulcan waiting for him. He cleared his queue of all other messages before opening it. Sarek's face slowly came into view as Spock looked onward. He deduced that his father was informing him of some new task that he was to accomplish for the Council. Spock sat back in his chair and rested the palms of his hands on his legs. Onscreen, Sarek informed Spock that his wife had been trying to contact him through the ship's secured frequencies, but was unable to get through to him. Spock wondered why she did not just send a transmission to his personal unit when, as if on cue, Sarek responded with an answer.

"Valeris did not feel that you would be in your quarters. While I do not understand her logic in this matter, I have found that wives seem to possess a second intuition, as humans say, for such things."

Spock was silent. He waited for Sarek to finish speaking before clearing the message. Afterward, he decided to open a frequency to initiate a transmission to New Vulcan.

The face of Spock's bondmate appeared slowly on the console. She spoke first, the only gesture that alluded to her excitement.

"Spock, I am with child."

Her face was unchanged from its usual nonexpressive state to which Spock was accustomed. He stared at her, speechless to her news. Valeris looked on impatiently. She had expected more from him. Sensing her irritation, Spock snapped out of his momentary trance.

"Have you ascertained the approximate time of the child's birth?" Spock asked.

"Predicting a precise moment of birth is not possible, but I have ascertained that the child will arrive in approximately eight months and three weeks."

"Are you certain?" he asked.

"I have also received the same estimated date of delivery from a medical specialist here on New Vulcan."

Spock paused for a brief moment to perform the calculations in his head.

"I ….am… not the father," he said slowly as the implications of this realization unfolded in his mind.

Valeris sat still and proud, unmoved by his accusation.

"Another has proven his interest and….loyalty to me," she casually admitted.

Without hesitation, Spock responded.

"I will not champion you in battle, Valeris."

Silence permeated the air. Valeris knew the consequences that Spock's declaration brought forth. He would not keep her as his wife, as Vulcan law gave him the right to publicly declare her an unsuitable mate. Puzzled by his response, Valeris raised one eyebrow and regarded her husband as she chose her words.

"You would have me dishonored among our people? I believed you to be united in New Vulcan's cause, Spock. A child was needed, and now a child has been provided."

Any other husband would have been outraged at his wife's shameless indifference toward a betrayal such as this. Spock, however, felt only great relief. He had felt the heavy burden of the mistake that he made by accepting Valeris as his bondmate, but now he sought this opportunity that would allow him to both keep his promise to the Elders and terminate the marriage that he never wanted.

She continued, "I will not declare kal-if-fee, if that is your concern, Spock."

"It is not my concern, Valeris. However, the nature of your betrayal will be evident upon the presentation of a child whose parentage is questioned."

She paused for a brief moment, considering her options.

"The logic in my actions would, no doubt, be evident to the members of the High Council. You were not able to produce an heir with me, therefore, I have chosen the most logical solution to your failing. The fault does not lie with me."

Without awaiting his response, Valeris terminated the transmission.

Spock removed himself from his console and prepared his meditation table. He needed to submerge himself in his thoughts regarding the recent events so that he may find a solution to his growing dilemma.

The news of Valeris' pregnancy was not surprising in itself. Spock had engaged in the sexual act with her several times with this intended outcome. However, the introduction of another male into the situation which had , at first, proven to be advantageous for him, was now another hurdle for him to overcome. Upon hearing of another suitor, Spock had expected Valeris to ask for a dissolution of their marriage by simple request or through kal-if-fee. She surprised him, however, when he realized that she intended to do neither.

Spock began to question whether her claims of his sterility were true. This was a possibility after all, and he had not had occasion to be medically tested to the contrary. He surmised that he could find these answers through a simple examination performed by Dr. McCoy. If he could prove to the Council that he was free of defects, Valeris would be unable to sustain her reasoning for committing adultery. This proof would settle the marital conflict immediately. Spock would have the right to divorce her at once.

The thought of asking McCoy to aid him in this endeavor made Spock feel ill at ease. Things were clearly not well with their relationship and although McCoy never made his dislike for the Vulcan a secret, things had always been somewhat amicable before. Now, however, something had changed. His contempt for Spock had grown since he had returned to the Enterprise. It had something to do with Nyota, he guessed, but was not sure why the doctor felt such disdain so strongly—something he would have to investigate further later.

Spock was beginning to feel more confident about his situation. Although Valeris proved to be a clever and cunning female, he also saw her as an eager manipulator. She would not easily give up his name and property….but neither would he. He would need more time to think upon things. He would need to find more options for himself. Most of all, he would need to gain the trust of Dr. McCoy.

….

Several hours had passed when Nyota awoke from her drug-induced nap. Everyone on the alpha shift would be off now, possibly getting dinner or unwinding in the recreation rooms located throughout the ship. Earlier she wanted to see her friends and spend some time catching up with them. Now, however, she just wanted to find a quiet place to sit and think. She put on her sweat pants before making herself presentable. A soft chime sounded the arrival of a guest and Nyota quickly finished her makeup before opening her door.

"Damn you've gotten thin." said Janice smiling as she pushed her way into the room.

She had a bottle of tequila in one hand and a box wrapped in red and orange colored paper in the other.

"Just a little welcome home gift for you." She handed Nyota the gift. "And…a little bit of Senor FeelGood to get the party started." she sang as she held the bottle up in the air and shook it.

Nyota smiled as she set the box and bottle down on a nearby table. She opened her arms wide as Janice stepped into her hug. Pulling away from each other, Janice sat down and asked her friend how she had been. Nyota looked around for her shoes as she answered.

"Just great," lied Nyota, "Real good."

Janice stopped in mid reach of the tequila on the table. She stood up and placed her hands on her hips.

"How have you _really_ been, Nyota? And don't lie….I know something's up with you."

Nyota spun around to meet Janice standing directly in front of her.

"I've had some things happen…and….God..I don't even know where to start." Nyota admitted.

Without intending to, Nyota divulged the information that she never thought she could to anyone else. She was surprised at how much better she felt afterward. She had felt so much pain and shame in the things that she had experienced, but putting it into words and talking with someone else about it gave her some relief. It had been difficult at first as she stopped numerous times to collect herself and later on when she could no longer maintain her composure, she managed what she could through sobs and tears.

Janice comforted her in the best way she knew how. She wrapped an arm around Nyota as she quieted her, encouraging her to continue only if she desired to do so. When she was finished, Janice closed her eyes as she kept herself from shaking with fury. She couldn't believe what Spock had done.

She wasn't completely prepared to learn about the tragedy that Nyota had lived through so recently. She sat speechless for a long time while she sorted her thoughts, desperately searching for the right thing to say to her grieving friend. Finally, she wiped her eyes and took in a deep breath. Determined to bring Nyota out of her sadness, Janice gave her a tight squeeze and reached for the bottle.

"Okay," she said with forced jollity, "I think it's time for a little sunshine….C'mon, girl…let's go get some glasses. I forgot to bring some."

Janice stood up and tugged at Nyota's arm.

"I'm a mess," she sniffled "You go…I'll wait here."

"You sure? A little air might do you some good…"

Nyota smiled up at her and nodded. Janice set the bottle back down on the table and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I'll be back in a jiff….I'm gonna see if I can get a few of those fancy glasses they have stored in the officer's hall. You gonna be okay?"

Nyota rubbed her face with her hands trying to get the last few smears of eye makeup off of her skin.

"Yeah," she said smiling now.

"That's my girl" Janice said as she stepped through the doorway.

….

Spock stood in front of Nyota's door. He stared directly in front of him. His thoughts quickly snapped to the young commander that he met earlier in the very spot he now stood.

_This woman held such sway over men_, he thought.

He suddenly found himself questioning his preparedness for this moment. He had stayed away as long as he could since her arrival, but after his discussion with Valeris he felt that he could tarry no longer in showing her what he needed her to know. He grit his teeth, unknowingly, as he engaged the chime.


	28. Chapter 28 Another Way

Nyota stood in front of her sink basin checking her face one last time in the mirror when she heard the door chime. She was surprised to find Janice back so soon and figured that she was unable to get those 'fancy glasses they have stored in the officer's hall' after all. She smiled at the image of Rand arguing with some ensign over glassware and spoke the command that opened her doors to her friend.

"I didn't think you'd be back so soon. I take it we'll be drinking right out of the bottle, then?" she yelled out without removing herself from her location.

When she didn't receive a reply, she exited the lavatory and spoke again as she walked into her living area.

"We haven't nursed a bottle that way since —"

She froze when she looked up and saw Spock standing in the middle of her living room. He held his hands behind his back and said nothing as she entered. Speechless and suddenly nervous, Nyota took a step back, instinctively as if she were just confronted by a dangerous animal. All thought seemed to have stopped. A moment of dead silence passed before she finally spoke.

"Commander….I….I apologize. I… thought you were Yeoman Rand," she stuttered.

She paused, desperately trying to muster a steadier voice.

"What can I do for you, Commander?" she asked solidly.

Her use of his title did not go unnoticed. They were back to that now. What did he expect? But after all that has happened between them—he thought that perhaps she would be willing to at least call him by his name. He was uncertain of what to say in answer to her question. He stilled momentarily before turning his gaze to the bottle and gift on the table in the room. She followed his stare wondering what he might be thinking. He looked back to Nyota.

"Am I interrupting your evening?"

"Yeoman Rand stepped out. She is due back soon."

He waited for her to append more to her statement—perhaps something like 'but, please do stay' or 'but she'll understand if I postpone our meeting…' But no verbal supplement followed-only silence. She was not going to make this simple for him. He knew that he had to take the initiative tonight. One misstep and she would never again give him a chance to explain himself.

"May I be permitted this time during her absence to speak with you?"

She did not reply right away, and Spock sensed that his question discomforted her somewhat. She glanced briefly at the doors behind him. She wasn't ready to speak with Spock yet. He was the last on her mental list of people to see. She was even surprised that he had sought her out first. She wanted to tell him to leave, but somehow was unable to. Before long, she found herself nodding her consent for him to stay.

He walked toward her with his hand raised as if to stroke her cheek. His words came out slowly-gently, so as not to anger or intimidate.

"May I be permitted to show you?"

Nyota did not move or flinch. She stared blankly at him. Spock accepted her silence and immobility as consent and moved in closer. He inadvertently brushed her cheek with his thumb when she suddenly realized what he purposed to do.

Before nimble fingers found their purchase on the points that would gain him access to her mind, she brought her hand up to his and clasped his fingers in her hand. How familiar his skin was to her. She had spent many nights gazing up at his face in fascination of him and many more delicately tracing the outline of his fingers with her own. He stood so close to her that she could feel the heat from him and she sense his heart pounding in his side.

"Nyota," he whispered, his voice pleading for her to let him continue.

Their touch and the heat of his breath against her ear sent her mind reeling to the past—to a better time when he was hers. She closed her eyes, willing herself to push away the feelings that her mind demanded she not forget.

Her will proved solid, and she forced her memory to revisit the night that his betrayal was revealed to her. She summoned the image of him standing before her with his bride alongside him and recalled every detail of that precise moment. She tightened her grasp around his fingers and flung his hand away from her.

Nonplussed by her sudden aggression, Spock stiffened and stepped back. He did not understand what had just occurred. He was certain that he had not caused it, as he was not influencing her thoughts in any way. She had stopped him immediately from sharing his mind with her which prevented him from transmitting any emotion through the touch of their hands. Spock stared at her as his thoughts sped through his mind.

Mentally grabbing hold of the weakness that threatened to dissolve the barrier around her heart, Nyota placed her hands on his chest and pushed him back…hard. All of the hurt and anger erupted from deep within, filling her eyes with unshed tears.

"Is it so easy for you? After all you've done….you just… put your hand on me, peek inside…and all is forgiven? Is that what you think?" she choked the words out in a whisper, trying to keep it together.

Spock's heart raced, although for a different reason now. The situation was becoming volatile. He feared this the most. He had not prepared himself sufficiently for the barrage of emotions that he knew he would now begin to experience. He attempted recovery, but struggled with the words.

"Nyota…it is the only way that… I cannot show you or convey—"

"-I have been through too much to let it be that easy for you." The tears were escaping her control now, blurring her vision.

Spock could no longer bear the sight of her so pained before him. Without thinking, he moved toward her in the effort to hold her in his arms.

Nyota mistook this as another attempt on his part to meld with her. Angry at his persistence and disregard for her emotions, she threw his arms off of her with all the force that her petite body could muster. Spock stepped back again and held his palms up in a show of surrender.

"I am merely attempting—" he said slowly before he was interrupted.

"-No...You….find another…way" she responded shakily.

Spock dropped his hands and moved farther away from her. He knew no other way to show her his true feelings and the overwhelming regret he felt for his mistakes. He had prepared no speech—he did not need to…not when he could open his mind to hers and she could realize the truth for herself. He was lost for a response. He stood in front of her, his chest heaving and his confidence shattered. He tried again.

He waited until she wiped the unfallen tears from her eyes and could see him clearly before moving to take one exaggerated step in her direction. Nyota sniffled audibly and breathed in to clear her head once more. She noticed that he was about to move again. He was persistent, if anything. Planting himself in front of her, Spock waited for her protest. When none came, he opened his hand and very slowly held it out to her.

"Please…" he asked unable to mask the emotion in his plea.

Nyota hugged herself, warding off a chill that was not there. She gave no answer. He engaged her again.

"Nyota, please?" his voice cracked as he spoke. What did she want him to do?

In a voice that she could barely hear, he spoke one last time.

"I… beg you, Nyota."

He would not avert his eyes from hers—not this time. He focused all his mind and being on willing her to acknowledge his desperation.

Had he the mental prowess of his father, he might have been successful. Instead, his efforts were easily dismissed when Nyota finally answered.

"Please leave," she whispered shaking her head slowly. She looked down at his upturned palm and noticed that he trembled slightly. She shut her eyes against the sight of him.

"….Now," she added.

Spock looked down at the floor unable to understand what had gone so terribly wrong. His lips parted as if to speak, but only a ragged exhalation was uttered. Instead, he chanced a move closer toward her that she rebuffed by stepping out of his reach.

It was evident to him that he had failed. She was finished tonight. He turned around slowly and quietly retreated to his quarters.

….

Janice entered Nyota's quarters mere moments after Spock's departure. She wore a concerned expression on her face and immediately embraced Nyota as soon as she emerged from her lavatory. Eyes red from weeping, Nyota waited for Janice's explanation for her prolonged absence.

"I was coming back to ask if you wanted me to grab some food for you from the mess when I saw the commander standing at your door."

Janice sighed as she sat down heavily onto the bed.

"I'm sorry to say this, Nyota, but he looked so damn sad. I mean, I never think of Commander Spock as being vulnerable, but he looked really….distraught and…scared. I thought that maybe you two wanted to talk, so…."

She glanced up at Nyota who was shaking her head as if to tell her she didn't believe what she was hearing.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. It was….bad judgment on my part." Janice cocked her head slightly and reached out for her friend's hand. "You mad at me?"

"Of course not," she answered softly. "I just wasn't expecting him, that's all."

"Should we talk about it?"

Nyota wiped at her eyes one last time before looking toward her sitting area where the bottle of tequila sat waiting.

"No," she said sniffling, "we should have a drink."

Taking turns gulping from the tall bottle of alcohol, the two women swapped stories of past loves and heartaches. Nyota's mind constantly turned to Spock as she listened to the blonde's tales which seemed to far outnumber her own. Soon, as the evening crept along, Nyota no longer felt the anguish that her unexpected guest had brought back into her life. She was temporarily relieved of her reality as the pleasant drowning of her troubles allowed her, for now, to forget.

Morning came too suddenly as the Lieutenant dragged herself out of her bed. She had never consumed as much alcohol as she had the night before, and she scolded herself repeatedly each time she felt the constant pounding in her head. This was not the way to start her first day back on the bridge and she quickly turned to the aid of Dr. McCoy.

"A party and I wasn't invited, eh?" He said smiling widely as he looked on in amusement.

"Leonard, please. I'm not in the mood for cheery chit chat right now," she responded sluggishly.

"Well, I can't say that I have never been there myself, so...Look, I tell you what, I'll swing by in the next few minutes and fix you right up, okay?"

Nyota attempted a smile of gratitude, but was only able to give him a feeble grin.

By the time she entered the lift that would take her to the bridge, she was beginning to feel like herself. With her hangover gone, Nyota was able to concentrate on present matters. She found that she was nervous to be back on the bridge again. She wondered how the other crewmembers would regard her. None of them knew of her recent loss, but she still couldn't help but feel that they could somehow see through her—see that somehow she was physically changed from all that she had secretly been through.

_Just be yourself…_ she chanted over and over again in her head.

The lift doors opened and she hesitated briefly before stepping out onto the bridge. From a distance, she could see Sulu and Chekov laughing about something and the captain speaking to another crewmember . Near her station, Spock sat straight as an arrow, his back to her with his arms moving quickly about his console. All this, she took in before taking a single step off of the lift platform.

As she neared her station, each member of the bridge stopped what he or she was doing to observe the Lieutenant as she took her seat. Even the captain couldn't help but crane his head upon seeing a blur of red pass by from out of the corner of his eye. All seemed to have taken obvious notice except Spock. He sat, uninterrupted from his preliminary shift duties.

The captain sat in his chair and requested his status reports. As each stated their findings in the traditional order, Uhura chanced a quick glance to her right as she heard Spock speak. She mentally kicked herself immediately for having done so as the commander's eyes locked with hers for a fleeting moment. Obliged to say something, she nodded her head curtly and greeted him accordingly.

Spock answered in kind, but did not turn his gaze back toward his console. Uhura began to work the surface of the screen in front of her trying to ignore Spock as he stared at her profile. Finally, after a few moments, after it was evident that she was not going to acknowledge him further, Spock turned away in silence.

It was hours before the regular misfits on the bridge were back to their usual silly banter and outrageous stories. Kirk had not even minded when things got a little out of hand. He figured that if Sulu and Chekov got Uhura to smile or lighten up today, the crass comments and stupid jokes would be worth putting up with. For now, he sat in silence as he listened on and chuckled to himself here and there.

As he sat in his captain's chair, Kirk revisited his conversation with Uhura two nights prior. He was now uncertain as to whether he should refuse her transfer. He had sufficient time to calm down from that night and was dismayed to realize that Uhura might be right after all. Perhaps leaving would be the best thing for all involved. He couldn't believe that he was thinking this. She was so important to him in many ways- not only as a highly skilled and competent officer, but also as a sort of… friend. That was what he told himself, anyway.

He couldn't deny the truth about what he thought about Spock and Uhura's relationship. While he did not wish either of them heartbreak or ill will, he did wonder ever so briefly if he possibly stood a chance with her –or at least, one night. He couldn't help the pang of jealousy he felt long ago when he had seen them both on the transporter pad locked in a tender kiss. Never before had he lost the girl to anyone else—it just wasn't possible. His male ego was something that he was never really able to tame and he was ashamed even as he pondered the thoughts now.

Luckily, Yeoman Rand approached and handed him a PADD to look over. He wouldn't have to give this issue any more thought—for now at least. Summoning his First Officer, he glanced at Uhura who was dutifully engaged in conversation with another crewmember.

As Spock returned from the captain, he stopped briefly as he watched Nyota from afar. He could tell even from behind her that she was smiling. He could detect the slight shifting of her ears and the delicate rise of her cheeks that he knew formed the brilliant smile that always made his heart regret the Vulcan side of him that could not return her joy. She was happy for the first time since she started working today and he wished he knew which comment spurred her sudden mood.

He decided right then that he would try again tonight. And this time, he would be prepared. But first, he would stop by the good doctor's office and attempt to make peace.

…

"Enter."

The voice of Dr. McCoy rang out from behind the desk in which he had been buried for going on three days now. Spock walked in.

"I'll be with you in a moment, Nurse. If you have something for me to authorize, just set it on that chair," the doctor instructed without looking up at his visitor.

Spock took in his surroundings. The desk before him served as the base for a large piece of equipment that the doctor was attempting to repair. Various tools and instruction holos were scattered about the floor and a few PADDs lay piled on the chair in front of the desk. He hesitated before speaking.

"Dr. McCoy. Do you have a moment?"

Peering out from behind the unit, McCoy frowned as he set his tools aside. He moved from behind the desk to meet his guest.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit, Spock?" he asked sarcastically.

"I have come to request a health assessment," Spock said simply.

"For. You." McCoy said, his words coming out punctuated and slow.

"Obviously, Doctor."

Ignoring his retort, McCoy continued in annoyance, "You can make an appointment with the nurse at the station."

He started to move toward his desk once more.

"I am aware of the procedures, Doctor. However, I wish for more discretion with my request. Also, I am requesting your assistance in the matter."

McCoy stopped in his tracks and turned to face Spock. "Why?"

"It is of a…delicate nature."

"I don't have time for skirting, Spock. What do you want?"

Averting his eyes from McCoy, Spock answered directly. "I am in need of a fertility analysis."

McCoy wasn't sure if he had heard him correctly. " A _fertility_ analysis?"

Spock nodded, his gaze still averted.

Before McCoy could respond, Nurse Chapel called him into Sick Bay Number Five. Springing into action, he grabbed his PADD and headed toward the door.

"We'll have to continue this later, Commander."

Before exiting, he turned to address Spock once more. He couldn't believe what the Vulcan was asking of him.

Shaking his head in disbelief of the situation, McCoy spoke with unmasked incredulity.

"Be rest assured, Spock. You're not infertile. Trust me on that one."

He exited without further comment.

Spock stood briefly pondering the doctor's words. He deduced that earlier physicals must have revealed the healthy condition which McCoy had just commented. Dismissing the incident, he took notice of the machinery on the desk. He immediately determined one of the causes for the machine's dysfunction without the need to probe. His curiosity and scientific mind were piqued now, however, and he approached the unit for further inspection.

As he came closer, Spock halted when the glitter of something caught his eye. It was a small cubic object that had obviously fallen from the doctor's desktop and tumbled partially underneath the large desk.

Spock bent down to retrieve the item and placed it on an available space on the desktop. He almost didn't notice the small sliver of paper affixed to it, but as he moved around his initial source of interest in inspection, he caught the partial inscription of Nyota's name on the small box.

Something within him propelled his next actions. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that McCoy and Uhura were more than just friends or even patient and doctor. This assumption made sense to him now considering the doctor's recent bad attitude toward him. And now, the evidence was right there. Spock grabbed the tiny box and forced it open.

Nyota had a feeling that she would see Spock tonight. He had stared at her repeatedly throughout the day on the bridge as if he wanted to say something to her. He would never do so while on duty, she knew. But he would wait until she was alone and approach her then.

When some hours had passed and Spock still had not come, she found herself slipping into her memories.

…

On the bridge the following day, crewmembers glanced often at the unmanned science station as the ship went into warp speed on their current course toward Earth. Uhura did not allow herself to ponder Spock's whereabouts- especially after the night she just had. Hours of grieving passed before sleep would take her. She was certain that she was over this stage in her mourning, and was startled to find still raw emotions flowing freely from her.

It was good that Spock was not there.

"Lieutenant Uhura, a word in my ready room, please" ordered Kirk.

Uhura spun around in her chair and stood to follow behind her captain. Once inside, she stood at attention.

"Lieutenant Uhura reporting as ordered, Sir."

"At ease. Have a seat, Lieutenant."

Sitting opposite Captain Kirk at his desk, Uhura waited for him to begin.

"It's about your transfer," he began.

She shifted in her seat. She knew that this meeting was coming, but was still unprepared for it, nevertheless.

"You still want it?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir…I believe so."

Kirk raised an eyebrow. "Believe so? Well, that's a pleasant change. I might have a chance at changing your mind yet."

"I meant, yes….Sir."

He sighed. "I see. Well….you got it. I'm not going to fight you. In fact, I'll write a commendation if you want."

He waited for her to answer. Surprised, she was at a loss for what to say.

"Uh, thank you Captain…..thank you." she stammered.

Kirk sat back in his chair, obviously relaxed now.

"I should also mention that Commander Jess has rescinded his request to transfer to the Enterprise. Looks like he's going to stay on the Lexington after all."

He waited for her response. Sensing his anticipation, Nyota straightened in her chair and shrugged.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Sir. I'm sure he did what was best for him as well," she said.

"Sure…. So, do you have any idea of where you want to go? Of course, it all depends on whether there's a slot available—you know how it goes. But, since you're the communication's officer, you probably know what the current listings are—more so than I would, anyway."

Uhura thought about it for a second. She hadn't taken the time to research the topic since her return to the ship. She couldn't believe she had made this oversight- it simply wasn't like her.

Turning her attention back to her captain, she nodded her head.

"I've got some ideas. Nothing for certain though," she lied.

He nodded as he clasped his hands on the desk in front of him. "Well, that's all I had for you. You may be dismissed."

Uhura stood and moved toward the exit. She turned and thanked the captain once more.

Once at her console, Uhura entered the security protocols that would allow her to enter her queries. She searched the database for recent messages containing open seat assignments in Starfleet. As she scrolled through the entries, she caught notice of a message tagged with Spock's personnel signature.

_Just let it go, _she said to herself.

She continued to scroll further when she came across another message regarding Spock. She noted that it was tagged with yesterday's star date.

_This must be the reason for his absence…Is he back on New Vulcan?_

Attached to the message was an Authorization for Short Leave from the captain and attached to that was an Authorization for Short Leave from the Transport Chief Engineer in Shuttle Bay Main.

Despite her attempts to dismiss her curiosity, Nyota could not help but take a peek. She was not completely unauthorized to this as her duties included screening and relaying sensitive information to the captain on a daily basis.

Once the documents were opened and scanned, she saw that Spock had been granted a short leave of two days with approval to use a shuttle craft for transport to Earth. Confused, Nyota tried to determine what business he would have on Earth and why it couldn't have waited until the Enterprise arrived in orbit.

When she reached the final lines of the form, her eyes grew wide in disbelief. Her heart began to pound in her chest and moisture started to form on the palms of her hands. There were a few more hours left until shift change. In the meantime, she would dig further and try to find confirmation of what she had learned.

…

Upon his return to the Enterprise, Spock picked up on the bridge where he had left off. He worked diligently and gave little notice to Nyota who sat silently beside him. Impossibly professional in demeanor, she did not even steal glances in his direction. The arrangement suited them both and they went about their day accordingly.

It wasn't until the evening hours when Nyota started to feel anxiety settle in. She dressed in civilian clothes and headed toward the Observation Deck in the hopes of clearing her mind. On the way there, she stopped in the main corridor of the bridge to submit her list of transfer stations to the captain who she thought was in his Ready Room.

She signaled the chime and waited as the captain's doors swished open. She stepped into the room to find the captain gone and Spock on his way out.

He was making some notations on a PADD that he was carrying and did not lift his eyes from it to acknowledge her presence. As he moved past her, Nyota lowered her PADD onto the Captain's desk and turned around to follow behind him. She clenched her hands into fists and called after him.

"Commander. A word?"

Spock stopped dead in his tracks. He was still tending to his PADD when he answered her.

"Lieutenant."

Walking in front to face him, Nyota waited for him to finish, but when he did not look up, she continued anyway.

"May I ask a personal query?" she said in irritation.

"You may."

"What is the nature of your visit to Kenya….specifically Magadi Manor?" She could barely get the question out. She dug her nails deeper into her palms, bracing herself for his answer.

At last, Spock turned from his PADD and looked up at her. His eyes were terribly troubled, and she gasped imperceptibly at his appearance. Holding the PADD in one hand and dropping it to his side, he answered her truthfully.

"My son is buried there."


	29. Chapter 29 Theirs

**A/N: **_Sorry this is so late. Had a tough time with this one and a lot of unhappy readers. I don't have much time to go back and change a lot of things at the present, so I'll just keep on trudging with what is up for viewing at present. I thought this would culiminate and terminate in two more chapters. Damn these characters—they are making that an impossibility and it looks like I'll need a few more chapters to finish it. My apologies for any errors on this first very rough draft. It was a bit of a rush at the end of this one because I wanted to post it before I forgot how. Please let me know if it is too confusing or …odd. If you're still along for the ride, I say thank you for reading._

**Theirs**

Nyota grit her teeth and stifled her frustration as she neared the nurse's station in Medical Bay Main. Nurse Chapel was manning the front desk this evening and the Lieutenant was not about to give the nosey nurse the satisfaction of seeing her so upset.

At the last moment, she cut a turn around the corner and dashed into the public lavatory located just short of the entrance doors to Sick Bay. Inside, she did her best to wash off any traces of the tears from her face. She splashed cool water on her eyes in the hopes that their puffiness would disappear. She thought she was ready to leave, but changed her mind quickly when the tears burst from her without warning.

Her unfinished conversation with Spock left her in such a disquieted state that her body shook with every step and her breathing quavered with every inhalation. She could not erase the image of his face in her mind. His admission about their baby had devasted her enough, but the sorrow that emanated from his whole being was something that she had never seen before—not even when his mother had perished.

As she stood in front of him, she thought of how she had always considered the baby _hers _and not _theirs._ It was perhaps easy to do this as she was the only one being affected by its very existence. _She_ was the one with the aches and pains and morning sickness. And _she_ was the one who was plagued with the uncertainty of the future.

Perhaps she had wanted it this way all along. With hazy realization, Nyota pondered her actions and questioned the motivations that had fueled them.

Maybe she _wanted_ complete control of her baby and his life- _without_ Spock or his influence. Couldn't she have tried harder to inform him of her news? She thought of this and immediately felt shame for her selfishness.

She hadn't _truly_ tried very hard to let him know about her pregnancy. She had sent a couple of messages to New Vulcan, but they had not conveyed anything relevent to her pregnancy or health. At the time, she had felt certain that she was doing the right thing for herself. She would not use her baby to lure him back to the Enterprise. She did not want to force his will nor did she want his disingenuous loyalty and pity.

Nyota clenched her hands into tight fists as she recalled the recent months. Her anger was returning and she fought with herself to keep it at bay. His last words seeped through the fury that filled her then, and she felt her body slump as the guilt began to settle within.

She had been so angry and so hurt that she never thought to consider Spock and what he may be going through- not even once. Even after her baby's death, she had not wanted Spock to know about him. He was undeserving, and she felt that it was her right.

She regarded him now as she sat on the floor of the lavatory. Regardless of how badly things had turned for her, Spock was still the father of her baby-a father who had nothing to connect him to his son.

She had at least held her infant after he was born, his tiny body warm from the heat of her own and his face soft and serene as if sleeping. She had plenty of time to know him as she memorized the tiny opaque wrinkles in his downy soft skin. Only three individuals would ever know how much the tiny being favored his father- his long limbs, splayed toes, perfectly pointed ears. Her memories of him were all she had, but at least she had something.

Nyota was sobbing heavily now, not out of pity for her own sake, but for him. She felt sudden sadness _for_ him- in the way that she once had when another being he had loved was taken from him. Except this was more…unbearable.

Her mind started to stray to the questions that she had forced herself many times before to ignore. _Why didn't I think about the safety of my baby? Why do I always feel the need to be in control of every situation? How would things be now if I had never put myself in danger? What if I had made more of an effort to tell Spock?_

The onslaught of questions and accusations toward herself were beginning to take control. Overwhelmed with new emotions of guilt and self doubt, Nyota felt the familiar burning of bile building in her stomach.

Nyota stayed in the cramped room for a few minutes more. She let her head fall back against the cool wall behind her and drew her legs up to her chest. She felt completely alone and it took some time before she was able to console herself sufficiently. Convinced that she was finished with her bout of tears, for now at least, Nyota stood and looked at herself in the mirror once again. She continued to make herself presentable. She needed answers right now. Afterward, if she had the strength, she would reunite with Spock.

Only semi satisfied with her appearance, Nyota reluctantly emerged from her temporary shelter. She continued on her previous course to Medical Bay. It was dinner time so perhaps Chapel won't be there, having taken her meal break for the night. But as she approached the automatic doors to the Bay, she could see through the small windows that Chapel remained. She was probably even waiting for her.

Christine was finishing up a conversation on her console when she looked up to see Nyota. Smiling, she pushed the monitor off to the side to address her. Nyota took in a deep breath and was about to say something when Chapel beat her to it.

"Although Dr. McCoy is busy with reports right now, you can find him in his office," she said as she gestured behind her. "Or maybe there's something _I _can do for you, Lieutenant."

Nyota impatiently shifted from one foot to the other, but answered with absolute certainty.

"There is _nothing_ that you could ever do for me."

She walked past the nurse and through a second set of doors that led to the corridor to the doctor's office. As she walked, she passed the bay that she was brought to on the night of her accident. She shuddered unknowingly and winced as her mind started to push the recollection of that evening to the forefront of her thoughts. Jerking herself away from that dark pathway of memories, Nyota quickened her pace and soon found herself in front of McCoy's doors.

….

Dr. McCoy was sitting in his office when he heard the frantic ringing of his door chime.

"Come," he said annoyed with his impatient guest.

Without wasting one fraction of a second more in the passageway, Nyota came barreling into his office. Her eyes were red, although he could not tell whether from fury or dismay. But her body language revealed that she was in a terrible hurry. He straightened his back as he stood from behind his desk and moved toward her.

Nyota stopped just a few feet before the doctor and was, at first unable to say anything. She stood shaking her head from side to side with wide eyes and a hurt expression on her face. While McCoy was not certain what she was feeling, he knew exactly why she had come to see him.

"I'm sorry," he started, "He already knew when he confronted me…"

"-How, Leonard? How could he have known?" she demanded.

" I don't know, but you should know that I wouldn't ever say anything to anyone. First of all, you're my patient….and secondly- most importantly, you're my friend. And I wouldn't hurt you, Nyota."

The room grew quiet as she began to calm down. She closed her eyes briefly in the attempt to clear her head.

"Then what _did_ you tell him?" she asked.

"It's not what you think. I told him that it wasn't my place and reminded him of the regulations regarding patient confidentiality. Spock isn't stupid. He can be obtuse, at times, but he's no fool. He saw right through that. That's when he disappeared for a couple days."

Nyota considered his explanation. He was right. Spock was not a fool, and if he had a notion about something especially one as important as this, he would not rest until he knew the facts…all of them. But what had started him on this path in the first place?

"Look, Nyota- you know that you wouldn't have been able to keep it from him forever. You do realize that, don't you?"

McCoy turned his head glancing briefly at his workstation.

"Aw hell," his shoulders slumped as he began to pace about the room.

"That damned gift. I thought I had put away….I was gonna get rid of it. Then I got swept away by work out on the floor….and…"

He stopped in front of his desk and turned to face her. He sat on the corner of it, placing his open hands on his thighs. He felt so guilty, although, he hadn't really done anything wrong or unethical. He shook his head in disbelief at his ignorance.

"He must have seen it," he started to explain slowly. "He came to see me earlier. I was called out on an emergency and left him in here."

He let out an audible sigh.

"When I came back, I saw it on my desk….I am so sorry, Nyota."

Nyota stood frozen in her place as she waited for this information to process in her mind. Letting loose the tension that she had been carrying in her shoulders, she slumped and raised a hand to her temple.

"You're right. He was bound to find out sooner or later. I don't blame you, Leonard," she said softly.

She turned around and moved toward the door. She didn't bother turning to utter her goodbye.

…..

Nyota sat at the console in the corner of her sleeping nook. Her conversation with Esi had been brief and not very helpful. Her description of the tall man that had come to pay his respects to the departed had sounded like Spock.

"But, I did not see him in the face. I only knew that he was a visitor and I thought that he was there to visit your parents. You know, they left behind many who cared and many still come…even after all this time."

Nyota could only nod at Esi's explanation. Many years ago when she had given the caretakers the property, she had made sure that the tract where her parents lay buried remained publicly accessible. The Uhura's burial site was frequented often enough throughout the year that the land workers did not take much notice of visitors that came and went. Spock's presence would not have been all that unusual and was certainly not anything that Esi would need to report to her.

Calming down from her earlier frantic mood, Nyota apologized to the older woman again for the irritation in her voice. She had never before spoken to Esi in such a manner and decided to end their transmission earlier than she normally would under different circumstances. Nyota managed a smile that Esi interpreted as another apology and reassured the old woman that all was well.

…..

Spock sat in preparation for meditation before the small table in the center of his quarters. He closed his eyes, but the image of Nyota before him earlier that evening would not fade. He had not wished to see her this night. He was unprepared for heartfelt discussions. His discoveries in the past couple of days had left him with much inner turmoil. The act of meditating to alleviate his emotional pain filled him with a feeling of dread and, for the first time, doubt. Opening his eyes to study the materials before him, Spock felt the familiar stirrings of insurmountable emotion building inside of him.

In one powerful sudden move, his fist landed in the center of the table causing its thick wooden top to split nearly in two. He welcomed the pain that started to throb in his clenched hand, but dismissed it quickly as he rose it above his head and struck the table again… and again. His thoughts traveled quickly in review of his life. He thought of his childhood, his mother and father, and Nyota….especially Nyota.

With his fist drawing up and hitting down harder and harder with every blow, he spoke in Vulcan, the words that no one would ever hear. Contempt for his situation and the pressures forced upon him by his people and father flowed unrestricted from his mouth. He openly expressed the deep self-resentment that caused him to act so unjustly toward the women in his life as he pounded the wood into smaller shards, his blood smeared and splattered in several places.

When his fit of emotional discharge was concluded, Spock collapsed onto his haunches, the feeling of temporary relief washing over him. He closed his eyes and went about the business of restoring his Vulcan self.

It was late into the night when Spock headed to Medical Bay. The ship's computer had confirmed the whereabouts of Dr. McCoy and Spock sought the opportunity to receive medical assistance for his injuries after the doctor was finished for the day.

Entering the main lobby of the bay, Spock searched the room and craned his neck to see down the halls for the person with whom he wished to speak. After a few moments just as he was about to announce his arrival, he saw a tall figure emerge from behind a set of doors. As if she had read his thoughts, Nurse Chapel walked right up to him wearing a smile that spread from ear to ear.

As she approached, her smile faded and was replaced by a look of concern when she saw the white cloth that was neatly wrapped about his hand. She gasped when she stopped directly in front of him.

"Commander! What happened?" she asked a little too excitedly. "Please, come this way."

Forgetting herself, she grabbed the upper arm of his injured hand and placed her other hand beneath his to support it. Any other time, Spock would have shrugged away from her touch, but he needed something from her now and knew better than to insult her. Ignoring the faux pas, Spock followed alongside the nurse until they reached a secluded bay at the far corner of the facility.

"You just have a seat here," she said as she gestured to the biobed.

Once settled on the examining table, Spock began to unwrap the cloth from around his hand.

"No…no, Commander. Please, let me. It is my job, after all."

Chapel rushed to the commander's side and seized his bandaged hand. She held it in both of hers for a brief moment before unwrapping it. Spock did not protest and allowed her to manipulate him as she wished.

She let out a sigh before asking him again.

"Now, what happened?"

"I had…an accident."

She could see the layers of the cloth getting darker with a strange fluid that she did not right away realize was his blood. She furrowed her brow in confusion, not certain of what she was seeing. Spock realized that she had probably never administered to a Vulcan before and might be a little shocked to see the very unusual hue of his blood.

"I sustained several minor cuts to my hand, Nurse. The bandages are stained with my coagulated blood. The tissues are in need of repair."

"—Yes, I see that Commander," she interrupted. "I just didn't expect this much…damage."

Nurse Chapel removed the medical tricorder hanging on a nearby wall. Before scanning his hand for more information on his injuries, she stared at it as she turned it slowly from side to side. It was damaged, alright. The cuts on the tops of his knuckles and fingers were especially deep. A dark greenish black color had formed beneath the skin surrounding the damaged tissues and all of the fingers were swollen. She thought for a moment trying to determine exactly what may have happened to cause such wounds. She looked up at Spock.

He sat straight and tall looking at the wall directly behind her. She knew that he was not going to divulge any more information about the 'accident' he had, so she went about the task of cleaning him up.

"We'll need to dip your hand in a cleaning solution to remove some of the dried blood first. Then, I'll scan it."

He nodded his head. Nurse Chapel left the room briefly and returned with a sort of push cart that had a basin atop it. She slowly and carefully slid Spock's sleeve up his arm. She paused for a moment before slowly sliding her hand back down his bare forearm. Ignoring the overt gesture, Spock dipped his hand into the solution in the basin.

After the skin wash and scan, Nurse Chapel left and returned once again with another tray of medical machinery and supplies. She explained to him that he had numerous cuts that varied in depth and severity. He also had several digits that were broken and one that sustained both a medial and a lateral fracture. He would need to spend several hours in sick bay in a regenerator and be excused from duty the following day.

Spock had deduced correctly regarding his injuries and was in agreement with the nurse's treatment. As Chapel placed his hand inside the dermal regenerator, Spock noticed how slowly and meticulously the nurse moved. She was, indeed, a careful and highly skilled professional. This thought nearly prevented Spock from presenting his inquiries, except he recalled precisely how he came to seek _her _in the first place…..

Storming through the halls on Deck Three, Spock did not take notice of the surprised passersby that lunged out of his way as he neared Rec Room Six. He had only one goal in mind- find Ensign Pavel Chekov. Rounding the corner and sailing right into the rec room, Spock was surprised to find the ensign sitting alone without Sulu. Before him lay a 3D chess board. He paused exactly three seconds before attempting to engage the ensign in conversation. Before he could say a word, however, the young officer spoke first.

"Commander," he said in surprise as he looked up at Spock. Noticing the menacing posture that the Vulcan held, he asked quickly, "Is there something wrong?"

"Am I interrupting?" Spock asked as he placed his hands behind his back in his usual stance.

"Uh, no Sir. What can I do for you, Mr. Spock?"

Spock flicked his eyes to the game on the table. The ensign followed his gaze in return.

"Oh, I am just…waiting," he answered the unasked question. "I am waiting for a girl…uh, to return."

Spocks eyes softened in realization.

"There is a matter that I wish to discuss with you privately."

Chekov turned his head toward the table just as a bright young lady in lounging attire reached him. Without having to say a word, she quickly took in the scene and realized that Pavel would need to leave and she nodded her understanding to the ensign.

Senior and junior officer headed out of the rec room and strode down the now deserted corridor. They found the turbo lift and rode quietly to Deck Two. Spock turned to the ensign.

"If you would follow me, please," he commanded.

Although curious about their destination and the reason behind their short journey, Chekov waited patiently for Spock to give him further details. He nodded to himself in understanding when he realized that Spock was taking him to a computer station that was tucked into its own niche in the wall panel. Spock stepped off to one side of it and clasped his hands behind him once again.

"Ensign, I wish to ask, as you humans say, a …favor of you."

Chekov looked a little puzzled and cocked his head slightly.

"A favor, Sir?"

"I wish to know the most recent inquiries into Lieutenant Uhura's personnel and medical records," Spock stated matter-of-factly.

Chekov stared at the commander in surprise.

"…But, Sir…I don't know if I am …permitted to make this inquiry…I—"

"—Ensign Chekov, I am making this request due to security reasons regarding the Lieutenant and an incident that she was previously involved in."

Chekov wrinkled his forehead at Spock's answer before realization dawned.

"Ohh. You are talking about that incident in the brig after the big conference, correct? Yes, I see now. Okay, sure. I can do that."

Spock did not answer, but kept his eyes trained on the screen jutting out from the wall. He was relieved that the ensign did not press him directly about his assumption. The young officer spoke quickly and when he finished talking, he spun around and entered his security information on the console in front of him.

Spock had already perused Nyota's records earlier that day. He knew that Chekov would not find anything that he himself did not know already. His request was merely a way for him to get the junior to access the file that he truly wanted access to. After a few moments, Chekov turned partially to speak to Spock.

"There are many inquiries from Nurse Chapel, but I think that it is maybe normal for the trouble Uhura had with the criminal. She was very hurt at that time. However, I do not see anything _out_ of the ordinary, Sir," he informed him.

Spock did not speak for a long moment knowing that the nervous ensign would fill the silence and hopefully ask him if he needed anything more.

Chekov looked up at the commander once more. When a long period of silence had passed, he started to grow restless under Spock's unmoving glare. He smiled nervously.

"Uh, is there anything else I can check for you, Sir?

And there it was. The offer that Spock was waiting for. Spock looked at Chekov and responded cooly.

"Bring up the main data summary page, Ensign."

As Chekov did so, Spock nodded to himself as he recognized the oddly labeled file cleverly disguised among the names of all the ranked personnel onboard the Enterprise. He waited a moment to allow Chekov to make the discovery for himself. When after a short while passed and the ensign still had not noticed it, Spock moved to his side and took over the console's controls. A bit surprised at the sudden move, Chekov stepped quickly out of the commander's way without saying a word.

His hands moving deftly without error, Spock worked diligently to move a copy of the file to his PADD. He entered a series of codes that allowed him to mask his actions to everyone except the captain… or officer with a chief tactical security clearance designation. With the entire ordeal concluded within a matter of less than three seconds, both officers moved away from the console.

Spock turned to address Chekov.

"It would appear that there is, indeed, nothing more to examine. Thank you, Ensign for your cooperation in this delicate matter."

Chekov smiled satisfied with himself. He knew that Spock was not one for making unnecessary compliments, and therefore took his words as praise.

"Thank you, Sir…I could run some additional—"

"—No. Thank you, Ensign," interrupted Spock. " You may return to your recreational activities."

They parted ways and Spock quickened his pace to his quarters, anxious to review the new contents of his PADD.

Spock felt growing pressure inside of his chest. The confirmation of Nyota's pregnancy along with detailed notations on her care and all of her medications and treatments illuminated the screen before him. The medical entries were clearly those of Dr. McCoy with his unnamed patient entered as 'Patient Jane Smith- Demo Holo'.

This was undeniably Nyota. The patient stats were exactly the same as Nyota's and the DNA structure was a match. The doctor was careful to append his findings and medical opinions with medical criterion and surgical textbook jargon so that a wandering inquirer would assume that this was a psuedo individual created for medical teaching purposes or experimentation.

Under any other circumstances, Spock would have been one to assume such as well. But he would not be fooled now. The gift he found in McCoy's office planted the suspicion in his mind; but the discovery of the contents of this file had confirmed it. He continued to scroll through the pages of texts and values. He was not prepared for the final section of the report.

As he read in detail about the night of Nyota's accident, Spock's heart began to thump faster in his side. The discovery of his former lover's pregnancy and the mystery of his infant son's demise before natural birth had been too much to discover in one day. He was still reeling from the affirmation of the former; and was quickly plummeting into much deeper despair at the details of the tragic death of his child.

Paralyzed in his chair, he stared at the monitor as the pain of his reality settled within him. Moments later, Spock forced himself to close the file. He wanted- needed more information about what had transpired in his absence. Consumed by the desperation to learn all he could about his child, he entered the protocol to access the personnel file of Lieutenant Nyota Uhura. Perhaps he would find something there. He studied it for the third time that day, not allowing one bit of information to go unacknowledged.

He remembered the comment that Chekov had made regarding the unusual number of inquiries made by Nurse Chapel and decided that he must speak to her. His visit to McCoy shortly after he found the doctor's gift was unsuccessful. The doctor was irate and unwilling. His nurse, on the other hand, may be more amenable to sharing information with him- especially since she felt a sort of fondness for him.

Spock would visit her, but later. Now, he had to request a temporary leave of absence. His eyes scanned again, the location of Nyota's last leave.

…..

Nurse Chapel hissed in a breath as she inspected Spock's hand while it lay in the dermal regenerator. She commented again in empathy and shook her head from side to side in disbelief. Before she could say anything to him, Spock spoke her name to get her attention.

"May I ask a query?"

Startled by the change in his tone, she stood straighter and looked him in the eye.

"Why of course, Commander. Anything," she said breathlessly.

Spock nodded once at her.

"You are…friends… with Lieutenant Uhura."

Chapel, taken aback by his comment, attempted to keep her composure.

"Well, Commander, that is more of a statement than a question, isn't it?" she stalled. "But…yes, I suppose I would say that we are on friendly terms. Why?"

Spock noted a hint of nervousness in her tone, but ignored it.

"I am concerned about the Lieutenant's …health."

Chapel lowered her head and returned her attention to Spock's hand.

"Oh? If you are talking about her recent accident, well, she's completely recovered from it."

"I am referring to her recent pregnancy."

Chapel froze. Her eyes traveled to a point on the floor beneath them. She was not expecting anything like this from Spock. She wondered briefly how he would even know about such a thing. She surmised that Nyota told her himself in the hopes of getting back at him for dumping her. She grit her teeth and sighed.

"I'm afraid, Commander, I do not know what you're talking about."

Spock was concerned that this might happen. She would deny things at first, and it would be up to him to encourage her to tell him more. He resorted to a technique that he witnessed so many humans employ. The effort was great, but he managed.

Softening his voice even more, he whispered to her, "Christine."

She looked up at him then, her mouth pressed in a tight straight line on her face. He had never spoken to her in such a manner before. She didn't know what to think, but he could tell that he was affecting her. He continued.

"Christine, will you help me understand what happened to my son?" he said, his voice tender, but devoid of any specific emotion.

Her face registered surprise and she spoke without thinking.

"It probably wasn't _yours, _Spock…which is why she terminated it."

The words sounded harsh although she did not mean for them to. She was too angry at the idea that Spock would be deceived in this manner and a bit annoyed that Spock would not be clever enough to see through her lies. She was breathing heavier now and she reached out to grab hold of Spock's hand once again.

Furious at the nurse's false accusation, Spock yanked his hand out of the regenerator. He was finished here. He did not satisfy her with a reply, but instead moved from the biobed and headed out of the door.

His hand throbbed in pain. He was angry with himself for believing that Nurse Chapel would tell him the truth. He knew that she harbored feelings of jealousy toward Nyota, but he never believed that she would lower herself to this extent. The lies and the attack on Nyota's character was behavior that was unbecoming of any Starfleet officer and he reassessed his prior opinion of the nurse.

He exited the lift, rounded the corner, and without hesitation signaled Nyota's chime.

She answered immediately.

…

Still as a statue, Nyota stared at Spock in the entryway of her quarters. Slowly, she moved to the side in a gesture of invitation. He crossed her threshold, completely uncertain of how this meeting would end.

As they stood before one another, they were both unable to meet the other's eyes. Nyota felt exhausted and hollow inside, having wept for several hours before. Spock, on the other hand, was a flurry of overwhelming emotions which he strove to keep at bay. Anger, sadness, confusion, and guilt- especially guilt all worked within him to distance him further from his controlled Vulcan half.

He spoke suddenly lacking the confidence and strength that she had always known him to possess.

"I…am" he paused at the hitch in his voice, momentarily unable to continue.

"I …am.." he managed again. His breathing was rapid and his nose flared with every intake. He was struggling, she knew.

Not knowing what else to do just then, Spock shook his head slowly in defeat. His words were quiet and sincere.

"I am…un..prepared…once again."

He turned toward the door as he said quickly, "My deepest apologies, Nyota."

Nyota grabbed his forearm before he could continue. He stopped even though he could have easily shook her off of him. She would be wrong for forcing him to do something that he did not know yet how to do. She had been so furious with him before when he had come to her. Now she wanted to know what he wanted to show her and this time, she would give him the chance.

A moment of longing passed between them and she broke the mood by speaking next.

"Show me," she said simply.


	30. Chapter 30 Theirs Part II

**A/N: **_Short entry that was supposed to go at the end of the last. My apologies._

Spock stepped closer to Nyota. He had completely forgotten about his injured hand and the pain didn't even register anymore. Nyota turned and headed for the bed in her sleeping area. She was unsure about how his meld would affect her and did not want to be upright should she happen to lose consciousness. When she settled at the edge of the foot of her bed, she looked up at Spock. He followed suit and sat down next to her.

Turning toward her, he reached his hand up to her face to gently cup her cheek. She noticed then that there was something wrong. Nyota moved back slightly from his touch and instinctively held his injured hand in hers.

"What's happened?" she asked, her eyes fixed on Spock's face.

His eyes didn't leave hers as he answered.

"An accident."

Nyota knew that this was only part of the story, but did not press him further.

"Perhaps we should wait until you are healed. I don't wa—"

"—I do not wish to wait a moment longer, Nyota. The injury is of no consequence, unless… you do not wish for me to touch you."

"It's okay. I don't mind it. I just don't want to hurt you," she said softly.

His face was solemn and his stare intense.

"Nor I, you. Never again."

Nyota looked away. She was determined to maintain some objectivity during all of this and refused to be swept up by persuasive verse or romantic overtures. She had so many questions and her chief goal here was to find answers.

She nodded signaling that she was ready to continue. He placed his hand on her cheek and leaned in closer.

"Are you certain?" he asked her before manipulating his fingers.

Again she nodded her consent.

Spock placed his fingers on the points of Nyota's face, his fingers first skimming her soft skin and searching for their precise placement. He had yearned for so long to be here with her in this way. His body had known the indescribable pleasures of her flesh and it was not long thereafter that the relentless torture of his mind sought to merge them into one in the unity of mate bonding.

The room seemed to disappear for Nyota as she heard the words in Vulcan spoken in a lulling whisper. She was momentarily afraid as she lost her senses. It was blackness at first quickly turning to white light. She could not hear and she felt her body wriggling away from his touch. Soon, Spock's voice could be heard. She instantly relaxed and gave into the sensations that awaited her.

She felt his presence everywhere around her, enveloping her like a tight glove. She could feel the faint beating of her heart, but then…there was another.

It was him, she knew. She felt warm, almost feverish and she could feel a soft texture under her fingertips. She gasped when she realized that she was feeling the skin of her own face as Spock felt it under his fingers. She was him and he was her. Their bodies had become a singularity in this moment.

While their physical senses overlapped, their mental thoughts were still separate. Spock had not yet taken her into the next level of the meld and she relished in the magnificence that was his body. Without knowing it, Nyota was beginning to understand the hunger that comes from an ability such as this. She longed for Spock to reach his free hand down to touch his chest, his thighs, his crotch. She wanted to feel the sensations that this would give her in turn. She wanted deeply, yet she did not dare to touch him herself.

In a flash, she felt the whirring of space around her. She attempted to open her eyes, but was unable to. It was as if she were in a deep sleep from which she could not awaken. Then he was there….completely. She immediately felt his sorrow and then his attempt at keeping it hidden.

She thought, _'No—let it happen'. _She was startled when he responded with the feeling of embarrassment and shame. She understood it better now- why he had to keep his emotions hidden. There were so many of them brimming both deep down and under the surface. How he ever managed to stay sane throughout his existence she would never know. She felt sorrow and overwhelming pride for the man that he was forced to be outwardly every moment of every day.

Spock felt the emotions that were hers, for they had become his as well. He was honored that she thought highly of him, even now after all that had transpired. An exchange was beginning between them and he knew that all was laid bare for her to examine.

He took her on a very brief journey of his childhood as he recalled the memories perfectly. Like the studious pupil she had once been, Nyota merely observed, keeping her mind focused on what he was feeding her.

Spock recounted his platonic feelings for her upon their first meeting. He recalled how this feeling grew into a fondness that magnified itself still into the aching love that he now held for her. Then he began to review their relationship in earnest. Starting with his inner struggles between his human carnal desires for her and his Vulcan shame for his lack of mental and physical control, he spared her nothing.

Nyota felt the desire that she was certain would overcome her. She felt the rage at self and circumstance that kept Spock from pursuing what he wanted most—her. Her breath coming faster now, Spock took her back to that night-the first time they had intimately shared themselves with each other. She could feel both her body and his tingle with the vivid memory of what they had done. Knowing this was not the appropriate time for this exchange, Spock did not linger and took her to the events that led to their ruined relationship. He took her to the Council on New Vulcan.

Nyota forced her body to remain flaccid. She could not allow the mounting feelings of anger and contempt to control her body. These emotions were Spock's and they were too strong for her to control. She panicked slightly and when Spock felt her reluctance to continue there, he pulled from the memory and she found herself in that hazy white softness that she could only guess was the prelude to thought.

After a moment, she expressed readiness to continue. He wasted no time and took them back to that precise moment when he was sitting before the Elders. Her mind, was as logical as his as she looked on and she understood (to her own surprise) the logic of their proposal to Spock. She found herself torn, again. She felt the misery of having to choose between two things that were important to a Vulcan—to Spock. She understood.

She understood why he had done what he did and how he came to bond with such a despicable female such as Valeris. She felt overcome by the mounting sorrow that was Spock's marriage of convenience and again she started to wink in and out of consciousness in the attempt to escape it.

But _this_ is what Spock had wanted her to know. He needed her to understand that his choices were fueled by external circumstances that had nothing to do with her. He wanted her to _feel_ for herself how he was not physically able to bring himself to coitus with his wife unless he thought of _her_. He wanted her to feel his regret. He encouraged her to stay with him a little longer. She carried on although the tears were streaming uncontrollably down her cheeks.

When Spock finally revealed to Nyota the last transmission he received from Valeris, she was already sobbing heavily and gasping for air. He had chosen not to dwell on the grief of their son's death. He knew that it would take a very long time before he could fully deal with his guilt and misery. He did not wish to make her suffer those feelings that he knew for certain she was experiencing all on her own.

Spock withdrew from Nyota slowly and in stages. As he disengaged from her completely she fell forward slightly at the waist and he grabbed hold of her shoulders to steady her. Suddenly she slammed her hand over her mouth and made a dash to the lavatory.

Spock waited patiently for her wondering if he had done the right thing by taking her through the barrage of memories so quickly. Just as he was about to get up and see to her, Nyota emerged from the bathroom, her hair loose and down around her shoulders. She had washed her face and looked completely drained.

"Thank you for sharing that, Spock," she said weakly.

Spock stood up to move toward her, but she held up a hand in protest.

Shaking her head, she said, "I think I'm going to need some time to process all of this."

Her eyes started to tear again and she looked away quickly hoping that it would pass.

"I apologize, Nyota. Often, emotional transference is unavoidable during the meld."

She nodded her head.

Spock waited to see if she would come to him and was greatly disappointed when she remained in the doorway of her lavatory. He looked down at the floor, his brow furrowed in thought.

"I do not believe it would be wise for you to be alone," he tried.

She did not answer but hugged her arms around herself instead. The long period of silence between them seemed to stretch on and on until finally, Spock acquiesced.

"I will excuse myself for the evening, then."

He turned around slowly and with great effort and even greater reluctance, exited her quarters.


End file.
